MTG

The absence of my father yesterday night indicated his ashamed. Well, I anticipated that. I was quite sure had he stayed at home when I arrived home yesterday night I would lose my composure. I've been spending money sparingly, I only spent when necessary. To the rest of the family's members, this notion is non-existence. I've contemplated much, the only path that can help us overcome poverty can only be saving. Only when we have a solid financial foundation then we can start to build on it. Deprived of that, we would constantly be at the bottom and can never see the ray of hope. 

The allegedly "rich people", most of them start here.

I was contemplating yesterday after whether to question my father on his exclusion for this month rent. He was too ashamed to tell me face to face. He thinks he is a very delicate thinker, he thinks he always has everything covered. But it has always been us, his family, to wipe his ass when things went wrong. He metaphorically cowered in fear until all the ass-wiping were completed. After which, he would go dormant for awhile, acting like things never happened. Then he would start all over again. This dreaded cycle went on and on until I arrived at my adult age. His despicable deceptions waned a bit when he aged. When he could no longer talk big, when I had become stronger than him physically. 

He has always been a coward. I have never admired him in anything until now. The family would have went better had he not around. Whenever he had some money, I didn't rejoice at all. I know him having money meant he would spend on gambling, on food and on many unnecessary things. He would squander and would soon left with nothing. I wouldn't have any problem if himself was all he had. But he had a family, he had us. 

It was 915am and there were merely 4 persons in the office. I reckoned something must have went wrong. Thus I hit the internet and did my searching. As I anticipated, the subway broke down and caused a major delay. It made a multitude of commuters stuck in the stations that were affected. The subway's primary goal was to resume the train service and get everyone to where they were supposed to go asap. That was precisely what they failed to do. People ranted about it on their twitter. I think they ranted solely because others were doing it also. By ranting, most of the message were not reached, ranting simply didn't convey enough. They merely resembled themselves child like adult. 

I've been thinking much into starting MTG business once more. My intention is to have extra income and after pondering much MTG is a relatively easy way for me. I can only work for one company at a time, I also don't want to displease the authority breaking the rule. I'm left with one option, that is making myself the boss. I don't want to go into details today. So I will stop here today. 

Longing for benevolence

Yesterday, I didn't write the 500 words solely because I didn't want to write for the sake to write. Probably also because I was being lazy. In the end I succumbed to my sloth. I still yearn to write better, to speak clearer. I've become accustomed to my lack of writing skill; I'm always fearful to learn to write better. My resolution is set, I yearn to write better.

I arrived at my office 1 hour earlier than my work time. No one was in the office of course, I was alone. Like I've always been. I turned on the air-conditioner, lowered the temperature to 22c, was kinda a hoping the changes in temperature would modify my mood. It so far hasn't seen to be effective yet. It is 9am and my work has started. A goal of 3 hours of reading stands before me, I hope I can yield.

Nancy came after me, followed by June, Dorothea and Susan. All of which are quite talkative, I am contented to just listening to their topics as I wasn't in a mood to chat. I prefer some noise in my office environment but most of the people don't seem to agree with me. The silence in the office have always made me feel sleepy.

It's almost 10am, everyone have arrived. Most of us are waiting for lunch time, from when we can take a short break. I feel so sleepy right now, but I want to continue reading.

Susan and May were having conversation in the office, sometimes loud and sometimes soft. Their words were hard to distinguish, not that I put any effort in it. I just felt delighted to have some form of noises in the office.That at least could keep me awake till afternoon comes. By the way, June couldn't join them because there were speaking in Mandarin.

I just got a message from my mother, saying my father is agonizing over this month rent. It is happening again. No matter how hard I try, it was futile. My disgust towards my father hasn't diminish a bit. I don't yearn for a distinguished father, but all he does is whine. He wishfully thinks that he has done will be atoned passively. He is ashamed, only once in a while. He is always giving promises he cannot fulfill. I disdain his character. He always have reasons, but to me his theories all indefensible. At the peak of his age, he was unrelenting. He didn't give a shit to his family. My mother had a very harsh time bring my and my sisters up. At this point of his life, he still hasn't got any idea the preoccupation issues we are having. He only adds to the already immense burden me and my sisters have. He doesn't reflect himself. His repentance was nowhere to be found.

He has been working for 3 months and his financial problem hasn't relieved a bit. He is always asking the kids for money. It is shameful.