Okay, before I start talking what I learnt yesterday, I have 2 choices to make. I can go all negative and rant about it and make myself look miserably pathetic, or I can treat it as a valuable reference for my future challenges. Obviously, I decided to do both at once.

The negative Tom:

Yesterday was tough, everything didn't go the way I wanted. People told me otherwise, but I was not satisfied with my TV host performance. 

I don't know, no matter how hard or how many times I tried to look natural in front of the camera, my attempts were futile. The TV hostess, Lizzee, probably noticed my struggle and tried to do something about it, too, but I couldn't give her attempts justice, either. The struggling was real, the whole 30mins, the length of the show, was probably the longest I had felt ever in my life so far. 

After the show ended, I started blaming myself for my performance prior and was feeling down the whole night. I went straight to Jerii to help him packed up the equipment. I tried to look normal to him but there was a lot going on inside me. Thinking that a good night rest could help ease off my gloomy mood, I hurriedly packed everything and skip eating dinner with Darren and the gang to head home as fast as I was allow to. 

After I cleaned myself, ate dinner, I positioned myself in front of my computer ready to start sorting my thoughts. Then my father came out from his room and told me he wasn't feeling too well. He said he might have caught the cold but felt it could be more than that. I advised him to go see the doc but he refused, worrying about the consultant fee. 

I know he was trying to help us save money by not seeing a doctor when he is ill, but that usually ended up costing more. I insisted and we went to the 24 hr clinic 3 bus stops away. He was trying to talk to me thru out the whole thing but I just wasn't in the mood. I was being non-responsive to his talking. We exchanged less than 10 words. He must had been feeling really sorry to me, to the whole family for it was too late at his age to do anything. 

To live a life this miserably, know anything he could have done would change the situation he is in now. I felt sorry for him, but at the same time, I know that even if he has another 50 years to live, nothing would still be done. He is just a coward. 

The positive Tom:

I learnt a lot yesterday. 

My MTG selling thread has been updated with new card prices. After I learnt that non standard MTG cards are hard to sell at their mid TCG price, I adjusted them reasonably. Almost immediately, I got an offer from somebody for a total of $100 worth of cards. I was happy that my observation was correct. 

Given that my Sunday was spent outdoor, I proceeded to watch music theory tutorial as soon as I'm unoccupied. I was happy with my progress as so far I had been able to grasp what the videos are trying to tell. I also had my level 1 musical terms refreshed, here are they:

Accento = Stressed note(I cheated) 

Adagio = somewhat slow pace, between largo and andante.

Allegro = very fast

Allegretto = fast

Andante = at the walking pace, moderately slow

A tempo = return to the original tempo

Cantabile = in a singing voice

Crescendo = gradually getting louder

con pedale = on pedal

Da Capo = repeat to the beginning

Da Segno = repeat from the sign

Decrescendo = gradually getting softer

Diminuendo = gradually getting softer

dolce = sweet gentle

fermata = pause, and hold for half the value more

forte = loud

fortissimo = very loud

fine = end of the music

grazioso = graceful

leggato = smoothly

largo = very slow

lento = slow

maestoso = majestic

macato = marked or stressed

mano destro = right hand

mano sinistra = left hand

mezzo forte = moderately loud

mezzo piano = moderately soft

moderato = moderately pae

ottava = play one octave higher or lower

pianissimo = very soft

piano =soft

presto = very fast

prestissimo = as fast as you could

rallentando = gradually getting slower

ritardnuendo = gradually gettig slower

:|||

slur = play note leggato

staccato = short and detached

tie = hold for combined note value

tempo = the speed of which music is performed

tempo primo = return to the original speed

That's all, not many, just a few.

I also did some music exams, but I didn't finish them. I'm planning to do it today. After I finished writing. 

I also managed to write consecutively for 3 days, I'm satisfied with myself for it. I enjoy writing so far. 

I learnt that overthinking was bad, I should be worrying too much. Everything would come together eventually. But what I did yesterday at my TV show was the exact opposite. I was trying to hard to control everything when all I did was making the atmosphere felt forced. It's alright, now I know. 

I feel much better now, even though my father wasn't feeling too well when I reached home yesterday and I brought him to the doc but I think he is just lonely with my mother oversea. He is getting old, so the occasional helplessness seems to have caught onto him. I will try all my best to help him, to help the family, to help myself. 

Thankfully I chose to sleep early even after a not so optimum day. 

I went to bed 230AM today. The time needed to put me out of my conscious was probably half the speed of light, and that made revision of what I had learned yesterday impossible.

I woke up at 830AM and felt refreshed. While speedily cleaning myself, I tried to recall what were learnt yesterday:

Excessive emotions can only hinder my thinking circuit, they cause more harm than benefits.

Saving Private Ryan is a good movie. Tom Hanks, and the others were all very good at their roles. My understanding for WWII had grown for the most part, I know who Private Ryan is, and I also now aware that canteen means water bottle. Oh ya, and FUBAR.

I know the name for the 8 scale positions: Tonic, Supertonic, Mediant, Subdominant, Dominant, Submediant, and Leading Tone. With which the Tonic and Dominant have the most power in a scale.
53 means position root, 6 means position 1, and 64 means position 2. My drawing speed for Circle of Fifths has been increased.

I re-organized all my MTG cards with Excel, basically retyped a new card list. Filled in a few card prices.

That's basically it. I don't intend to use it as a excuse, but I want to start slow and keep going at a steady pace.

I started today with a MTGO draft, wanting to lose and uninstall. I didn't, I ended up winning 2 matches and got my entry fee back. Apparently trying to lose to win was quite a strategy to have. The whole afternoon was spent almost entirely under the sun, feeding mosquitoes, under more sun (I lied, that was actually only 1 sun at all time), feeding more mosquitoes. After we make sure enough mosquitoes were fed, Jerii and I went to town, ate dinner, and went home.

I was opening up my mind to let thoughts flow into it, what I learnt today were:

I want a thin frame circular lens spectacles.

I want only 1 pair.

Paying extra $100 for PC lens probably won't justify them.

I can get my clothes at Carousell.

And once again, in order to meet the person I want to meet, the places I want to go, and the things I want to talk about, I have to become a person who deserve them. That will be my goal from now on.

Endlessly ask yourself, " Are you really happy, or just really comfortable?"