My fear

Are you scared of something? Is there even a person who is fearless? When a person isn't behaving the normal way, fear has got to be in charge in someway. I realized this because I've seen people like that. I'm also one of them.

I think it is actually fine to be afraid of something, if you know how to deal with it. But a lot of the time people just transform the fear into something else--hatred, jealousy and hopelessness etc. All these negative emotions are only going to make things worse, hence those regrettable news on the TV. I've always avoided to watch these news, because I know too well most of the motives were just stupid stuff that were simply developed from fear.

I guess we should all be afraid once in a while, because it isn't actually healthy if a person has no fear. That just mean the person is insensitive. Sometimes feeling scared of something is important, it makes you more aware of emergency situation. I also think that's one of the reasons people can't live without fearing something.

For me, I don't really want to be the person who has no fear. I'm more interested to be a person who understands fear and its basic structure. I feel it will have more benefits living with moderate fear than simply eliminate it and have it strike you out of sudden.

Food


Enjoyments are very easy to come by these day. They come in all sorts of forms: Cigarette, alcohol, computer games, food, sex and last but not least drugs. Most of them especially food are cheap and easy to acquire; You can get most of them in a shopping mall. I think this is going to be a serious health issue.

Usually, when we open our eyes in the morning, we brush our teeth, get changed and are ready for breakfast. We go to the food stalls, look at all the options and decide to have the one we are most craved for. That decision were done so quickly just because we can. WE DON'T THINK. This is causing many health issues on people having breakfast that are bad for health--high sugar, high in oil, high in salt.--that I think even the stall owner would not notice( Why would they?). People are getting obese because of this convenience. 

I have a few friends who do this. When I told them about the potential health issue they will have eating all this convenient food, their reactions are either ignoring me and keep eating or simply made up reasons so they can shut me up and keep eating. It is not like they are not feeling the disadvantage of their eating habit; some of them are having diarrhea regularly, become fatigue easily and having trouble gaining weight.

Only recently, have I been eating real food. I'm not gonna lie but I'm feeling the benefits already even only after three months since I consciously controlled my diet. I feel more energetic through out the day, more emotionally stable and last but not least having more confident in myself.

Is there anything we can do if we are stuck with the diet that we got used to for so long? I'm sure it is only out attitude that is stopping us. If we be more conscious about our choice of food every time we eat, we will think twice before shoving that piece of donut towards our mouth.

Do I have any tips? Yes, I have one, and I think that is all we really need--don't get hungry. What I mean is, eat when you are hungry and don't eat when you are not. How do you know if you are really hungry and not simply craving for sugar? I have a simple test: when the next time you are hungry, imagine there is an apple in front of you, do you want to eat the apple to fill your stomach? If your answer is no, that means you are just craving for food. (If you answered yes, easy,just eat apple.)


It is only normal for people to eat what they want, after all it is their body and they are the one responsible for it. I only hope they will be more honest and conscious with their choices, not trying to come out with lame excuses the next time they are entering fast food chains. 

"I wasn't aware that you were not educated."

That was the response I got from a friend of mine when I told him that I did not receive any formal education. I guess he was shocked. I met him sometime in 2004, back when we were still playing Magic: the Gathering Trading Card Game. He is 6-7 years older than me, but somehow he wouldn't mind be friend with me. Despite the significant difference in our age, we kinda like each other's way of doing and handling stuff and have been respecting each other. We play Magic together for a couple of years until we decided to move on and stop the hobby. Even since we stop meeting up, and soon he found a job and had to leave for other country because of it.

It was only last year when we meet again, at a gathering organized by another friend of mine who was also part of our Magic playgroup back then. We met for dinner at a Italian restaurant and after that a German bar for alcohol. and it felt like it was only yesterday, our appearance may have changed, but our frequency hadn't a bit. It's been 10 years and we still understand what each other is trying to say. That was a memorable night. It made me feel the wonder of friendship.


(To be continue)

I have a habit of checking out my weight after every 2 weeks or so after a work out. When every time I notice I'm moving closer to my ideal weight, which is 70kg, I feel very motivated and happy that my hard work had been paying off. Yesterday, when I found out that my weight had not been moving much, I felt kinda disappointed. I started thinking if I had been eating a bit too much, it didn't take a genius to figure out I had been. I began to order half spring chicken and oily stuff when eating out. I kept trying to keep myself from taking carbs but at the same time I should also keep an eyes on the amount of oil in a dish. It is actually fortunate for me to figure this out early so I can pay more attention on my diet.

ART

I suppose art isn't a subject that I can be proud of at the moment, but I want to learn the way of appreciating it. I thought that usually means understanding it. So I grabbed a pen and sat down in front of my computer desk and free some space up for my sketch book and my arms. On the first day, I drew some random shapes and lines. I did the same thing on the second day. The day after, I sat down and stared at my skecth book and didn't know what to draw. 15 mins later, I was still staring on the blank piece of paper on my sketch book. I wasn't motivated enough to draw consistently. That is one of the difficulties I had found when I draw. The reason for it is still a mystery to me; it is still a question that I'm still seeking an answer for. Perhaps there were too many things on my mind that made me lose my focus, I just couldn't draw consistently. I hope it isn't going to last forever; I still have faith in myself that I can draw one day.

If one morning, when I wake up and see a brand new world, I know it must have been art who have done it.
Because art is the closest thing anything could be to the human heart. I hope to express myself through art someday, I also hope this expression can be part of the ingredients to change the world.