I have a habit of checking out my weight after every 2 weeks or so after a work out. When every time I notice I'm moving closer to my ideal weight, which is 70kg, I feel very motivated and happy that my hard work had been paying off. Yesterday, when I found out that my weight had not been moving much, I felt kinda disappointed. I started thinking if I had been eating a bit too much, it didn't take a genius to figure out I had been. I began to order half spring chicken and oily stuff when eating out. I kept trying to keep myself from taking carbs but at the same time I should also keep an eyes on the amount of oil in a dish. It is actually fortunate for me to figure this out early so I can pay more attention on my diet.

ART

I suppose art isn't a subject that I can be proud of at the moment, but I want to learn the way of appreciating it. I thought that usually means understanding it. So I grabbed a pen and sat down in front of my computer desk and free some space up for my sketch book and my arms. On the first day, I drew some random shapes and lines. I did the same thing on the second day. The day after, I sat down and stared at my skecth book and didn't know what to draw. 15 mins later, I was still staring on the blank piece of paper on my sketch book. I wasn't motivated enough to draw consistently. That is one of the difficulties I had found when I draw. The reason for it is still a mystery to me; it is still a question that I'm still seeking an answer for. Perhaps there were too many things on my mind that made me lose my focus, I just couldn't draw consistently. I hope it isn't going to last forever; I still have faith in myself that I can draw one day.

If one morning, when I wake up and see a brand new world, I know it must have been art who have done it.
Because art is the closest thing anything could be to the human heart. I hope to express myself through art someday, I also hope this expression can be part of the ingredients to change the world.

Punctuality 

There aren't many things that will help in making my day bad, unfortunately waiting for a friend who is late is one of them. I truly despise tardiness.

My toleration for waiting a tardy friend is actually quite high; I had waited for 1 hour or more previously. Honestly I wouldn't mind to wait, but not this frequent. I know it probably isn't true, but in the midst of me sillily waiting for you, the thought that you are being disrespectful to others people time just makes me wonder if you are a self-important person. Having the chance to know a person more this way is certainly not very efficient.

 I'm sick of having to wait for you every time we have a meeting, so I decided to return you the favor, too--by reversing our role. You be the one who waits and I be the tardy friend. But there is a flaw, I don't like to play this kind of game. I like to go meet my friends relaxed, thinking of having fun etc; not having to plan this bullshit waiting game. I'm not 100% convinced that this is hurting our relationship(at least to you)in anyway, except I've become more inclined to go out with you less.

I know you have your reasons(but they are lame) for being late every time, but the thing that is bothering me is, you always have a reason.

R.I.P Mr.Lee Kuan Yew


Tomorrow is Friday. This is no ordinary Friday, it is the third day Singaporean get to pay their respect to Mr. Lee Kuan Yew at Parliament House. Mr. Lee passed away on Monday morning. I don't know much about him, maybe because I'm a failed Singaporean or simply because I'm lazy. To summarize my understanding of him, it would be "without him, Singapore wouldn't be the Singapore we know today."

Besides me, there are of course "qualified" Singapore Citizen. Unlike me, they are way more enthusiastic than me in grieving over Mr.Lee's death. Parliaments House, which is holding Mr.Lee's body, it's queue said to have been taking more than 8 hours to reach the entrance. Actually, I thought of joining the crowd, but when I heard how absurdly long the queue was, as much as I want to pay my respect to Mr.Lee, it was really tough imaging myself standing in the queue for more than 8 hours just waiting to sign my name and bow to a person's remain that I had so little understand in. This is why I have some opinions on the people who was in the queue.

The queue was long, this is a good sign, that probably meant Singaporeans are uniting. That is good for Singapore's growth. The thing is puzzling me is, how many of those have more understanding in Mr.Lee than I do? I doubt the amount would go pass 1/4 of the people queuing. Mr.Lee is 91 years old. Most of his early contribution were done more than 20 years ago. That's right, older than many of the people in the queue.
Even for the older ones, most of the contributions done by Mr.Lee were even known among those people.

So, how the hell were they willing to stuck in the queue for almost half a day? I don't have evident to support me, the following answer is just my assumption. Singaporeans are KIASU. That strange word means"afraid of losing out".

Can you imagine when you went to work on Monday and your colleague sitting beside you asked you if you were at the queue for the parliament house last week and your answer can only be no because you didn't make an effort to join the queue? Can you imagine all the people you knew on Facebook were posting their condolences, picture of themselves near Parliament house and them being part of the queue and you looked at your album all you found were the Banana Splits that you had that afternoon? No?

Congratulation, you are a qualified Singaporean.


(By no mean I'm disrespecting Singaporean or Mr.Lee's death, I just thought people should pay more attention be more aware of their intention when doing certain things.)

Emotional person, depressing people

I'm always attempting to treat each day equally, but sometimes initiative isn't on me. When that happens, depressing businesses tend to follow. This morning, the main water tap in my house is further damaged due to my father's failed attempt at fixing it the previous night. To say the least he wasn't in a very good mood since he was blamed for the failure. Anyway, he managed to have it patched before noon, and he started bragging about his success. Normally when a person does this, it is fine as long as the person knows when to stop. But my father had established many false accusation on my sisters and mother for exploiting the equipment in the house, with a yelling voice. Needless to say that let everyone in the house felt annoyed and that sets the stage for the afternoon issue.

Just when I was checking out my computer in my room, my father who went out awhile ago came back and asked me to attend to him in the living room. I know something was wrong. He started mentioning (in a shouting manner) my sisters and mother, saying that they should pay him more respect. He was very agitated and I knew argument had been made when he was outside, probably with my little sister. (hint: she doesn't like him. I also knew it must have been some sort of miscommunication errors that lead to this but I had decided last year that I would stop worrying and let them be). I interrupted him, telling him I don't wanna care anymore, and went for the door. Leaving him alone, he was even smashing things when I was outside the door.

This is just his personality, the way he handles his emotion and other's. He is old and probably don't want to admit his incapability, because it is already too late for any changes to happen anymore.

Shaping up

I've just managed to pick up my exercise habit again since I want to stay in good shape once more. I had been growing horizontally due to stress by eating whenever I like, whatever I like. It has been roughly three months from the time I made this decision and overall it have seemed to work so far. I think exercise not only helps my body to stay in good shape but it also will make me look more presentable( to my perspective, at least) thus making me more confidant interacting with others.

Challenging as staying in good shape may seems, it's really all about controlling diet and hitting gym to myself. I need to cut down on carbohydrates, but that's okay for me since I'm more a meat person than a rice person so I can just satisfy my stomach with lots of meat and it will forget what rice and noodle taste like sooner than expected. As for hitting the gym, that's also fine for me since I have more free time after quitting my job(family matters).

Yes, telling my self to take a break from computer is also an excellent motivation to keep myself away from the desk since I rely on computer so much now.

Nyan Nyan Nyan

I always want to have a pet, seeing life wouldn't be complete without one. I think there are good for a person's mental health as they act as listener (who are especially bad at talking back.) if you need one. The potential effects of their lubrication on people's relationship also can't be neglected.

The reason that is stopping me is I live with my family so I have to concern about their opinions, too. My sister has an allergic nose, it will get itched even with the slightest disturbance. If argument breaks out because of that, then the whole pet-lubricates-relationship thing would be pointless.

Besides living space, there is also financial and time issues. I think I can definitely afford the food, but having a pet doesn't mean feeding it but also taking care of their health, too. I've heard their medication are costly and at this point of time it is really out of the question for me. Time would also be an issue for me(not at the moment, though) thus I must consider thoroughly adding an extra member to my family.

 By the way, If I was allowed one I will without a doubt choose cat as my pet. (Don't you think their indifferent, uninterested and selfish behavior are so attrative?)