Trying to find the sense of peace back to myself.

Yesterday was quite a long day for me I suppose as I had been out since 9 in the morning and would not be home until 3 in the morning on the next day.

My mind have been a mess since then and haven't been able to concentrate on my usual stuff.

What's more is that I would still need to go trough things I have not interests in for the rest of the day with this kind of emotions attached.

Wish me luck in find back those peaceful sense.

No, I am going to seek it back with efforts instead of luck.

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Keep having the thought to whether or not to go and get the sling bag at Uniqlo I eyed on during new year eve. I need to be more decisive on this kind of issue. Be more subjective, this isn't that difficult of a problem as it might seems. Since I really want the bag why should I cared to worry so much? Once decided, go ahead and do it without second thought. Tomorrow, as planned.

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Calming, and quite a tiring day. Keeping a good work on my studying for not being too slacked the whole day. Grateful that I need to work on this Friday to make up the loss for having two off days next week. Though I wasn't very pleased on how I had reacted when I heard the news. But well, I can't be that consistent the whole day. I will try to meet the expectation nonetheless.


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Looking after myself

January 04, 2011
Sunny, Still itchy




To put things straight, I'm starting to hate my life more and more lately. Things have to change. There is no way I'm gonna be happy if the situation doesn't improve. I can never be living with what I have now. I must pursue for the things I want for my life. I know I can shape my life the way I want if I was given the chance. Some belief deep in my heart has been giving me the hints of that I'm capable. I'm very sure I shouldn't rush things nor hope for my life will change overnight but the current situation I'm in often pulls me back to the depressing side. I have to keep myself going. In order to achieve a consistency in my activities I have to occasionally make exceptions. I can't always be sleeping early nor not eating when I'm hungry nor keeping myself under control. I have to make exceptions and I know very well that those exceptions are gonna harm me as long as I keep them in a healthy level of frequency. I must understand the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly. I cannot simply be mad and blame myself for breaking the rules I set for myself.

Flexibility plays a crucial part for healthy life.
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I shall not fall. For who I am.

January 03, 2011
Rainy, down but rigid


Today, I have been bothered by the same old feeling again. The feeling I have never liked. I have trying to fight it but to no avail. I know it's a tough enemy, but through experience I know being calm is the best weapon for it as panic will only let it swallow me like how wild fire swallows forests.
And I know no matter how I try to fight it, I can never get rid of it permanently. I know best. I must learn to live and get around it. With the help of my beliefs and the desire to find friends to support me. Currently only the beliefs are the weapons I can muster as I still haven't known any one who can help me with this fight yet. I know with the beliefs I will remain in this fight. I can. I know I can. Yes, I am able to fight it with my beliefs. My beliefs are not to be doubted or forgotten by me. They are the most important things in my life. Nothing's gonna top them. That is it, I don't doubt my beliefs, because for why I have them I can overcome obstacles in my journey for the goals in my life. I cannot fall. For that I have strong beliefs. Past encounters of the unpleasant stuff aren't gonna get me again. Because of beliefs. Never forget them. I will not forget them.

I do not forget them.
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Away from the noise

January 02, 2011
Rainy, Weary



I know I still can't quite speak English fluently but that is only a matter of time if I continue to bombard myself with this much of English reading everyday. I should not worry about it. I will not worry about it. I know I can. I just need to continue filling myself with English everyday as time allows.

Girls are deadly weapons to me and I know the reason why. Because they are sex appealing to me. If I want to get around them, I know I have two choices. One is to avoid them as often as I can and the other one is to not think about sex related topic when I'm with them. I think both of the options are valid enough to me to mix and match them when needed. I think it should not be a problem to me when I am calm. Just need to keep bottom half in check.

I know I can be affected by other people's life easily. I must stop that from happening too often and eventually stop it from ever happening. My life is the most important to me, nothing tops that and I cannot let it be affected by others'. I know best what my life's direction is and I cannot simply let it follow other people's life direction. I must be the captain of my life voyage. I must learn to protect it at all cost and not let it get injured. For I must shape my life the way I want in order to shape those of my love ones. Yes, I will remember it.

If I cannot write to you very day that doesn't mean I'm losing myself, it is just because I don't have anything worthy enough to share. I will save the material till the time when I feel I can write comfortably.

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Unbreakble One

January 01, 2011
Rainy, Itchy



I was able to keep myself under control even though some unexpected event happened during the outing with friends.

There are rashes all over my body and limbs. I had been eating prawns for my lunch yesterday, I guess that might had been the cause. Although most of the rashes are gone by now but some of them are still visible on both of my thighs. They are itching me. But I'm not quite worrying about them. I guess I might have learned a bit of the importance of being calm to different situations. Good thing.

I'm happy I remained calm throughout the whole evening, I really am.

I knew I could do that, and will do that for the many times to come.

Learned a lesson today, if I wasn't concerned about something, I should not even bother checking it out in the first place.

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