刚起床

饿

累

没心情

天气很好

和我相反

继续睡

不好

又收到了简讯

无聊的

二十四岁了

思想还这样

父母喂到现在的关系

很好

父母关心

不用烦

好了

吃饭

一天，一天天

会内疚所以困扰

可以帮到忙

感觉不错

你真的很罗嗦

但只有你能陪

第八集游戏快完了

好是觉得第七集好玩点

你买你的马票

不中关我屁事

可以不要在我面前骂吗

你有你的牢骚

说过头了

御坂，我今天好高兴

偶尔和老朋友玩还是挺有趣的

久久一次

累人

但我没想那么多

到家了

好不想睡

玩多一下在睡

平安夜

我发现如果我只是把平常会说的话写在这里好像没什么意思

不如我尝试写一些真心话看看会不会有趣些

今天是圣诞节，一如往常我还是单身的过

玩了一整天的游戏，蛮有成就感的

这个圣诞节，过的不错，宁静就是一种幸福

御坂，圣诞节快乐

平安夜

我发现如果我只是把平常会说的话写在这里好像没什么意思

不如我尝试写一些真心话看看会不会有趣些

今天是圣诞节，一如往常我还是单身的过

玩了一整天的游戏，蛮有成就感的

这个圣诞节，过的不错，宁静就是一种幸福

御坂，圣诞节快乐

ね,御坂

我时常会暴饮暴食，最惨的是往往都是之后才发现。然后就会后悔自己的所做所为。

哎，都不知道怎样才好。我喜欢吃东西，可是又因为一些理由没在运动所以体重不停上升。老实说这不是我想要看到的，可是不开心的事情一件件的发生在我周围，我实在没有多余的精力和决心来处理这件事了。

。。。

没有，没有好的办法。只是想告诉御坂你而已。

不见了要找回来哦

御坂，到今天我才发现原来我不单单只是讨厌别人叫我做我没兴趣的东西，连我自己叫的我也不喜欢。总之没兴趣的东西就是没兴趣。

还有就是戒掉习惯，会一天到晚脑袋空空没有东西想提不起劲来。

但苦思之后我想到了一个办法，就是与其完全戒掉不如换个方式去做。

就算不是一个好方法，也赚到了一份面对困难的勇气。

不断挖深的洞里的自我对话

不想去上班，可是我已经不能想象这个家少一个经济来源。关系已经有裂痕了，那样的话肯定崩溃。试着面对现实，但或许那是在为逃避现实找的借口。

反反复复来来去去的不断推翻自己的质疑，无形中已经给了自己多少压力，又或那压力给了自己心里什么样的副作用，这都不是现在这个阶段的自己可以回答的。

只有默默忍受，假装是不关己的继续前进。

御坂、助けてよ。

在外面的心情和在家里的心情落差好大，每次回到家都许久不能适应。说话的语气不一样，脑力想的不一样，对自己的态度也不一样。好像家里有什么魔法阵在释放这气氛。一种让人郁闷的气氛。

因此，这个家对我来说不是一个让人安心的地方。

有东西不对，我知道，但是我没有好的应对方法。曾经尝试过为它做些什么，但到头来发现只有自己明白自己的办法，其他人无法被说服。

改变，你在那里？

晚安，御坂

不知怎么的就是不想睡，听着最终幻想系列themesong,思绪一直不让我身体休息。

我知道，此时此刻，在世界的许多个角落，也有像我这般情况的人在。

或许在仰望着星空，或许在亲吻着酒杯，或许在和床铺玩摔角，

但是对我们来说，睡眠天使的庇佑才是正真让人向往的。

云的等待

今天我做了一件连我自己都不敢相信我会做的事。

我等了一个人半个钟头。

很不可思议吧，御坂？

等待的时候我好几度想掉头走人，但最后我还是等了。

是一个朋友，一个挺珍惜的人。

还有我最近脾气不好哦，很容易气就上来了。

只是我不会发电而已，嘻嘻。

御坂没有的烦恼

我真的很庆幸这一次我不用开口和别人借钱。。。但可以的话我宁愿完全不用借钱。每一次都是被迫做这样做那个不喜欢的事。对保持着尽量避开做自己不喜欢的事的心情，想说服自己开口和别人商量钱这件事情可以算是前三名的名单中。我不是不想帮值得帮助的人，可是相对的我也不想违背自己的信念去做事。

避开钱，避开不开心。

吃太饱睡觉好难受

御坂，我不喜欢发牢骚。

我不喜欢闹僵了的气氛，会影响我的心情，最最不喜欢了。

说了这些感觉自己蛮幼稚的，像个长不大的人。

但我认为，可以幼稚一辈子是一种幸福。

不知不觉中不一样了。。。

御坂,

告诉你哦,原来过去几个月我的吉他训练没有白费呐。。。因为一直以来我都没什么和别人说我有在训练吉他所以就没有机会和别人比较。 但其实我的手指在这几个月变得比平常人灵活和有力。 心情有一点复杂和有一点点的高兴。

这个发现让我上了练习其实会在不知不觉中提升我的能力这一课,而这个能力却不是马上就会发现的,但它确实会在那里,不会离开。

Goal Go Goal!

不想一直写沉重的话题，但是当一个人的时候却避免不了孤独的心情。

成熟点吧，明明很清楚这样是不行的。

试试看吧。

今天我设定了这个月的目标，总共有五个。

第一个是要熟悉最少两个吉他和弦的指法。听起来好像很容易但我不想一开始就给自己太多压力。想说两个和弦干刚好。（努力不偷懒练习的话。）

这个月我要坚持每天弹最少一个现实吉他来实现这个目标。

还有我要瘦下来，目标三公斤。要以坚持慢跑和不吃宵夜来完成。

再来是画画，想要用双手创造美丽的事物的我一定要学好画画，所以呢下个月以前必须熟悉画画的基本和理论。就是以每天学绘画的基本功来达成。

然后是每天要有八小时的睡眠，这没什么好说的，不好好休息时不能好好学习的。

最后第二个是要再次把阅读当成休闲活动之一。上个月我发觉我好像花多了一点时间在电视节目上，有点过分，所以呢，电视要看但书还是要继续读。

最后，也是我最担心不能达到目标的就是要控制五指运动的次数，相当有挑战性，但为了健康的深信，我愿意尝试。

好了，在这里说了这些目标后最重要的还是要完成他们，我认为都是有可能成功的，尤其是都说出来了，如果不尽全力的话就太不认真了。

加油。

ℒℴνℯ

青年与月

发生了好多事，都不知道从何说起, 但我想慢慢来还是能交待得清楚的。

首先，我身份的事情还没解决，我知道已经不能拖了。当初我把赌注全部压在我爸爸身上，就是一百巴仙的相信他能够给家一个交待。可是，都已经快年终了，还是没有消息，我还是那句话：我也不知道该怎么办好。。。

其次，去年十一月开始到现在五月，我读了好些书，天文，地理，语文，文学，经典，科学，算术，化学，生物学，心理学，宗教学等等等。。。都稍微解除了一点，虽然没有了解得很深入，但是对它们都算得上是有了初步的概念。我觉得就现阶段我这尴尬的情况来说，可以让我在以后在选择要钻研那一门学问更加的得心应手。

然后呢，现在我虽然把原本读书的时间分配在其他的兴趣上，但已有空还是会拿来阅读。阅读毕竟还是适合我这种心情容易忧郁的人。

其三，算是比较不重要的，就是我慢慢地把自己的生活圈子和朋友的孤立起来，觉得这样可以省下一些麻烦。不要误会，我不是不要朋友了，也不是要忘恩负义，我只是有我的理由，说明白一点，苦衷。要我说明白一点也不是太难，只不过应为理由之所以会成为苦衷，自然有它的道理，那就是说出来也不会有人能了的意思。所以，相信我，所了也是白说。对曾被我冒犯过的朋友，我，不求原谅，只求宽容。

最后，因为少了朋友这个疏通的管道，但我还是有很多不象话的感情想要表达的。我说的这个管道呢，必须要符合时间自由，不需要花大笔的金钱，单独一个人也能完成，不需要读过很多书，等等这些任性的条件之外，还必须是我有兴趣的。

所以呢，在有限的选项里面，我选择了画画和音乐。

先说画画，我不是一个记性很好的人，或者说我有“选择形失忆症”。就是说我会偶尔选择“忘记”一些事情。为了让我可以记得集资曾经释放出的情感，我把它用画的形式记录下来，然后保存起来，以后看的时候可以有一个提醒的作用。

音乐，除了对它的好奇想要进一步了解之外，就是它是一个我坚信可以拯救世界的两样东西的其中之一。

高兴就笑，不高兴就等一下再笑。

ℒℴνℯ

我又回来了 这几天过得很烦 可能是说太多话了 变得不太想自己 想要淡定也淡定不起来 整个人就是一个烦 烦到连呼吸都觉得烦 不知所措 不知道要怎样去调整心情 就算有时候心情好一点 面对着新年过后即将到来的问题 真地会怀疑自己要上哪去找勇气来面对 真得很苦 很想什么都不管 跑得越远月好 但 我可以去哪里呢 想想 这好像也是我另一个烦恼 我 好喘 被压得 喘不过气来了我也好想开心 但每次冷静想想 总觉得它离我好远好远 我不开心 我不敢开心 ℒℴνℯ

今天她来我上班的地方玩。一路往常的，她的出现每次都让我有点心神不宁。
这种情况不常发生在我身上，我想，对我来说，她或许是有一点特别。
性格还不算成熟，有点粗鲁，再加上少数人才能明白的感性，就是我对她耐性观察后得出的结论。

这不是爱情。
ℒℴνℯ

Have been feeling down since yesterday, haven't got any ideas of what to do.
Except I'm planning to go to the cafe by the sea after when I got home and have taken shower. I hope maybe taking some hot chocolate will enlighten myself. Got to pull myself together, doesn't it?

I know I can, just let things develop naturally.

ℒℴνℯ

我不知道我怎么了 我不知道我是不是真的了解自己
做了一个决定但却很快的又给了他否定
我不想对人发牢骚 因为我觉得那会给人带来困扰
给人带来困扰是我最不想做的事情
我只想按安静静的磨练
直到我的翅膀成熟了
才开始呼吸天上的空气
现在的我
只能忍受地上的污染
对
我还有翅膀
我还能飞
我需要时间
需要时间
我知道我比别人慢
但不代表我不能像他们一样达到终点
而之后
我还有去寻找下一个终点
我能够做到
我知道
这是我的路
虽然模糊
虽然孤独
我可以忍受
我不能现在就失去信念
我没有伙伴
我没有翅膀
不对
不是没有
只是还不是时候
我会有的
我知道
现在
我必须抛弃我的过去
因为只有这样我才能往前走
过去给我带来的
不是快乐
不是成功
是痛苦
是寂寞
唯有放下它 然后慢慢的忘记它
我才能成为我想要变成的自己
我不能让它耽误我
我不知道未来的我到底会变成什么样
但我知道如果我想要知道答案的话
现在的我
必须坚强
答应自己
我不能倒下
低头
就是认输
转头
只是避开
总有一天
会倒回来的
反之低头
就是完全放弃了
我不想要这样子
答应我
什么都不要想
除了朝自己给自己设的方向走
浪费时间去想结果也只是徒劳
未来是无限的
但是要有一个方向
所以
不要低头
不要急
一定会到你的


ℒℴνℯ

Have been doing good.

Although I don't write here frequently now but no matter what I do just the thought of there is always a place for me to speak is enough to me.



ℒℴνℯ

TO BUY:

Ankle pouch

Bao wen lunch box

Boxers (5)

DSLR camera

English wen fa xi lie black cover

Haircut

HD TV

Healthy snacks for work

IPhone

Kang Yong's book

long pants (excercise)

Magic card

Laptop (High performance)

Red watch

Shoes for long journey

Slippers

Spectacles

=============================

TO REMEMBER:

Be cool

Can't take prawn heads

COmment only on the understood subjects

Donate olf stuffs instead of throwing them away

Don't get cocoa butter body soap

Don't buy any new clothes( until I've slimmed down)

Don't play notes

Don't recall with nolstagia

Go to m1 shop and enquire about phone reception problem

Habit: A late night a week

Learning: English

Learning: Japanese

Learning: Piano Guitar

Learning: Tai Ji

Learning: To say no

Learning: To tolerate

Learning: To schedule down my activities

Learn to read sentences only so is not to slow down the reading

Look for old memorable songs

Habit: A late night a week

Habit: Magic online

Habit: Sure porn websites not more than twice a week

Habit: To record down my schedule in calendar

Habit: To sort my mind every two weeks

HD TV 8ms-4ms 720-108

Manren songs

Not having haircut this month

Quote: Love rain drop because am an incarnation from the above

Respect magician

PR= Public relation

Sell asking

Speak elegantly

Think in English

To get an O level certificate

To read a 200 pages book every two weeks

To read 2 pages of columns everyday

To start exercising an hour five days a week(Running, basketall)

To slim down to 70kg

To treat my face

To use up all my Blackshot items hours

To write goals in life on a paper and keep in my wallet

1. 35 from jerii

To motivate:

A car

A house like Shinchan or a condominum

Being a MAGIC judge

Don't worry about the unknown

Do things that make my love myself

Don't keep looking around

Don't easily pick up new hobbies

Few friends but good ones

Horoscope: Noise,

Horoscope: Black, Camourflage, Cold blooded, Emotional, Fire, Lust, Mysterious, Pluto, Scorpio, Temptation, Neat

Horoscope: Coffee animal stripes, maroon

Horoscope: Chocolate, Candy

Horoscope: Library, Music shop, Sea, Quiet places

Job's hapiness level

Know faults, corrects faults, but don't admit them

Live life happily

Live my life, don't be bothered

I can settle with myself, but not with friends

It's okay to break some rules once in a while

Independence makes me stronger

Prioritise my priorities

Simple hobbies

Sort things out and think back after three years

Think in a optimistic way is very crucial

Think further

To keep lower half in check to better control myself

To write down my thoughts everyday ( talking to myself)

With creativity you won't get starved

When in the wrong situation, don't make decision

What life do I want

Working hard planning and concentrate living once planned

SYNDROME:

=============================

Cold legs

likes to sleep

Weak limbs

LINKS:

=============================

Bazi - http://wofs.com/index.php?Cool Illustration - http://www.padmag.cn/

E-books - http://www.freeopenbook.com/sorcerers-stone/pg_0068.htm

English Learning - http://www.speakspeak.com/

Mousehunt Tools - https://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=0ApQ2E8kH4UvzdF9kTFVrSmVtTXlqby1FT2o1bWdaUUE&hl=en&output=html

Royi Blog - http://122015365.qzone.qq.com/

Taiwan Variety Shows - http://www.maplestage.com/

option=com_jumi&fileid=7

Magic Comic - http://www.arcadiafloresville.com/manascrewed/comic.php?issue=1 http://ugmadness.net/

Harry potter - http://www.taybacuniversity.edu.vn/elib/Van%20hoc/Harry%20Potter%203%20%28J.K%20Rowling%29%20%28nguyen%20ban%20tieng%20Anh%29.pdf

MTG Saturday School - http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtgcom/daily/jc40

Starting date:

=============================

Geography - January 05, 2011

ℒℴνℯ

Trying to find the sense of peace back to myself.

Yesterday was quite a long day for me I suppose as I had been out since 9 in the morning and would not be home until 3 in the morning on the next day.

My mind have been a mess since then and haven't been able to concentrate on my usual stuff.

What's more is that I would still need to go trough things I have not interests in for the rest of the day with this kind of emotions attached.

Wish me luck in find back those peaceful sense.

No, I am going to seek it back with efforts instead of luck.

ℒℴνℯ

Keep having the thought to whether or not to go and get the sling bag at Uniqlo I eyed on during new year eve. I need to be more decisive on this kind of issue. Be more subjective, this isn't that difficult of a problem as it might seems. Since I really want the bag why should I cared to worry so much? Once decided, go ahead and do it without second thought. Tomorrow, as planned.

ℒℴνℯ

Calming, and quite a tiring day. Keeping a good work on my studying for not being too slacked the whole day. Grateful that I need to work on this Friday to make up the loss for having two off days next week. Though I wasn't very pleased on how I had reacted when I heard the news. But well, I can't be that consistent the whole day. I will try to meet the expectation nonetheless.


ℒℴνℯ

Looking after myself

January 04, 2011
Sunny, Still itchy




To put things straight, I'm starting to hate my life more and more lately. Things have to change. There is no way I'm gonna be happy if the situation doesn't improve. I can never be living with what I have now. I must pursue for the things I want for my life. I know I can shape my life the way I want if I was given the chance. Some belief deep in my heart has been giving me the hints of that I'm capable. I'm very sure I shouldn't rush things nor hope for my life will change overnight but the current situation I'm in often pulls me back to the depressing side. I have to keep myself going. In order to achieve a consistency in my activities I have to occasionally make exceptions. I can't always be sleeping early nor not eating when I'm hungry nor keeping myself under control. I have to make exceptions and I know very well that those exceptions are gonna harm me as long as I keep them in a healthy level of frequency. I must understand the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly. I cannot simply be mad and blame myself for breaking the rules I set for myself.

Flexibility plays a crucial part for healthy life.
ℒℴνℯ

I shall not fall. For who I am.

January 03, 2011
Rainy, down but rigid


Today, I have been bothered by the same old feeling again. The feeling I have never liked. I have trying to fight it but to no avail. I know it's a tough enemy, but through experience I know being calm is the best weapon for it as panic will only let it swallow me like how wild fire swallows forests.
And I know no matter how I try to fight it, I can never get rid of it permanently. I know best. I must learn to live and get around it. With the help of my beliefs and the desire to find friends to support me. Currently only the beliefs are the weapons I can muster as I still haven't known any one who can help me with this fight yet. I know with the beliefs I will remain in this fight. I can. I know I can. Yes, I am able to fight it with my beliefs. My beliefs are not to be doubted or forgotten by me. They are the most important things in my life. Nothing's gonna top them. That is it, I don't doubt my beliefs, because for why I have them I can overcome obstacles in my journey for the goals in my life. I cannot fall. For that I have strong beliefs. Past encounters of the unpleasant stuff aren't gonna get me again. Because of beliefs. Never forget them. I will not forget them.

I do not forget them.
ℒℴνℯ

Away from the noise

January 02, 2011
Rainy, Weary



I know I still can't quite speak English fluently but that is only a matter of time if I continue to bombard myself with this much of English reading everyday. I should not worry about it. I will not worry about it. I know I can. I just need to continue filling myself with English everyday as time allows.

Girls are deadly weapons to me and I know the reason why. Because they are sex appealing to me. If I want to get around them, I know I have two choices. One is to avoid them as often as I can and the other one is to not think about sex related topic when I'm with them. I think both of the options are valid enough to me to mix and match them when needed. I think it should not be a problem to me when I am calm. Just need to keep bottom half in check.

I know I can be affected by other people's life easily. I must stop that from happening too often and eventually stop it from ever happening. My life is the most important to me, nothing tops that and I cannot let it be affected by others'. I know best what my life's direction is and I cannot simply let it follow other people's life direction. I must be the captain of my life voyage. I must learn to protect it at all cost and not let it get injured. For I must shape my life the way I want in order to shape those of my love ones. Yes, I will remember it.

If I cannot write to you very day that doesn't mean I'm losing myself, it is just because I don't have anything worthy enough to share. I will save the material till the time when I feel I can write comfortably.

ℒℴνℯ

Unbreakble One

January 01, 2011
Rainy, Itchy



I was able to keep myself under control even though some unexpected event happened during the outing with friends.

There are rashes all over my body and limbs. I had been eating prawns for my lunch yesterday, I guess that might had been the cause. Although most of the rashes are gone by now but some of them are still visible on both of my thighs. They are itching me. But I'm not quite worrying about them. I guess I might have learned a bit of the importance of being calm to different situations. Good thing.

I'm happy I remained calm throughout the whole evening, I really am.

I knew I could do that, and will do that for the many times to come.

Learned a lesson today, if I wasn't concerned about something, I should not even bother checking it out in the first place.

ℒℴνℯ