Longing for benevolence

Yesterday, I didn't write the 500 words solely because I didn't want to write for the sake to write. Probably also because I was being lazy. In the end I succumbed to my sloth. I still yearn to write better, to speak clearer. I've become accustomed to my lack of writing skill; I'm always fearful to learn to write better. My resolution is set, I yearn to write better.

I arrived at my office 1 hour earlier than my work time. No one was in the office of course, I was alone. Like I've always been. I turned on the air-conditioner, lowered the temperature to 22c, was kinda a hoping the changes in temperature would modify my mood. It so far hasn't seen to be effective yet. It is 9am and my work has started. A goal of 3 hours of reading stands before me, I hope I can yield.

Nancy came after me, followed by June, Dorothea and Susan. All of which are quite talkative, I am contented to just listening to their topics as I wasn't in a mood to chat. I prefer some noise in my office environment but most of the people don't seem to agree with me. The silence in the office have always made me feel sleepy.

It's almost 10am, everyone have arrived. Most of us are waiting for lunch time, from when we can take a short break. I feel so sleepy right now, but I want to continue reading.

Susan and May were having conversation in the office, sometimes loud and sometimes soft. Their words were hard to distinguish, not that I put any effort in it. I just felt delighted to have some form of noises in the office.That at least could keep me awake till afternoon comes. By the way, June couldn't join them because there were speaking in Mandarin.

I just got a message from my mother, saying my father is agonizing over this month rent. It is happening again. No matter how hard I try, it was futile. My disgust towards my father hasn't diminish a bit. I don't yearn for a distinguished father, but all he does is whine. He wishfully thinks that he has done will be atoned passively. He is ashamed, only once in a while. He is always giving promises he cannot fulfill. I disdain his character. He always have reasons, but to me his theories all indefensible. At the peak of his age, he was unrelenting. He didn't give a shit to his family. My mother had a very harsh time bring my and my sisters up. At this point of his life, he still hasn't got any idea the preoccupation issues we are having. He only adds to the already immense burden me and my sisters have. He doesn't reflect himself. His repentance was nowhere to be found.

He has been working for 3 months and his financial problem hasn't relieved a bit. He is always asking the kids for money. It is shameful.