Be strong!

December 20, 2010
Sunny, feeling good




Year 2010 is coming to an end soon. Tomorrow's the last day of the year. As I have planned, not going to spend lots of money and energy to celebrate it; I don't think there is anything worthy enough to celebrate. But since I'm taking a day off on the new year's eve I'm going to spend the day
to get the things I need for daily life. I hope everything's cool, including myself. I know I will be lost easily into this kind of festival emotions. I will start to think about all sort of things I have done or what will I do in the future etc. I know tomorrow is one of the days that I'm in high risk to it. But I've been finding ways to make myself calm down whenever I in this kind of condition. Let's hope everything will be as calm as a hippo. Although I'm worrying now, but I know I will pass through this time, and the many more times to come. C'mon, you can do it Tom! You have learn so much in this year already, this should not be something of an issue you should be afraid of!

ℒℴνℯ

Just realised it's winter

December 28, 2010
Rainy, Drifting away






I have been thinking of settling down, and I'm have wrong. It's still too early for me to even think of that. I must not return to where I once was. I know my goals, I know I want to realize them, but I should not be too anxious about them. Step by step, start to do only when the time is right. I had tripped before and I shall never do it again. I'm glad how this blog is pulling me back to the rail.

This begins to let me think how important is the conversation between me and my heart. Correct thinking can only be achieved only through the exchange of them whereas separate them only leads to tilted results. I must always remember the theory and be reminded once in awhile.

My current is my Maths. I know I'm having difficulty learning that, still I haven't thought of giving out any time soon. I know it's tricky, but I know this dilemma can be solved with persistence. Slowly but steadily.

Let's hope I will find a way to sort things out and be contented with it.

I must be cool-headed.

ℒℴνℯ

Procrastinating

Have been thinking to go to my favorite Macdonald's which is located at West Coast to sort my things out lately. By I can't find a good time to go this few weeks. I think I will go on this Friday, maybe at the night. I wish I can do it asap because I want to set some clear goals in my life. The way I live and the path I choose which will decide the directions I'm heading.

I don't have anymore I want to say today, I shall end it now.

ℒℴνℯ

Goals

Exercise- No
Maths- 2 hours
English- 10 three-thousand words columns
Science- No
Geography- No
Happiness- No
Calm- Yes
Mistakes- 1
Lost control of my self- 1
Magic- No
Music- No
Iphone- No
$4000 a month- No
A house- No
Live alone- No
Life- No
68KG- No
75KG- No
78KG- No
Japanese- No
Girlfriend- No
Blackshot- No
Books- Harry Potter
Rest- Yes
Lost- No


ℒℴνℯ

Genesis Glory

I have decided not to write about my frustration here anymore. This isn't to say that I'll be frustration free, I'll still get irritated by my surroundings. The reason I'm stopping this habit is because I don't want to make myself think there is a place I can always whine in whenever I'm have setbacks. Making this place a shelter kind of place isn't healthy for my life.

In the future, I will only see myself writing to motivate myself and remind myself of those wrong acting.

Soon, I will start making this blog as a place to record down my life. A recording that isn't about whining, but a place for motivating and enlightening myself and noting down my mistakes so that I can remind myself about them.


In addition, a place to track my goals in my life.
ℒℴνℯ

Sorting things out as soon as possible and list down my goals and schedule for achieving them

December 23, 2010
Sunny, Headache





Christmas eve's tomorrow, I don't plan to go anywhere for the celebration of it. I don't want to as going out for the celebrations usually will make me spend quite a sum of money which is one of the last thing I want to do know. I know well. I must follow spend not over my budget I'm allowed for each month. But I occasionally break the rules. I often spend extra to buy Magic booster packs. I know they look like a unnecessary expanse to others, but to me I find joy in buying booster packs. I cannot reject joys, especially in my already unfortunate life. Regardless, I know my limit. When I'm totally not allowed to spend anymore I won't.


Tomorrow after finished enjoying the turkey lonely with Darren I will be going home straight away without going anywhere with him. Because I plan to go cycling around with Javen. Wondering if Javen is willing to do so too. Gotta ask him some time tomorrow when we are going out. Also, because going anywhere with just Darren alone will be kind of pointless since he will be spending most of his time talking on the phone, what's the point having him around? I might as well go somewhere alone. I just feel this is not what a friend should be like, you do not abuse him, you do not treat him as entertainment. That is what I believe a friend is.


I know some day, I need to wake my true self up and live the life I want.

ℒℴνℯ

It's not my job to look out for the welfare of others at the expense of myself.

December 22, 2010
Minor rain, Mood




I know what I want, but nobody's giving me chance. I have made this blog private so that I can freely say what I want to say. No worry about others to find out my blog. I don't need caring from other, I have had enough of that and I don't that anymore. I just wanna do what I want to do. I wanna start doing them as soon as possible. Every morning waking up just to find out that there is another day of waiting to come. Waiting for? To start my own life.

I want to get myself a life that is separated from what my family has been giving to me. I want to be financially independent. I want to be able to feed myself, that said I will have the ability to feed others I care too. Provided I am able to support myself financially. I know if I was to achieve I have to pull out of this family. Without doing that I don't think I will have the confident to accomplish my goals. I don't know if this thinking is correct, but at least this is what I believe at the current stage of life.

I know I'm being weak every so often, but I know that deep in my heart continue to fight is not an option, it is the only path I will choose. I don't have an alternate route; my family won't allow it. Therefore, I must fight. Keep on striving for my goals. I cannot give up, no matter what. I am myself, as always, best known as myself.

"I Can Do Better" is the path to ruin.

December 21, 2010
Rainy, Woke up late




Made a few mistakes today, mistakes that I should have been able to avoid. Will tomorrow be another mistakes free day for me? I hope so. My biggest weakness known to myself is my emotions. I must train myself be able to keep most of my emotional sides in check.

I come out with the idea that the first thing I do when I got my ID is to slim down. My target weight is 68kg.

I going to find a day in a week to go to West Coast park Mcdonald's to sort out my mind. I have too much information stuffed in it already. Maybe this Friday, I don't think I'm going for any Christmas celebrations with Darren on that day as I feel kinda sick to the same celebrations year after year. I want to choose a different one if I was to do any celebrations.

I'm not sure why, but I feel kinda awkward every time I'm with Darren. He is not a bad person, but sometimes I get really irritated by his behaviours. I dunno if I'm the only person who had had that kind of experience. Maybe is the way he talks, the way he acts, I just don't really like it.
I don't expect any changes from him since he is just too stubborn for it since he trusts himself more than anyone else. Or maybe I have known him for too long to believe he will review how he acts already. Not that I don't care about this friend of mine, not that I haven't been trying to tell him how I had felt, but what I have left to say to him is:

Wish you all the best.

Music is the language of Earth. As long as there is Music, there will be no end of the world.

December 20, 2010
Sunny, have not been feeling sick already


I really envy the person in this picture, how I wish I'm the one in the picture. But I know I want to have another one beside me when I get the chance to go over sea. I have had enough of loneliness since young...I don't want to recall them. I know I can do the things I want to do with my own hands. Accomplish my tasks on my own. I must remember, I don't have all the people in the world who can help me, I must and can only rely on myself now. I have to keep on training myself to be someone who I can trust. Christmas's near, but I don't intend to celebrate it since I see no reason good enough for me to do so. I just want to live as peacefully as possible until my wings are fully grown so that I can get away from unpleasant situations comfortably. I don't want to put myself in danger yet, at least the time is not right for me to risk anything. I must not give up. Never give up. I must motivate myself. Yes, that is the way I want my path to be.

I cannot let my emotions get over my reasons. I know just now I did something a little out of control to a friend, but I know I will be more careful next time. I cannot fail because of this sort of stupid mistakes. Failure would not find me.

第一天

December 20, 2010
Cloudy, Sick.

I know I don't talk to you guys much, but that does not mean we are not friends, or even good friends. It is just that I prefer not to talk if I will be given the chance. Because it seems awkward to me if whatever topic I try to come out and it turns out boring, that will usually spoil my mood for doing something just for the sake of doing it. So I hope you guys will understand. I also treat this habit as a test between friendships, the exact meaning of that is if a friendship can be broken up by just not talking between two parties then I think let's not waste our time on it. Good friends can be not meeting nor talking for years and still be good friends, at least that is what I believe it is.
Chemistry does the job well, you don't have to reinforce it.

Writing blog when someone is around potentially seeing what the contents will be is awkward, I prefer to write at home. I really hope I can find a job soon that I enjoy doing much soon. I hope I can be in some art industries area, I will be very happy about it.

I cannot give up yet, no, I will never give up. I want to be somebody, I want to find my way, I want to craft my own story, I want to lead my life the way I want, I want to be myself.

This blog entry will open a door towards my new habits, I must go through the door and find my own path.

Alter Reality

Been having fun these two days, went cycling with an old friend of mine, we had a good time. Although we were both exhausted in the following morning of the cycling night, we were kinda looking forward to the next cycling session. That said, I'm feeling a bit weak now. I think I caught a cold when we were taking some rest by a river. The wind that come along with the wave of the river was chilling and I didn't really bring enough clothes with me as I didn't think we would cycle to that far. But I don't want to fall sick, so I'm trying to keep myself warm for these few nights.
I'm not going to take oily and spicy food until I'm feeling a bit better than now.

There will be a minor modification on my blog, I hope everything will go well.

Disheartening Onslaught

Another not-so-wonderful day. My mood had been in a mess since yesterday evening. Not that I'm surprised by that kind of feeling since I it quite often, as often as I let my guard down. I understand the impact the feeling gives my much. I know it will affect my regular thinking, affect my appetite and potentially make me look away from my dreams and goals. I have been trying to fight it, but it does not mean I have a good guideline to cope it. But I don't plan to give up fighting yet, since I haven't finished trying all the weapons (methods) that I have thought of trying. I come to understand the feel of when you are alone on the battlefield, the bitterness, the helplessness, the despair, the disappointments and all sort of negative feelings you could perceive. Fighting alone isn't an easy task, yet the result is fruitful enough for you not to stop attempting it.

That's all I have got to say. (At least for today.)

丢了的自己，要记得捡回来。

有时候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静的发呆。

有时候，突然觉得心情烦躁，看什么都觉得不舒服，心里闷得发慌，拼命想寻找一个出口。

有时候，发现身边的人都不了解自己，面对着身边的人，突然觉得说不出话。

有时候，感觉自己与世界格格不入，曾经一直坚持的东西一夜间面目全非。

有时候，突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾自己简单的行李去流浪。

有时候，别人突然对你说，我觉得你变了，然后自己开始百感交集。

有时候，希望时间为自己停下，做完还没来得及做的事情。

有时候，想一个人躲起来脆弱，不愿别人看到自己的伤口。

有时候，突然很想哭,却难过得哭不出来。

有时候，夜深人静，突然觉得不是睡不着，而是固执地不想睡。

有时候，走过熟悉的街角，看到熟悉的背影，突然就想起一个人的脸。

有时候，明明自己心里有很多话要说，却不知道怎样表达。

有时候，觉得自己拥有着整个世界，一瞬间却又觉得自己其实一无所有。

真的只是有时候，明明自己身边很多朋友，却依然觉得孤单。

有时候，很想放纵自己，希望自己痛痛快快歇斯底里地发一次疯。

有时候，突然找不到自己，把自己丢的无影无踪。

有时候，心里突然冒出一种厌倦的情绪，觉得自己很累很累。

有时候，看不到自己未来的样子，迷茫的不知所措。

有时候，发现自己一夜之间长大了。

有时候，听到一首歌，就会突然想起一个人。

有时候，希望能找个人好好疼爱自己，渴望一种安全感，可当那个可以疼你的人出现的时候，你却偏执退隐。

有时候，别人误解了自己有口无心的一句话，心里郁闷的发慌。

有时候，被别人伤害，嘴上讲没事，其实心里难过的要死。

有时候，常常在回忆里挣扎，有很多过去无法释怀。

有时候，很容易感动别人的关怀，有时候却麻木地像个笨蛋。

有时候，看着时间一点点流逝，任凭叹息自己却无能为力。



其实，有时候，真的会想这么多。。。


跟朋友装沉默，跟陌生人讲心里话。对于在乎你的，不想让他们担心，有时候没有消息就是一种好消息。其实，很想说，“我很好”或许是昧着心说谎，也只是想把最灿烂的一面，放在每个人对自己印象的首页。。。

Respect brings Recognition

I know well that it is near impossible to please every one in this world, since each person is just different. Trying to achieve that is unrealistic, I don't even think about it. The most you should think of doing, is try to please yourself a.k.a. make yourself happy. But that shouldn't mean that you have a right to ignore other happiness. I think the most important aspect of one's happiness is what makes it happened, which is other people's happiness.

Almost every time, when I stepped in a restaurant or places like it waiting to be served, I would feel sorry for those servers when I see other customers are yelling at them or criticizing their services. I know, some time the standards just would not be the expected level, but that didn't mean the customers had the rights to shout at the servers. Of course, having the thought of bring this kind of matter up doesn't mean I have any good solution or suggestion for it.

I just don't get how would the consumers feel when they were shouting at the servers if they were the one being shouted at? And I believe that happened a lot of time.

I really think those who are in this society should start respecting each other, we are all human, we are alive, we all have feeling, shouting at one another without considering the other parties feeling feels just so immature.

Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.

When people get busy, they ask for some free time. And they spend them on sleep, fun, and all those unnecessary stuffs. Human just will never be satisfied. By nature, they are a hard to please animal. They often leave behind what is important to them, and eventually forget it. What I have learned is that, since there are so many paths you can choose to lead your life, choose the one that make you feel most happy. Don't get scared that you might choose the wrong one as since right and wrong are relative, it there is not comparison, there is no right or wrong. I thought you might have figured out that most of the time comparison is what makes you unhappy.

My two cents: do not compare, without it, there is no stress, no competition, no potential hatred, and thus no unhappiness.

魔幻般的红色

I realized that I'm going to write a blog entry everyday I have better write about my daily life else sooner or later I will run out of idea on what to write here.

It's already been two years since I had my eyes checked up; my eyesight has been getting worse ever since.
I think if I need to change my spectacles I think this is the time.
But I don't want to spend money on this type of things yet, so I'll need to wait for a little more while. Function wise, my spectacles still can get the job done, but occasionally my eyes will feel tired after a session of reading, which lasts around 30mins to 1hour. I guess that can't be help, I just have to correct my sitting posture while reading and make sure to have a acceptable lighting condition.

Have been trying to pick up reading habit for myself, which I find it quite enjoyable. I kinda like reading stuffs ever since I was little, from comic books, newspapers, and novels etc. Well, most of them were in English which is different from what I've been reading recently. English is one of the reason I give to myself to read more, as I could use some help from reading an article in this language to enrich myself while in the same time understand the language more.

The progress of doing them has been doing very good, I think.

看书是一种沉淀

身为一个天蝎座，我常常把话藏在心里不说。因为我知道那些话说出来没营养，所以我选择沉默。
尤其是最近，我沉默频率越来越高。
或许是这两个月来生活习惯的改变导致我要对人说话前都会考虑到很多方面。
但是当我遇到对的人我就会毫无保留的掏心掏肺。
而这样的人，现在在我身边还是有的。
他们给我一种“放心”的感觉。
简单的说，就是一种“不会被背叛”的安心感。
他们虽然只占少数，我还是很谢谢他们。
而那些让我再说话之前需要思考很多遍的人，你们也不要太难过，你们不是不好，只是没有化学反应在我们之间残产生而已。

Convey as much as possible with as little as possible

After trying a new style of writing I had decided a few days ago I have made up my mind on what will my writing style be in this blog. The style I name randomness.

As I have been putting much effort on writing for the past few nights, I realized I have actually put too much effort on it. Thus it had turned itself into a task rather than an interest to me, which is not right. For the rest of my blogging days, I will decide what and how I want to convey in my blog, with style and feeling all chosen by me depends on my mood. I suppose that is a better option. At least I won't give up writing habit because of having difficulty with it.


Writing is and art, to quote Mark Rosewater.

I'm a big big ____ , in a big big world.

Alright, in case the title failed to tell what I'm going to discuss today, it's world.
What about world? What has the world got to do with out topic today (duh, it's the topic)? Is this geography class? No, no, we're not discussing those, in fact it is something about you and the world.

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU AND THE WORLD

We're living in a ever changing world, what you have learned today might not apply tomorrow. It's like the world and us are on the two sides of a scale, when one change in mass, in order to balance the scare, the other side must also have its weight altered. And thus, there is a need for us to find a a solution to the balancing act. So, how are we going to do it? That's the whole point; that's what we're discussing today.

I know some of you might have your own set of rules to deal with the ever changing world, for instance, switching yourself to the "world" side of the scale. By doing that you will be brought along when the world morphs, and thus you won't fall behind it. I can understand the concept well, since I actually have met these kind of people in my daily life. Making a "no comment" declaration to this concept should be fine here I guess, in case some day they read this blog entry. I don't like to comment about people much. (What am I doing here, then?) I'm sure there are many more ways to deal with the problem besides the method mentioned above, but I can't possibly talk about all of them here. I guess it's about time to wrap this discussion up since my English vocabularies only allow me to be that good discussing things in a nutshell. But before I end I want to share with you guys how do I deal with the shifting non-stop world. (I guess you guys are curious about it right? I know you do.)

HIDE AND SEEK

The way I deal with this world problem is I restrict myself on the information I get from the news, papers, internet and other sources. The rationale being if I am selective on how I receive information, I can choose those contents that cheer me up and skip those depressing ones. Because, I believe not all the information you would receive through a third party are true, and yes, neither are those you would see with your own eyes.


And so, with a cool ending (yeah, right), it's time to close today discussion. Come back tomorrow looking forward to some random topic discussion.


Until next time, may you shape the world the way you want.

The year of 1937 ( I'm not gonna reveal where this name inspired me.)

Hello, readers.
Well, I assume there actually are enough to make the noun a plural.
Another night, another topic to discuss. But tonight's different, I actually have already prepared a topic for us to chew here, a topic I have prepared, mind you. OK, without further ado, today's topic will be...

Topic.

Wait! Wait! Don't go yet!
(Clearing throat) I apologize for my bad pun, so, let's get started. A topic is what make a conversation breaks out between two people. Without a topic, conversation usually wouldn't be made. So you could say a topic is what connects two person's mind. Vague enough eh? More explanations will be coming in a few sentences, sit on tight. The topic that would connect two minds is usually a common one, a common topic that shares between two person. You maintain a conversation with someone when you are speaking in your logical way while she is listening with her thinking logic. Those conversations normally will end awkwardly. To quote a Chinese proverb: Speak to duck in a chikenish (OK, I made that up) way.

It has happened to me quite a few times when I was young ( I still am). A conversation either started by me or the other person often ends with one of ours unnatural smile when we had been talking to each other without considering if the receiving partner understand the contents well enough or not. There had not been a very pleasant experience. In fact, I hated them.

Nonetheless, a smart person like me (I apologize for that, please stay), I had come out of a solution. Wanna know what is it? Well, you will have to wait until...

...No! You don't have to wait (since I am seriously lacking the confidence that you will be back tomorrow)! I will share with you in the next sentence!

The solution that I had come out is that I will keep quiet if I feel the content of the conversation that I'm going to start isn't going to be understood by the receiving side. Why waste the breath if what you are saying isn't going to appreciated by the other person? That's the whole point being, save the breath for someone who you think can understand you wel. l(I know my vocabularies seemed to be running out, but who cares, I'm learning.)

That's all I have got to say......tonight. (Gotta save something for future use.)


Until next time, may your conversations always end with a HI-5.

Defragmentation

Hello readers.

Today I want to discuss about...discuss about...discuss about what?! Well, I don't have an idea on what should I be writing about. Let's see...hmm...how about "How to have an organized life"? Do you guys think that sounds good enough to be a topic in my blog? I guess so,so let's discuss about...

"What Do I Do During My Free Time!" ( which I happen to have plenty)

OK, I get my free time when I wake up each morning, except that I have to spend 10-15 minutes on a to-and-fro trip to a coffee shop for where to buy my breakfast. And the first thing I do after breakfast will be watching videos. (you know, those funny Taiwan talk show, I have a couple of favorite ones which show on the TV everyday except Saturdays and Sundays) You guys would think of me doing something more important (hey, the videos are important too), but sad to let you know that there really isn't anything particular important for me to do. Well, I guess there is some, just that I don't reinforce the rule of doing them. You could say that I'm a bad boy, not that I'm going to correct you.

And there is how I start my free time of a day, how I spend the rest of the free time in the day is pretty how much I have done in the morning: having fun, trying to not bored myself. I like being alone, but not with boredom.

As a quick aside, although I do enjoy having free time a lot, but sometimes I felt I had too much of them, I don't think I deserved that much, I should be doing something that will have more impact to my life. Those videos that I have been watching everyday did have impact, but I just think I need to widen my choices, to be able to think outside the box and not forget what's inside.


I really want to start doing something, and be somebody. This is a secret ( well, not anymore) and the truth.


Until next time, may you not have too much free time at hand.

A Saturday trip on a Saturday(???) Part two

Hi guys, welcome back.
By the way, what are you guys doing here for? Oh yeah, the Saturday trip.
What, are you kidding? You couldn't sleep spending the night thinking what would happen to me and my friend when we were at Sentosa island? Stop lying, you liar!
Well, although deep in my heart I know the last statement isn't the truth I will still continue my story of "A Saturday trip on a Saturday".

Let's get started:

When we were about to start our trip to Sentosa island something something struck our mind: we hadn't decide what kind of transportation we should use for going to the island. Several ways were at disposal at the time: we could walk over by using the bridge that linked the mainland and the island; we could swim across; spend $3 to take a train ride over. First one, and the most economical one, foot. I came out with the idea, saying that by walking my friend and I could have a good view of the island, we could control the speed of warping between destinations. Yeah, so, we took the train.
What is this? wait, let me explain what happened through out the decision making moments. Originally, we made up our mind that we should walk given the reason stated above. But just when we were about to land our first step onto the bridge (actually we did), some black color words on a yellow post stopped us from doing so. Well, you could ask would the hell a lifeless signpost could do to stop us, I will explain it here: actually it didn't do anything, it was all just my imagination! Bwa ha ha, got you. (I guess I didn't) That signpost forced us to turn to our other resort: swim across. I thought it would be neat to travel to Sentosa island by swimming, but as we didn't have our swimming trunks with us we were forced to choose another travel method. (not that we would swim even if we had out trunks.) In the end we chose the train as it was the less time consuming and more comfortable method at hands that time.
And thus, we finally reached Sentosa island.

The first thing we would do there was to visit the famous "Universal Studio" ( who, wouldn't?). We come across a flavourful shop, and by flavourful I literally mean flavourful. It was a air-coned space that linked two shops together-that meant you could travel between the two shops
without leaving the air-coned space-one of them sells fancy flavoured popcorns and the other sells chocolates in all flavours. ( let's call the former "popcorn shop" and the latte " chocolate shop). I especially liked the chocolate shop because it not only sells edible stuffs but also decorative chocolate products. I was really fond by a gigantic chocolates bar with some big words written on its wrapper, something like: PROBABLY THE BIGGEST BAR YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!!. I guess it's self-explanatory enough.

After the chocolate shop we went to the casino, which was also the first time I had even been so closed to one. Kinda impressed by it. After that we go to the beach for some shoes-off walking session. A lot of bikini girls. Opps, I meant a beautiful scene. No, I meant a lot of beautiful scenes.
Ok, things are getting boring here(at that's how I'm feeling now writing all these boring parts), time to wrap this story out in a few sentences.
And so, by the time we finished our beach walking the sun had already set and we realized it's about time to have our dinner. So off go to the usual Japanese restaurant. Once we had our stomach filled( the food was nice, there were Japanese food after all), we decided to have our last round walk around the shopping center. By the time of 930pm we were already on the bus going home with some large bags carrying the stuffs that my friend bought during the walk after the dinner.
Too be exact, I wasn't heading home straight away as I still had got work to do-I was supposed to let a sick colleague to go home and rest while I replacing him.
I guess I didn't seem very energetic by the time I reached my workplace( remember the Geylang part and the Sentosa part? If you don't please go back and read yesterday entry again), but I was ok. I managed to reach home before 330am in the morning. Got myself cleaned and dry and finished the "The Burrow" chapter in a popular magic story book (ok, Harry Potter), I lied myself down comfortably. I went straight to deep sleep before I could relized I did. ( who could??)

Wow, took me a while to finished telling everything(well, not quite "everything), but it was quite fun, and I might continue to do this everyday, I don't want to make a promise here, though.

I hate promises.

Well, until tomorrow, hope you enjoy not telling everything in your story.

A Saturday Trip On A Saturday(???) Part one

Been waiting for me to write my today? I don't think anyone would do that for any reason. Well, I guess things happen even if you are not expecting it will, I will start writing my blog now it is then.

Hi, my beloved readers, how's your this week Saturday? Did you do any happy things? Or Had you been doing doing them happily? I see, I see, you guys should have had a great one I guess. As for mine, it wasn't that bad, definitely one of the few good ones I have had in a while.

I went to a street in Singapore called "Geylang"( I don't know what exactly does the name mean) together with a friend who would need to collect some stuff(it was a camcorder for those who are interested in knowing)there today. Having done our business at Geylang, we decided to head down to Sentosa(a small island a few hundred meters from Singapore) for a walk(recently, the government have built some interesting facilities there), and so we thought of choosing MRT as our transport there. While we were on the way to the train station, suddenly we both had a feeling that's getting to a level of unbearable(yes, both had at the same time), fortunately we quickly identified it was the feeling of hunger.( didn't meant the suspense.)

With the unbearable feeling, both of us still managed find out way into a stall that sells soya bean and some fried flour stuffs, we quickly ordered our food thinking that by doing so they will be served sooner. We settled down on the sits by the street (the road was crowded with all sort of vehicles; cars, motorcycles, trucks, and bicycles.) waiting for our food to be handed down to us. There came 2 bowls of soya bean curd, 2 sticks of You Tiao( Some long thingy made with flours) each for one of us, and some round balls made with flour with sesame sprinkled around each of them. The food wasn't taste very bad as I finished them ( since when I have leftover food in my plate)without leaving any sesame on the floor.( Ok, maybe there was some)

After the food, we continued to head to the train station.
When we were about to start our trip to Sentosa island...

What?! I am about to knock off soon?! The time I left don't even enough for me to finished this entry?

Ok, ok, I shall continue it tomorrow.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading my first half of my Saturday trip and expect for more in tomorrow entry for the second part.

Until next time, may you always finished your sesame sprinkled food without any sesame seeds on the floor.

Perhaps An Introduction Would Be In Order

Hello, nice to see you here again.

I've thinking, should I write my blog consistently in a fixed writing style as I often find myself drifted away from the topics of the entries thus made them looked kinda incomplete.
Maybe I should give it a try since I have come up several way on how to make my entries look neat.
The very first matter I thought of putting in use is to imagine there is an invisible person here in the blog, who secretly reads my blog, and eagerly hopes to hear from me every nights.
In short, one who cares about what I write.

Without further ado, let's get started.


It's been quite a while since I started writing my blog in English to practise my fluency in it. As you have seen, I've wrote numerous entry each titled with different feeling of sentiments, I hope they haven't been very boring to read. I think the majority of you like to read blogs (at the least, you are reading one now which is not the most interesting blog on the web), but don't often write them or don't do that at all. But what I want to share is that writing blog can be very calming and frustrating sometimes.
I will give you one simple example of myself.
Trying to write blog with a language that is not your first greatly affects the way your write, since lacking the tools( which in this case, vocabularies) to modify the contents will potentially bored your readers.( see, the contents are getting boring now.)

While I'm trying very hard( not hard enough I guess.) to improve my write skill, I still hope I could use some attention of you all, the readers.
We don't really have to interact in any way since I don't there's a need to do that.
So why should I care if there are any readers for this blog? I think the main reason lies in my personality.
I do, prefer to be alone sometimes, but majority of the time I enjoy being with people, chitchating, having fun etc, I think there is a good way to recognize myself in a way.
So is to say, while every time I'm writing this blog, just the thought of the presence of any off yours is more than enough to continue my keyboard smashing activity.

I hope nothing turned out too mushy for you.

Until next time, may you always have some one who is looking after you.

Free Association

Two days have passed since the beginning of December, the month of the lovers.
I nicknamed it that because that is when the most romantic festival is in, Christmas.
Love often sprouts in this season, isn't it?
Winter it is.
Winter is so cool(I know, pun.), unfortunately I live in a tropical island where the clouds here don't form snow.

Imagine, walking in a snow-covered pathway holding your beloved hand, with a turkey which waited to be roasted by you two, along with some candy canes and a couples of ginger breads, when reached home, your love one rushed into the kitchen and make yourselves some two cup of hot coco drink, how beautiful a scenario it is! Seemed like it could only appear in fairytales!

Well, it did seem like, as it was an imagination after all.

HOH eh

Today I'm gonna write my blog entry in "Singlish", a.k.a. "Singapore English."
By doing that isn't going to help me improve my ability in proper English, but, well, just for the fun of it.

Alright, without further ado:

Hello, today i wake up at 9am, eat the breakfast liao i go see videos in youtube, but i never do my maths homework leh, sian mah tats y i see videos first. O.O
then i see liao see, i realize my stomach hungry liao, then i see the time, wow, time to eat lunch le.;)))
so i eat lunch until want vomit then i continue watch the videos, i tot i can do some home work de but like no mood lei, so i continue to see the vids lor, what do to.
:(((then i think if i never do, how can???;(((
so i force myself to read abit or words lah, better than don have mah, i then think.
then i go take bathe lor, smelly mah, shit abit, wash here rub there, then i come out liao changed clothes then go work le, also bring my dinner too.;p
then reach work liao, sian sian liek that, but then hor, alot of chio bus come lei X.X, sibei alot leh, but i never bio too long lar, don scare kena slash by their bf meh, scare scare lah

then work work liao until now like 1240 le, i feeling abit happy la, now, cos can go home liao mah, when go home liao i don want eat anything, scare fat mah.
tmr wake up liao work one more day i can off liao sibei happy la :>>>

SONG DA!


END


I have made a promise to myself: whenever I'm given the chance, I shall speak proper English.

Until then, may you not realize your goose bumps all are already on the floor.

Filled with Rainwater

I guess changes don't happen overnight.

There is so many stuffs I hope I can change in my life, but that is beyond my ability at my current state. At times when I was traveling, I often caught myself thinking the vehicle why I still took bus as my transport, why shouldn't I be in a car which I was the owner? I always thought that having an ownership of a vehicle was considered to be a rich sign. Heck, even travel in Taxi was a thing I had been looking forward too.

Next scenario comes in when I was in the middle of eating a bowl of instant noodle, I was gutting the noodle, a sentiment would always come to my mind: "Why would I be eating this unhealthy food? Do I have a choice for something nicer?" , I know, silly thoughts.

Another one to put an end to this whining blog entry: "Am I allowed to have one of these at home? Why not? It would be nice if I didn't have to travel this far to have fun."

That dialogue always happened on my mind when I was having fun in some entertainment facilities.


Join me tomorrow for some random talks again.

Until then, may you always get what you want.

AMEN

In my life, there haven't been any successes.
I have never participated in any school exams, needless to say nor I have any certificates.
I hadn't been worried, not until the summer of 2008.
I quit my first ever job back then, thus I was given a lot of time before my next job.
It had turned up to be a whole damn year.
During the early period of my jobless time, I spent most of my time to get myself entertained by all sort of things, going out with friends, surfing the internet from morning till night, playing computer games, and thinking what fancy food I should eat everyday are among them.
That was a normal day in early spring of 2008.
Sometimes, I realized I hadn't got enough money to pay for the entertainments I found, and when I found the situation was getting worst, I knew something wasn't right.
During the early winter of that year, I stayed at home everyday, for I only had $5 to spend everyday.
There were many things I want to own, but I couldn't as I had got little money, and having no income meant even if I had waited the situation won't get better.
That was when the disaster struck.
I started losing confidence in myself, I would get pissed off very easily by trivia matters.
I spent the whole day fearing some unknown stuffs, I couldn't eat nor sleep well.
Sometimes I would tear under my bed sheet, sometimes I lie there for the whole day without cleaning myself.
I wasn't the usual self.
I did try to improve my situation, I tried to ask for help from my parents, but, what can they do?
I wasn't the only one having issues in my family, in fact, my whole family has been in a bad scenario ever since I can remember.
I know, everyone have their own problems, and they would ask for help, however, I wasn't given the option to do that, that wasn't fair.
Since I had got myself a new job, my condition got stable down a a but, but the scars, once there and they will never be gone.
The feeling of the unhappy time gets reminded occasionally, especially when I'm feeling down.

By writing this down, I wasn't hoping anyone would feel sorry for me, I just thought I would give myself chances to let other knows about what obstacles I'm currently facing.
At least I won't feel so lonely.


I'm being emotional now, and that emotional side of me has not brought me anything worth mentioning today, I hope tomorrow morning when I open my eyes I would calm down a bit.

Life has to move on regardless how my emotions flow.

Ever Before, Never After

I slept for extra 2 hours today as I didn't want to feel same tiredness as yesterday's due to lack of sleep.
By the time I woke up, the time had already been 5 minutes or so past 11am, so I skipped my breakfast and was waiting to fill my stomach with a little bit more food during lunch to make up the absence of the breakfast.


I've been striving to understand the maths questions thrown at me from my Primary 5 maths text book, though, sometimes I just couldn't get the essence point in them.
However, like how I did to my English text book back then, I will continue the mission of understanding until I'm very familiarize with those maths formulas.

Today's the last day of the week, it has been quite a tiring week to me.
I didn't get my off day on last Friday, as I had to replace a colleague who had fallen ill on that day.
He still has not returned to work yet, thus I didn't get a chance to claim my off day.
Well, look at the bright side, I will get more money next week when I get my pay check.


To be honest, I like to work, I could even imagine myself working seven days a week without any rest; I just dislike the feeling of staying at home all day idling my time away, to be more specific, I hate it.
As I had been through the irritating time, I don't think I can tolerate any of it anymore.

I won't let it happen to me again.

Timmy, Johnny, and Spike

Three more hours till I knock off from work today, but I'm already feeling very tired.
I've only slept for 5hours or so today, which I thought was going to be enough, but it seems unlikely.
As sleep is very important for me, I won't behave normally if lacking it, I could easily be out of control for having not enough sleep.
So one of my objectives in a day is to ensure I have sufficient amount if sleep.

If possible, I try to avoid writing a blog entry that is either depressing or unhappy, though, creating one often leads to another eventually.
But sometimes I just couldn't keep my emotional side in check, I had got no choice but to let it out.
I write silly stuffs if whenever I'm feeling down or am thinking too much problems that I couldn't digest thoroughly, things like criticising on incidents happened in my daily life, magnifying trivia matters, and discussing about how much I hate my life are among those topics that I have liked to exert.

Writing to whine about stuffs, sounds healthier than those wrist cutting, thieving, and poison drinking methods right?
Well, sometimes it certainly would get the job done, sometimes it just wouldn't.
I admit it is a good way to release my frustration about life, but sure there are more better ways.

I really hope I could find a person that are willing to share with me my thoughts, sadness, moral, joy, and...


myself.

"I want a banana this big!"

Alright, I'm feeling extremely hungry now, the hunger might make me resort to instant noodle when I'm home in 1 hours time.

If possible, I tend to avoid eating anything besides apple 4hours before I sleep. As to sleep with a bloated stomach is not a very pleasant feeling anyone would feel.
One of my the other reasoning is I could eat in the morning so why should it be at night?
Moreover, breakfast is a healthier meal then supper I suppose.

So I'm struggling with the decisions of to eat or not to eat later, though, I think I might surrender myself to the craving of food for this time.

Despite the fact that I like working till early in the morning, but sleeping late with an almost empty stomach is bad, at least for my diet plan.


The difficulty of maths is really an interesting territory to me as I find it rather enlightening.
Three days since I started my learning in maths I find that it not only teaches you how the maths formulas work but also changes your way of thinking in solving problems.
I think, I still got much more to learn on maths.

I guess this should be it for today for today has been quite a normal day for me,

Bonam noctem.

When you only have hammers, all your problems look like nails.

Today, I woke up at 930 am again.
As usual, I went down to the coffee shop to buy my breakfast, however, the choice I made, having vegetarian food, was unusual.
That choice seemed to be a fairly good one, as I didn't feel the greasy feeling in my mouth which I would feel if I had taken coconut rice for my breakfast.

I might continue the making of the right choice for a few days in a week.


Since I had started to go deep into maths, which means I had stopped doing English home works, but that is not going to stop my will in continuing the learning of this language.
What I do now, for familiarize myself with the language, is to cultivate a habit of reading everyday, in Chinese or in English. (However, the latter is still in my priority now.)
I had thought of a few good ways to improve my fluency in English is that to adapt myself in a English speaking environment, but I don't think it will happen anytime soon as most of the places, if not all, I will be in are mostly filled with Chinese speaking people.
Some do speak English, though, in a broken way. ( In that way I could even speak better than some of them.)

Well, since I can't change the surrounding anytime soon, in the mean time I should try and figure the language out on my own.


Tomorrow's Friday, which is my day off in a week.
I don't have any plan for it nor do I want to have, as if you have been following my blog you should have known that I'm currently trying to save some money, so the less outing for my life is the less I will spend.
However, I won't mind entertainments that require me to only pay little silvers or not at all.
For instance playing computer games at my work place.
As far as I hate to do a job that don't require me to use my brain a lot, I like my work place environment, as in for gaming.
It is a almost fully lit room, with other peoples computers adjacent to yours at a comfortable distance.
Well, to be honest, the best thing of it is I don't have to pay a single penny for my gaming session while there.

I think I will come (I'm still at my work place.) down and play games tomorrow, but I can't decide the time for it now.


For some mysterious factors, my tummy width seemed to be in check for the moment, I shall continue to make it sustainable.


Until next time, may your always have a tummy under your control. ( Yeah, taken from Mr. Mark Rosewater with some tweaks.)

Passion for passion

I woke up at 930am today, went to a coffee shop to get my breakfast, my house is just 2mins walk away from it.
Had been in a 10mins queue in front of a coconut rice stall, there were about 7-8 person queuing in ahead of me.
A lady who was with who look like her grandchild came talking to the stall helper out of nowhere, who was serving customers at that moment, I couldn't hear clearly what was the content of their conversation, I just saw the old lady customer was pointing here and there at the food racks, which contained the cooked food that were ready to be served.
Finally it was my turn to make order when I realised what the old lady had been talking.
The stall helper didn't ask me what I would like to go along with the rice that I was going to order(she knew I would ask for coconut rice, since I would go her stall 4-5 times a week.), instead, she started packing a mysterious order which I didn't see any one ordered.
After packing the breakfast on the unknown, she handed it over to the old lady who had been talking to her.
To be honest, I wasn't bothered by it, I just thought that how come she( the stall helper) would let a person to have his/her order earlier than those who had been queuing?
I know it was just a trivia matter, and I'm not very keen to talk about it here,
it is just that,


I don't have any idea of what I should write in this blog today.


I started reading a mathematics text book today since so long, to my surprise the questions were very tricky, not that I couldn't solve, it is just that, as it was a books supposed to target those primary 5 kids, I was bewildered how could a kid at the age of 11 understand there mind teasing questions?
Nonetheless, I kinda like how maths work when I slowly remembered how it should work, even though I haven't gone into it quite deep yet, but I certainly will like it when I do.

Tomorrow's another working day, and the day after will be the day of friends gathering, for some fun, silly talking, and food.


Until then, may you always will be able to understand what I'm trying to convey in English.

Incendio

Finally, I have finished doing my last page of homework for my English text book.

I will start my maths tomorrow, which is at a same level as a Primary 5's.
However, I will still continue reading English articles for the upcoming days with maths.


Recently, or more specifically, a few days ago, I started reading articles and news about the card game: Magic: The Gathering.

Especially articles from the fantastic lead designer of many expansion sets: Mark Rosewater.
His articles are great, and made me think that reading them is the same as listening to him face to face.

As usual, whenever I'm interested in something or someone, which I seldom do, I like searching for more information about them.
Thus, I requested to be friend with him on Facebook.


My stomach has not been getting narrower than before, it is in fact growing horizontally.
I have tried to eat lesser for my usual 3 meals, but still the width of the stomach hasn't been cut.
Nonetheless, I'm not too surprised with that as I haven't been exercising.
I control my diets, try to get enough sleep everyday, keep myself under control all the time,
but deep in my heart I know something is still missing,
and the thing is exercise.
Not because I haven't thought of it nor I'm lazy doing it, simply because the reason which I have stopped exercising can't be reasoned easily.


If I was to start exercising,
it is not for someone, it is for myself.
I have set it aside some time ago, and if I ever want to pick it up again,
I have to be sure there is no stopping in it.


Therefore, I'm not afraid to start exercising, it's the stopping that scares me.

Phytoplanktons' wishes

I'm drinking a canned drink now, an unhealthy beverage I supposed, though, I was asked by my colleague to share with him.

Last week had been an average week for me, as in my emotion.
The week started off with me going to work and knocking off everyday on time ( well, the knocking off part isn't always correct), having sufficient money to last through out it.

Overall, I lived that peaceful week controlling myself not to do some regrettable deeds and keeping my daily diets in checked.

A brand new week has just begun, and many unexpected things are all about to happen soon.
Be it good or bad, what's important is my will of never-give-up, with the right will and mind able to control my weaker sides, it has the potential to turn any depressing issues into meaning full thoughts.

I shall keep myself strong, otherwise I won't be able to start a new life with anyone.


Upgrading myself with books and cultivating good habits surely are in the part of my schedule.
Although I still can't throw my temptations aside, but I'm trying to do that whenever I have the chance.

As part of my schedule, too, I went to a book shop to get a maths text book in the afternoon.
When I reached the shop, I try to browse the text books in different learning level.
From Primary 5 to Secondary 1, I figured myself was on a level somewhat between late Primary 5 to early Primary 6, thus I bought a Primary 5 one thinking since it had been ages I stepped into this subject I better continue from the beginning.

Having the need to pack dinner from home, I went back after a 10mins wait in the queue.

Not long after I started my work for today I remembered a movie award had recently been held, so I thought of searching in the internet for the recordings of it.
I usually don't watch awards, unless it had my favorite celebrities attended.
And it did.
I have been watching the recordings I found on Youtube since 7 P.M. and I still haven't finished them yet, however, the time now is almost 1 A.M. and I have to leave my workplace soon.
I guess I will have to continue them tomorrow.

Bonne nuit.

有一种深度，叫做无知

Woke up from a 5hrs sleep today at 9 A.M..
I decided to have a merely 5hrs sleep because I wanted to have breakfast; I'm cultivating this habit.
Awoke from sleep with a hungry stomach would make me feel, well, hungry.
I think that could have been me declined to eat anything before sleep these days, so I would always wake up with an empty stomach and thus I could have the appetite for breakfast.
I have heard breakfast is very important as part of a person's daily meals.

Originally, I planned to go to a bookshop and get a mathematics text book today, but I did not.
Trying to save some money made me changed my mind on that, but still I think getting the maths book I need for studying is inevitable as my English text book really is going to finished soon.
Let me calculate how much I get to spend this week, and once I got the budget I will promptly get one.
I reckon by next week I should have a new text book for studying.


I reached my work place early today, roughly 2 hours prior to my work time with the intention of playing some games before starting work.
I did, played some fine games, along with some interesting online player who I hadn't had a chance to meet in real life yet, not that I want to.
After the relaxing 2 hours, as I started my work on time.

Got myself understood what task had I been assigned, and hoped today would be another day when I could end my work peacefully.
Well it really have been, 33 minutes more to end work.
I'm even with a filled stomach, which is a rare scene I supposed.
It has a reason for that, but I would rather keep it to myself than sharing here.


Buenas noches.

Listen to Your Tears

A friend of mine, who had been playing some computer games with me yesterday evening, suggested we should head down to city at the time.

I thought that was quite a crazy idea as time was going to be 8P.M. soon, by the time we reach the city area it would be close to 9P.M..
Going down to the heart of the country at that hour without any necessity activities would be sort of boring I guess, nevertheless, we headed down after signing out from gaming shop we were at.

The night life had started as soon as we reached the shop, which was around 9P.M., our friends were already there, which were the main reason we decided set foot on the city at that late.

They helped us in booking 2 gaming stations, so by the time we reach we wouldn't have to wait; My friend and I had been waiting on the bus we took for going down to city for more than an hour.

In the middle of our gaming session, a man came to me and talked with me that a guy in my gaming clan had recently offended a gaming clan of his.
I went in the conversation and tried to understand the situation regarding the matter, well, even though I already what had happened between his clan and mine, I did that just because I wanted to be nice to him and not causing anymore unhappy emotions from him.
In the end, I had the guy understood that it had all been an misunderstanding; never had and wouldn't have anymore hard feeling between our clans.

My friends and I played much games before we decided to leave the gaming shop at roughly 1A.M., after settling the bill we separated into 2 groups: The friend who went down with me a group as we stay near each other(quite so), and the 2 other a group.

After bidding farewell with one another my friend and I took a walk around the city, to our surprise it was still filled with people here and there even though the clock was ticking to 2A.M. in less than five minutes.

We were feeling hungry, and went on in search for some food ideas, eventually we settled ourselves on instant noodles.

After which we took a bus home, safely and sound.

To Dry Her Eyes

So I've decided to stop my learning on English, and I think it's time for me to pick up maths.
Maybe tomorrow I'll go to the bookshop near my house and do some shopping for a text book of beginner maths.
Kinda feeling happy that I've learn quite a lot from studying English everyday for the past one and a half month.
I still don't think I can write amazingly in English yet, at least before giving myself more time to contact with the language more, but I think I should be find reading it.

I quite look forward to the maths I'm going to take up, I wonder how difficult can maths be to me? I've always thought maths were just another subject which solutions were all based on logical thinking and familiarity of the formulas, I'm not sure about if it's really true in anyway, but I guess I'll figured it out soon.

Well, if a problem has its logical solution, with me given enough time, it should be a problem that I'm able to solve eventually.

...
...

Love is not.

Poignant scene

Slept at 5am yesterday, woke up roughly ten minutes before 12noon.

Had my lunch at 1230pm with Jerii before going with him to a shopping mall to update his cellphone's operation system.

Reached the mall at around 130pm and we went to search for the shop for doing the updating directly, after less than 10 mins of looking around we came by a crowded shop equipped with a pair of large speakers, which was then playing some decent loud pop music, no that I was complaining.

The queue wasn't very long, we were only 2 customers behind, and we got served after a 15mins wait.

The person who had been serving us was a Filipino lady, who was at the age of around 28-30, tanned, well dressed that looked professional, after some enquiries we were told that a 1 hour waiting time was needed to update the phone, and so we went walking around browsing different shops while waiting the phone being updated.

We promptly headed back to my place after we have collected the phone because I needed to pack dinner from there to work.

Reached work just in time, after settling down I began my work shift for the day.

Quite a long day to me, good thing is that I'll be going home in 37 mins time, since I'm kinda hungry now I might cook myself some beehoon before going to sleep.

Well, that is a stunt pulled by adults, DO NOT MIMIC!

Koi shiyou?

I'm knocking off in 37 mins time, but I'm not going home after that, I'll be playing computer games.
Just had my dinner which was bought by uncle from a coffee shop, the highlight dish was curry chicken, I haven't had that in a while because I think it is too offensive to my stomach.
But with the fact that I like curry, having it once in a while won't hurt the stomach that much I think.
I hope so.

Recently I have back to the video games mood, I found an interesting trailer of the to be release monster hunter portable 3rd on PSP, I find the new expansion really fun.
I really want to play it sometimes, but I don't think that is possible because I had sold my PSP and I don't wanna spend much money on my entertainments.
I would prefer be desired for it then to actually play it with a hungry stomach.
Stomach again, huh?
Only when stomach is filled then we are able to keep on doing the things we want to do.

I spent half of my work shift today reading English news reports and the other half on a National Geographic magazines, both of which are really educational and interesting.

I like learning new things and meeting new friends in a way more than by sitting down to read books and saying hello.

I can't spell LO_E

I don't know what I can write here,
I don wanna keep on sharing usual things happening around me,
I also don't wanna criticize on issues here.

I wanna write about my emotional side, but I don't know where to start,
or where to stop once I have started.

I can be a very emotional person sometimes, especially to things and people around me.
And my emotions are very those very extreme ones, if I have the choice I will not want showing them around.

Keeping them myself is a safer choice I suppose, because I think showing them isn't going to solve my problems in life, so I think might as well keep them hidden.

I'm afraid of crisis, I won't have any plan to deal with it when the time comes.
My family has a weak foundation, we don't have the money nor the place enough to handle big problems, just by hearing how is my family going to pay the house rental is an enough force to pull myself down to the abyss.

My family has been having a lot of troubles ever since I can remember, and the troubles always involve money.
The family has been quite a few stage before when we don't need to worry about money, but things had always gone wrong.
I remember once, there was a time me and my two younger sisters had only instant noodles to eat for lunch and dinner, and after the meals we didn't know will we still get to eat the day after.
Not only that, I recall there's another time, my mother, who was bringing me and my two sister, was once begging to the landlord to let us in our house. The landlord had changed the lock because the rental fee had not been paid for too long.

Ironically, my family is still having the rental feel difficulty even though I am much older than that time.
What does that mean? That means the family still hasn't improved a bit since then.
Having that in mind every morning is enough to depress me, I don't know if my motivations are enough to keep me going any longer.
I'm not begging for help here, I just want changes to my family, positive changes of course.
We don't need to be rich overnight, we don't need to live in a bigger house nor do we want to have high education children.
All we want is to have an identity for everyone of us.
From there then we can start moving, otherwise no matter what we do now is redundant.

I know I should not be saying this by now after been through so many troubles with this family, I can also understand this is being too selfish, and saying this is not going to help the family to grow.

But I have to let it out sometimes, I can't always keep it inside my heart or I will become suffocated.

...
...

I hate this family.

Iris

To have goals in life is very important, the applies to me too.

I woke up each morning hoping that I'm able to remember my goals well often.

I wish I could live always bearing my goals at heart everyday.

I like to go sleep counting how many goals are there.

I haven't had any real goals in my life till now,

I made some recently.

They have been the things that keep me moving.

They also help me remember what I am.


I woke up at 1230pm today, though the initial plan I made yesterday was 930am, in order to have breakfast.

But I didn't make it so I woke up eating lunch instead.

After watching a few video clips I went to study my English.

Half an hour before 3 I went to take a hot water bath, I always prefer taking hot water bath over cold water bath even though I don't take that often.

I stretched my legs and body after a 10mins rest coming out from bathroom.

Ate a banana in fear of hunger before dinner, and I set off for work.

Reached work after been in a wet trip, realising I have already had my eyes on the food I brought to work that I bought from a food stall, I had wanted to eat it.

Although I had managed wait until 6pm before I started eating it, the time I spent waiting for the time was suffering enough.

During work, I figured that My 2years old spectacles could made my eye sight worse, due to the fact that I haven't gone to a spectacle shop to check my eye sight every since I bought it.

I have been feeling soreness on my eyes every now and then, sometimes it would spoil my mood for a day.

Still, I don't want to spend the money to make a new pair of spectacles, I don't think this is a good time for that.

I guess I will try some free methods to ease the pain, it could me cutting down the usage time on computers or having diet is good for eyes.

I am still in the middle of saving as much money as possible even though I have slightly overspent this week, I guess I will let the coming weeks make up for that.

I'm letting my eyes to take some rest by slowly shutting down myself for the day after a short while.

Good night.

Naught

Today's Friday, should be a day that can cheer people up.

But for some unknown reasons, people around me doesn't seem to be happy today.

One of my colleagues has been scolded by our boss because of a stupid reason, even though he didn't say anything, I could tell he has been feeling upset from his expression.

Also, I have been given hints of anger from another colleague of mine, he has been gentle ever since we met at work, but today he seemed to be acting stranger than normal days he have been.
From the given hints I'm able to figure out that I have better be more careful on how I will act and speak until the end of today's work shift.

Writing an entry for blog everyday is a habit I have been cultivating, I think by consistently doing that I can improve my English slowly but steadily.

I cannot possibly fully express myself here, even though there is so much to be said.

Adjectives:
Inquisitive - Inclined to investigate; eager for knowledge.

Mushy - Resembling mush in consistency; soft.

Prickly - Prickling or tingling or smarting.

Tame - Brought from wildness into a domesticated or tractable state.

Vast - Very great in size, number, amount, or quantity.

Bewildered - To confuse or befuddle, especially with numerous conflicting situations, objects, or statements.

Ashamed - Feeling shame or guilt.

Combative - Eager or disposed to fight; belligerent.

Flipped-out - To lose control of oneself.

Defiant - Marked by defiance; boldly resisting.

Envious - Feeling, expressing, or characterized by envy.

Frantic - Highly excited with strong emotion or frustration; frenzied.

Grumpy - Surly and peevish; cranky.

Jittery - Having or feeling nervous unease

Nasty - Morally offensive; indecent.

有一种营养， 叫作眼泪。

I often remind myself that I still have dreams, because that keeps me motivated.
Dreams are a must to let a person look like a person, otherwise a person without dreams is just the same as a living dead, or a zombie.

Unless I want to live a zombie live, I'll keep dreaming.

And it is important to remember what are your dreams, you can do that by either sharing them with others and make them remind you once in a while or you could write them down.

I've heard someone wrote his dreams on a small paper and keep it in his wallet so that he can read them whenever there is a need.

I think that act is pretty cool, I won't be surprised if I find a note in one of the compartments in my wallet with all my dreams written on it.

Well, I truly understand that not all the dreams will come true, however, just the thought that one of my dreams might come true is already enough to reignite my spark.

Currently, besides my dreams, there aren't a lot of things that have the capability of cheering me up, that is why I haven't been feeling too happy for anything.

I just want to keep my life as simple as possible for the current time, I don't think it is a good idea to drop a rock into an already blurred water.

What you see, may not always be what you get,


at least from me.



More adjectivesss:

Avidly - Having an ardent desire or unbounded craving; greedy.

Boastfully - In a boastful manner.

Busily - Engaged in activity, as work; occupied.

Clumsily - Lacking physical coordination, skill, or grace; awkward.

Crossly - In an ill-natured manner.

Defiantly - Marked by defiance; boldly resisting.

Dimly - Lacking in brightness

Enthusiastically - Having or demonstrating enthusiasm.

Frantically - Highly excited with strong emotion or frustration; frenzied.

Joyously - Feeling or causing joy; joyful.

Tensely - Tightly stretched; taut.

vibrantly - Pulsing or throbbing with energy or activity.

Vivaciously - Full of animation and spirit; lively.

Wearily - Physically or mentally fatigued.

Zealously - Filled with or motivated by zeal; fervent.

Reponding to your reponse

Although I have quit Magic due to lack of time and resources, I still like updating myself of what's new about this hobby.

It's very rare of me to like a game that is not from made from an Asian country, however Magic has been an exception.

Especially when you could break down Magic into many parts, you could be of zero interest on one but totally fond for another.

For me, I like playing Magic online rather than face to face as the computer keep tracks every thing like life totals of mine and my opponent's, some phrases issues, and permissions to do stuff, to mention a few.

By the way, I like the arts that uniquely come with each of the cards, even the most useless card for playing use could come with one of the most amazing arts.

Like Desolation Angel, Wrath of God, Gush and many many more.（These cards aren't useless by the way.)

For every great game that comes with a great player, to me Luis Scott Vargas is the proest among the pros.

I like watching his videos from Channelfireball.com, which is a website he owns for sharing tips on how to play Magic well, whenever I want to know about what's going on in Magic.

LSV, keep up the good work!

Ad ad ad:
Comical - Provoking mirth or amusement; funny.

Reasonable - Capable of reasoning; rational.

Poised - Held balanced or steady in readiness.

Quaint - Charmingly odd, especially in an old-fashioned way.

Sparkling - Shining with brilliant points of light like stars.

Shiny - Radiating light; bright.

Smoggy - Clouded with a mixture of smoke and fog.

Spotless - Perfectly clean.

Unsightly - Unpleasant or offensive to look at; unattractive.

Wide-eyed - Having the eyes completely opened, as in wonder.

Annoying - Causing vexation or irritation; troublesome.

Brainy - Intelligent; smart.

Cautious - Showing or practicing caution; careful.

Concerned - Interested and involved

Doubtful - Subject to or causing doubt.

夏祭り

Few days ago I decided to spend my one of the only two nights of in a week, which is on tomorrow, to go buy some stuffs for the BBQ this weekend.

But just a moment ago I thought wouldn't it be a waste spending this precious day to go shopping?
Since I can always go shopping in the after noon on any days in this week, why must it be at the particular night?
So I think I will actually end up doing it on other days, maybe on Thursday afternoon, or Friday afternoon.

I've been feeling down for some reason, probably because life's been too bored for me.
I've heard and seen the fun in the outside world, still, I don't know if I'm ready for all the fun out there.
But I really want to step outside and experience what's the feel like, I want to fly outside of this cage that is limiting my moving area.
I'm even willing to break a couple of bones and lose some feathers to break free, I truly understand that those would be the required costs that I would have to pay in order to free myself from my current situation.
Eventually, all will be worth it.

I'm not complaining, nor I have the options to do so, it is just some problems I've been living with for so long before I could remember.
Honestly, I admire myself for having tolerated my saddening life for all these years.


It's not that I'm smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

Adjectivesss and adverbsss:

Daring - Willing to take or seek out risks; bold and venturesome.

Well-received - having been greeted or reviewed with approval.

Unscrupulous - Devoid of scruples; oblivious to or contemptuous of what is right or honorable.

Ominous - Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

Torrential - Resembling, flowing in, or forming torrents.

Unrepentant - Having or exhibiting no remorse.

Filthy - Covered or smeared with filth; disgustingly dirty.

Glamourous - Full of or characterized by glamour.

Gleaming - A brief beam or flash of light.

Graceful - Showing grace of movement, form, or proportion.

Grotesque - Characterized by ludicrous or incongruous distortion, as of appearance or manner.

Homely - Not attractive or good-looking.

Magnificent - Splendid in appearance; grand.

Misty - Consisting of or marked by mist.

寂寞，是一群人的孤单

I supposed to wake up at 930 but end up at 1130 instead.
And the rest of the day I haven't been in a good mood.

For whatever reason, I kept yawning from evening, it has only stopped awhile ago.
Maybe that signaled that I was tired, though it didn't have to mean physically.
Mentally fatigue, should I say?

Whenever I was in a bad mood, I usually would be very quiet, by talking less and let my mind to slow down and think would lift me up from my downed spirits.
I wonder why was that, maybe I just wanted to be myself, but for sometimes things just didn't go right for me, to which I needed to betray my own self and swapped my face into somebody I couldn't recognise.
I didn't bother to explain to those who couldn't understand my thoughts whenever that happened; If they failed to know me, there wasn't a point for me to care for them.
At the end of the day, the person I'll be facing is always myself.
if I won't even be able to take care of it now, how am I going to care for others who are around me in the future? At what stand point should I be in?

So, save your breath from understanding me, it you didn't manage to do it, that meant you don't need to.

What else is there?
I'm not having the craving for food tonight, though strange because pass few days I've been having suppers before I slept but not that I mind, it is good for my diet anyway.

I won't be having BlackShot fun with my friends this week as I requested my off day for this week on a different day attending a BBQ organised by an old friend of mine.
I hope it will all be worth it for such a big sacrificial.

I guess that is all for tonight, see you around and hope tonight I'll have some quality sleep time: no noise, no light, and no chilling wind.

Adjectives and adverbs I learnt today:
Hysterical - Of, characterized by, or arising from hysteria.

Manic - An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze.

Rustic - Of, relating to, or typical of country life or country people.

Dismissive - To stop considering; rid one's mind of; dispel.

Groundless - Having no ground or foundation; unsubstantiated.

Illegible - Not legible or decipherable.

Deadly - Causing or tending to cause death.

Accursed - Abominable; hateful.

Adorable - Delightful, lovable, and charming.

Adventurous - Inclined to undertake new and daring enterprises.

Blushing - To become red in the face, especially from modesty, embarrassment, or shame; flush.

Drab - Faded and dull in appearance.

Distinct - Readily distinguishable from all others; discrete.

Dull - Intellectually weak or obtuse; stupid.

Fancy - Highly decorated.