When I don't talk to others, it is not because I'm angry. When I don't dress up, it is not because I'm being disrespectful. When I don't argue, it is not because I'm wrong. They are all because of laziness. I'm lazy.

I'm 25 and I don't have any certificate of any kind. My family is poor and in debt. My parents are old and not educated and cannot help the family progress. I have annoying friends. I'm bad at expressing myself. I learn things that are not mainstream. I'm being investigated by the Immigration Authority.

My point being, I'm aware of my situation. To others, I look like a pool of stagnant water right now. When comparing to their bright future, I'm the last state they want to be in. I'm aware of all of this. But what they don't know is, I have my plan, too. The reason they dunno is just because I'm not showing them and I don't intend to.

We are all human, but we all have different backgrounds and received different teachings. It would be bets in my opinion not compare against each other.


My plan probably isn't my best option, but it is what I'm happy with.

Living Death

I like to express my sense of humor whenever I have the chance and I think it is appropriate. I think that is a good way to let others know what kind of a person I am. From their reactions, I can also get some clues of who they are. This may not be the best method, I think it is close. Also to note that this method may not be suitable for everyone. 

Some people are good at it, some people are not, but there are something that just can't be joking around. Hair loss? Money? Height? For me, matter of life and death. I avoid making jokes about illness, health,accidents, terrorism, catastrophes. They are just not funny, not mater which angle you look at them. 

Of course, they are some people who think the opposite. My reactions to them when they make these kind of jokes are usually just give them a stiff laugh and make a mental note to myself that they are not going to be the person I'm interested to know more about.  

Recently, there has been a news that bothered me. A celebrity committed suicide. No big deal huh? How much can a stranger's, that you have never meet in real life, death bother you? Yes, a stranger, but not a complete one. She had been the special guest for a show that I liked a lot a couple years ago. She probably would be one of the last person you would think of when talking about self hurting. Her sudden death just made me sad. It's a pity, I think they must had been someone who could reach out to her. They missed the chance and it's gone forever. She left a posthumous papers, saying that she had been living with grieve because of criticism from the bulletin board from the internet. The papers also talked about how she was trying to fight back but with no result. She was misunderstood and ended up resort to use death to let the world know her innocence. 

The sarcastic thing is, most of us will forget what she was trying to tell with her death and continue to bring the misery to the next person.