Sorting things out as soon as possible and list down my goals and schedule for achieving them

December 23, 2010
Sunny, Headache





Christmas eve's tomorrow, I don't plan to go anywhere for the celebration of it. I don't want to as going out for the celebrations usually will make me spend quite a sum of money which is one of the last thing I want to do know. I know well. I must follow spend not over my budget I'm allowed for each month. But I occasionally break the rules. I often spend extra to buy Magic booster packs. I know they look like a unnecessary expanse to others, but to me I find joy in buying booster packs. I cannot reject joys, especially in my already unfortunate life. Regardless, I know my limit. When I'm totally not allowed to spend anymore I won't.


Tomorrow after finished enjoying the turkey lonely with Darren I will be going home straight away without going anywhere with him. Because I plan to go cycling around with Javen. Wondering if Javen is willing to do so too. Gotta ask him some time tomorrow when we are going out. Also, because going anywhere with just Darren alone will be kind of pointless since he will be spending most of his time talking on the phone, what's the point having him around? I might as well go somewhere alone. I just feel this is not what a friend should be like, you do not abuse him, you do not treat him as entertainment. That is what I believe a friend is.


I know some day, I need to wake my true self up and live the life I want.

ℒℴνℯ

It's not my job to look out for the welfare of others at the expense of myself.

December 22, 2010
Minor rain, Mood




I know what I want, but nobody's giving me chance. I have made this blog private so that I can freely say what I want to say. No worry about others to find out my blog. I don't need caring from other, I have had enough of that and I don't that anymore. I just wanna do what I want to do. I wanna start doing them as soon as possible. Every morning waking up just to find out that there is another day of waiting to come. Waiting for? To start my own life.

I want to get myself a life that is separated from what my family has been giving to me. I want to be financially independent. I want to be able to feed myself, that said I will have the ability to feed others I care too. Provided I am able to support myself financially. I know if I was to achieve I have to pull out of this family. Without doing that I don't think I will have the confident to accomplish my goals. I don't know if this thinking is correct, but at least this is what I believe at the current stage of life.

I know I'm being weak every so often, but I know that deep in my heart continue to fight is not an option, it is the only path I will choose. I don't have an alternate route; my family won't allow it. Therefore, I must fight. Keep on striving for my goals. I cannot give up, no matter what. I am myself, as always, best known as myself.

"I Can Do Better" is the path to ruin.

December 21, 2010
Rainy, Woke up late




Made a few mistakes today, mistakes that I should have been able to avoid. Will tomorrow be another mistakes free day for me? I hope so. My biggest weakness known to myself is my emotions. I must train myself be able to keep most of my emotional sides in check.

I come out with the idea that the first thing I do when I got my ID is to slim down. My target weight is 68kg.

I going to find a day in a week to go to West Coast park Mcdonald's to sort out my mind. I have too much information stuffed in it already. Maybe this Friday, I don't think I'm going for any Christmas celebrations with Darren on that day as I feel kinda sick to the same celebrations year after year. I want to choose a different one if I was to do any celebrations.

I'm not sure why, but I feel kinda awkward every time I'm with Darren. He is not a bad person, but sometimes I get really irritated by his behaviours. I dunno if I'm the only person who had had that kind of experience. Maybe is the way he talks, the way he acts, I just don't really like it.
I don't expect any changes from him since he is just too stubborn for it since he trusts himself more than anyone else. Or maybe I have known him for too long to believe he will review how he acts already. Not that I don't care about this friend of mine, not that I haven't been trying to tell him how I had felt, but what I have left to say to him is:

Wish you all the best.

Music is the language of Earth. As long as there is Music, there will be no end of the world.

December 20, 2010
Sunny, have not been feeling sick already


I really envy the person in this picture, how I wish I'm the one in the picture. But I know I want to have another one beside me when I get the chance to go over sea. I have had enough of loneliness since young...I don't want to recall them. I know I can do the things I want to do with my own hands. Accomplish my tasks on my own. I must remember, I don't have all the people in the world who can help me, I must and can only rely on myself now. I have to keep on training myself to be someone who I can trust. Christmas's near, but I don't intend to celebrate it since I see no reason good enough for me to do so. I just want to live as peacefully as possible until my wings are fully grown so that I can get away from unpleasant situations comfortably. I don't want to put myself in danger yet, at least the time is not right for me to risk anything. I must not give up. Never give up. I must motivate myself. Yes, that is the way I want my path to be.

I cannot let my emotions get over my reasons. I know just now I did something a little out of control to a friend, but I know I will be more careful next time. I cannot fail because of this sort of stupid mistakes. Failure would not find me.

第一天

December 20, 2010
Cloudy, Sick.

I know I don't talk to you guys much, but that does not mean we are not friends, or even good friends. It is just that I prefer not to talk if I will be given the chance. Because it seems awkward to me if whatever topic I try to come out and it turns out boring, that will usually spoil my mood for doing something just for the sake of doing it. So I hope you guys will understand. I also treat this habit as a test between friendships, the exact meaning of that is if a friendship can be broken up by just not talking between two parties then I think let's not waste our time on it. Good friends can be not meeting nor talking for years and still be good friends, at least that is what I believe it is.
Chemistry does the job well, you don't have to reinforce it.

Writing blog when someone is around potentially seeing what the contents will be is awkward, I prefer to write at home. I really hope I can find a job soon that I enjoy doing much soon. I hope I can be in some art industries area, I will be very happy about it.

I cannot give up yet, no, I will never give up. I want to be somebody, I want to find my way, I want to craft my own story, I want to lead my life the way I want, I want to be myself.

This blog entry will open a door towards my new habits, I must go through the door and find my own path.

Alter Reality

Been having fun these two days, went cycling with an old friend of mine, we had a good time. Although we were both exhausted in the following morning of the cycling night, we were kinda looking forward to the next cycling session. That said, I'm feeling a bit weak now. I think I caught a cold when we were taking some rest by a river. The wind that come along with the wave of the river was chilling and I didn't really bring enough clothes with me as I didn't think we would cycle to that far. But I don't want to fall sick, so I'm trying to keep myself warm for these few nights.
I'm not going to take oily and spicy food until I'm feeling a bit better than now.

There will be a minor modification on my blog, I hope everything will go well.