I went to bed 230AM today. The time needed to put me out of my conscious was probably half the speed of light, and that made revision of what I had learned yesterday impossible.

I woke up at 830AM and felt refreshed. While speedily cleaning myself, I tried to recall what were learnt yesterday:

Excessive emotions can only hinder my thinking circuit, they cause more harm than benefits.

Saving Private Ryan is a good movie. Tom Hanks, and the others were all very good at their roles. My understanding for WWII had grown for the most part, I know who Private Ryan is, and I also now aware that canteen means water bottle. Oh ya, and FUBAR.

I know the name for the 8 scale positions: Tonic, Supertonic, Mediant, Subdominant, Dominant, Submediant, and Leading Tone. With which the Tonic and Dominant have the most power in a scale.
53 means position root, 6 means position 1, and 64 means position 2. My drawing speed for Circle of Fifths has been increased.

I re-organized all my MTG cards with Excel, basically retyped a new card list. Filled in a few card prices.

That's basically it. I don't intend to use it as a excuse, but I want to start slow and keep going at a steady pace.

I started today with a MTGO draft, wanting to lose and uninstall. I didn't, I ended up winning 2 matches and got my entry fee back. Apparently trying to lose to win was quite a strategy to have. The whole afternoon was spent almost entirely under the sun, feeding mosquitoes, under more sun (I lied, that was actually only 1 sun at all time), feeding more mosquitoes. After we make sure enough mosquitoes were fed, Jerii and I went to town, ate dinner, and went home.

I was opening up my mind to let thoughts flow into it, what I learnt today were:

I want a thin frame circular lens spectacles.

I want only 1 pair.

Paying extra $100 for PC lens probably won't justify them.

I can get my clothes at Carousell.

And once again, in order to meet the person I want to meet, the places I want to go, and the things I want to talk about, I have to become a person who deserve them. That will be my goal from now on.

Endlessly ask yourself, " Are you really happy, or just really comfortable?"

"What kind of person do I want to be?" That is the question I'm always asking myself. Trust me, the struggle to finding the answer hasn't been straightforward.

Slow down, think, would the thing I do mindlessly direct me to my destination as planned? If it obviously won't, should I stop doing?
Slow down, Tom, take a step back and carefully think about it.

Unsurprisingly, I go to work everyday like most of the people at my age; I go home after 9 dreadful/joyful hours. I'm no different than the rest. This isn't right, if everyone is like that, why are there great people on the news paper? Why aren't they us? That must be something I overlooked. Luckily, I found a explanation for it. Everyone go to work in the morning and go home in the evening, estimating 10hours gone in a typical day. Eat, rest, sleep are the standard routine everyone follows before they start another robotic day.

That is what "everyone" thinks. I don't really want to be different just for the sake of being one, it is just coincident that the person I happen to want to be are.

Lying is bad, especially when you're doing it to yourself, so making resolution hasn't been my thing, so far. What I'm going to boldly say now are going to be the list of trainings I'm preparing for myself, in order to be "different.

Obviously, the thing that is hindering my progress, or so I'm thinking, is my lack of self control for my desires. Desires, other than those that are educational, made me spent time on wastefully. I would find out only after some time had been spent, but nonetheless I did manage to. After which I just had to pay more attention the next time those desires arose...

...and that is basically it, I just have to put myself in boredom to be the person I hope to be.

(Unfortunately, that's not it. I'm just getting tired and have to end the article abruptly. There will be more tomorrow, hopefully. )

Return to Magic

I found it amusing going to the casino last Thursday. I had planned to spent $50, but I ended up spending $100. Truly, I thought I could win back the $50 I had lost. I didn't yield. Even though I ended up spending more than I expected to, that was $100 I could afford to lose. I got to admit I learnt much from this venture into the casino.

I felt terrible last Friday after I woke up. Spent the first 2 hours in morning on a movie. After that, I cooked, and I sat down prepare to read. I didn't manage to find any mood for reading. I kept staring at the same sentence over and over again. So I attempt to draw, nope, didn't work either. So, I laid out my thoughts on the table. I was attempting to filter them and see what was stopping me. It turned out to be Magic. I wanted to play Magic. I contemplated and I selected Magic online over paper Magic. The reason was because I wasn't too sure if I was just lonely or truly yearn to play Magic.

I installed the Magic online client and spent $15 on a draft set. I chose Origin draft, which I'm more familiar with, and determined to lose the $15. I lost in the final and got away with another free draft set, then, Melvin called.

He was wondering if I had free time in the afternoon, I gave him a positive reply and we decide to meet a cafe at Ginza. I was late for a bit, by the time I arrived it was already 15mins late. He brought with him a normal size plastic bag. I looked inside and saw 3 deck boxes and a 500cards carton box. Since I was eager to get my hands on real magic cards, I immediately went for the bag and start browsing through them. I found some gems in the form of foils, and foreign cards. When he returned from the food counter which he went for food ordering, he urged me to prioritize the 500cards box first. He said it had the most valuable cards. I obeyed and looked into it. There were many valuable cards, among which had foreign white border Volcanic Island, Savanna, and Brushland. Judging by the conditions, the cards can be easily sold for $200 a piece. I evaluated all of the boxes content and informed Melvin they are worth approximately $10k. Except they weren't. They were actually closer to $7k. Then I told him I need to get at least an album for exhibiting the cards so they can be made known to the players he, almost immediately, suggested that we should go to his warehouse and get the rest of his Magic collection which includes card album. I obliged and of we went to the warehouse.

It was in Bukit Batok, I arrived with a anxious heart. I didn't anticipate much could be left but I was quite wrong. There were 7 carton boxes in the warehouse, 5 of which were what we were interested in. Melvin only inclined to transport just 3 of them but I voted for all since I wanted to check out everything. He surrendered and 5 boxes were transported to his car.

Everything were unloaded to my house safely and now it is up to me what means do I have to use to turn them into cash. I'm confident I'm capable to maximize their potential. I'm confident. 

MTG

The absence of my father yesterday night indicated his ashamed. Well, I anticipated that. I was quite sure had he stayed at home when I arrived home yesterday night I would lose my composure. I've been spending money sparingly, I only spent when necessary. To the rest of the family's members, this notion is non-existence. I've contemplated much, the only path that can help us overcome poverty can only be saving. Only when we have a solid financial foundation then we can start to build on it. Deprived of that, we would constantly be at the bottom and can never see the ray of hope. 

The allegedly "rich people", most of them start here.

I was contemplating yesterday after whether to question my father on his exclusion for this month rent. He was too ashamed to tell me face to face. He thinks he is a very delicate thinker, he thinks he always has everything covered. But it has always been us, his family, to wipe his ass when things went wrong. He metaphorically cowered in fear until all the ass-wiping were completed. After which, he would go dormant for awhile, acting like things never happened. Then he would start all over again. This dreaded cycle went on and on until I arrived at my adult age. His despicable deceptions waned a bit when he aged. When he could no longer talk big, when I had become stronger than him physically. 

He has always been a coward. I have never admired him in anything until now. The family would have went better had he not around. Whenever he had some money, I didn't rejoice at all. I know him having money meant he would spend on gambling, on food and on many unnecessary things. He would squander and would soon left with nothing. I wouldn't have any problem if himself was all he had. But he had a family, he had us. 

It was 915am and there were merely 4 persons in the office. I reckoned something must have went wrong. Thus I hit the internet and did my searching. As I anticipated, the subway broke down and caused a major delay. It made a multitude of commuters stuck in the stations that were affected. The subway's primary goal was to resume the train service and get everyone to where they were supposed to go asap. That was precisely what they failed to do. People ranted about it on their twitter. I think they ranted solely because others were doing it also. By ranting, most of the message were not reached, ranting simply didn't convey enough. They merely resembled themselves child like adult. 

I've been thinking much into starting MTG business once more. My intention is to have extra income and after pondering much MTG is a relatively easy way for me. I can only work for one company at a time, I also don't want to displease the authority breaking the rule. I'm left with one option, that is making myself the boss. I don't want to go into details today. So I will stop here today. 

Longing for benevolence

Yesterday, I didn't write the 500 words solely because I didn't want to write for the sake to write. Probably also because I was being lazy. In the end I succumbed to my sloth. I still yearn to write better, to speak clearer. I've become accustomed to my lack of writing skill; I'm always fearful to learn to write better. My resolution is set, I yearn to write better.

I arrived at my office 1 hour earlier than my work time. No one was in the office of course, I was alone. Like I've always been. I turned on the air-conditioner, lowered the temperature to 22c, was kinda a hoping the changes in temperature would modify my mood. It so far hasn't seen to be effective yet. It is 9am and my work has started. A goal of 3 hours of reading stands before me, I hope I can yield.

Nancy came after me, followed by June, Dorothea and Susan. All of which are quite talkative, I am contented to just listening to their topics as I wasn't in a mood to chat. I prefer some noise in my office environment but most of the people don't seem to agree with me. The silence in the office have always made me feel sleepy.

It's almost 10am, everyone have arrived. Most of us are waiting for lunch time, from when we can take a short break. I feel so sleepy right now, but I want to continue reading.

Susan and May were having conversation in the office, sometimes loud and sometimes soft. Their words were hard to distinguish, not that I put any effort in it. I just felt delighted to have some form of noises in the office.That at least could keep me awake till afternoon comes. By the way, June couldn't join them because there were speaking in Mandarin.

I just got a message from my mother, saying my father is agonizing over this month rent. It is happening again. No matter how hard I try, it was futile. My disgust towards my father hasn't diminish a bit. I don't yearn for a distinguished father, but all he does is whine. He wishfully thinks that he has done will be atoned passively. He is ashamed, only once in a while. He is always giving promises he cannot fulfill. I disdain his character. He always have reasons, but to me his theories all indefensible. At the peak of his age, he was unrelenting. He didn't give a shit to his family. My mother had a very harsh time bring my and my sisters up. At this point of his life, he still hasn't got any idea the preoccupation issues we are having. He only adds to the already immense burden me and my sisters have. He doesn't reflect himself. His repentance was nowhere to be found.

He has been working for 3 months and his financial problem hasn't relieved a bit. He is always asking the kids for money. It is shameful.

Day 1, 500words

Om.

I’m going to start the habit to write everyday starting today. Each article has to be 500 words at least. At the same time, I’m also going to pick up the habit to read once again. I’ll be writing consciously,  by using all the English vocabularies I learnt. I always yearn for a good self expressing skill. I’m able to comprehend things quickly, but sometimes I find myself in vain when I try to explain them to the other.

( I realized it’s only 98 words by the end of this sentence, maybe I’m pushing too hard. )

Melvin is the head of the company, I’d even go as far as to say that without him it’ll cease to exist. He is a very knowledgeable guy and is also a very hardworking one. I’ve been with the company for 3 months when tomorrow comes, I’ve hardly seen any sloth from him. He’s married and he has his personal affair to worry but he’s always caring about the company. Fearful of his health, I sure hope he’ll slow it down a bit. But people are insatiable, some in the company don’t know it’s constraint, they keep asking it for more. So what if they have a lot of money? They’ll just squander them away in no time. It’s an immense amount of time an effort to keep a company running, and they are squeezing every bit of them left out of it. Just the thought of it is repulsive.  Their attitude change when the company forsakes them, when the time comes it’s all too late.

( Almost, hang in there, Tom.)

Recently, my childhood friend just quit his daytime job to start his own business, inviting all the capable people to help. I’m to be his anchored host for his show. (Yes, he is starting a TV programme. ) Naturally, he’s the producer of the show, his wife, back up anchored host. (Also yes, I’d like to think myself as the main anchored host thank you very much.) Even though I’ve never been one, but I’m not fearful, my dormant eccentric self’s always open to take on anything. Mainly things that aren’t going to shorten my lifespan. (Well, technically everything  we do shorten our lifespan, but you get the idea.) Also I’m a potato couch, oh no, I should say had been a potato couch. Before my PC there was only a TV set that connected me to the outside world. Yes, not even a telephone. It was that time, consisted entirely of my childhood, that made me watched an immense amount of TV shows. I learnt what reactions would occur when the hosts said something. I know what was welcome to say and the forbidden words. I know the important thing, the trifle matters. Imperceptibly, I thought I knew everything about a TV show.

Yes, some people are gifted, congratulations. But like the rest of our kind, that, I believe that was the only way to shine. Om. Om. 

Building blocks

I think I should evaluate the things that I think are important in my life. Because life is really short, it doesn't leave you much time after most of it are used on things that don't make you. I have a vision of myself, albeit not a very clear one at the moment, what I wanna be. To achieve that final product, I need to lay everything that occupy my time at this point of life on a table and filter out those that are essentially not a potential building blocks for it. After that, let my life go on without them. No question asked, no guilt and be focus on everything I will be doing.