Emotional person, depressing people

I'm always attempting to treat each day equally, but sometimes initiative isn't on me. When that happens, depressing businesses tend to follow. This morning, the main water tap in my house is further damaged due to my father's failed attempt at fixing it the previous night. To say the least he wasn't in a very good mood since he was blamed for the failure. Anyway, he managed to have it patched before noon, and he started bragging about his success. Normally when a person does this, it is fine as long as the person knows when to stop. But my father had established many false accusation on my sisters and mother for exploiting the equipment in the house, with a yelling voice. Needless to say that let everyone in the house felt annoyed and that sets the stage for the afternoon issue.

Just when I was checking out my computer in my room, my father who went out awhile ago came back and asked me to attend to him in the living room. I know something was wrong. He started mentioning (in a shouting manner) my sisters and mother, saying that they should pay him more respect. He was very agitated and I knew argument had been made when he was outside, probably with my little sister. (hint: she doesn't like him. I also knew it must have been some sort of miscommunication errors that lead to this but I had decided last year that I would stop worrying and let them be). I interrupted him, telling him I don't wanna care anymore, and went for the door. Leaving him alone, he was even smashing things when I was outside the door.

This is just his personality, the way he handles his emotion and other's. He is old and probably don't want to admit his incapability, because it is already too late for any changes to happen anymore.

Shaping up

I've just managed to pick up my exercise habit again since I want to stay in good shape once more. I had been growing horizontally due to stress by eating whenever I like, whatever I like. It has been roughly three months from the time I made this decision and overall it have seemed to work so far. I think exercise not only helps my body to stay in good shape but it also will make me look more presentable( to my perspective, at least) thus making me more confidant interacting with others.

Challenging as staying in good shape may seems, it's really all about controlling diet and hitting gym to myself. I need to cut down on carbohydrates, but that's okay for me since I'm more a meat person than a rice person so I can just satisfy my stomach with lots of meat and it will forget what rice and noodle taste like sooner than expected. As for hitting the gym, that's also fine for me since I have more free time after quitting my job(family matters).

Yes, telling my self to take a break from computer is also an excellent motivation to keep myself away from the desk since I rely on computer so much now.

Nyan Nyan Nyan

I always want to have a pet, seeing life wouldn't be complete without one. I think there are good for a person's mental health as they act as listener (who are especially bad at talking back.) if you need one. The potential effects of their lubrication on people's relationship also can't be neglected.

The reason that is stopping me is I live with my family so I have to concern about their opinions, too. My sister has an allergic nose, it will get itched even with the slightest disturbance. If argument breaks out because of that, then the whole pet-lubricates-relationship thing would be pointless.

Besides living space, there is also financial and time issues. I think I can definitely afford the food, but having a pet doesn't mean feeding it but also taking care of their health, too. I've heard their medication are costly and at this point of time it is really out of the question for me. Time would also be an issue for me(not at the moment, though) thus I must consider thoroughly adding an extra member to my family.

 By the way, If I was allowed one I will without a doubt choose cat as my pet. (Don't you think their indifferent, uninterested and selfish behavior are so attrative?)  

Grace

A post to show my gratitude to those person around me 

Smartphones weren't this common the very last time I wrote, I weren't this fat and the world was probably more forgiving. Unquestionably, things have changed. I have changed, as well as many a person around me have. My limited comprehension of people's emotion lead me to want to start writing again. I favor showing one's gratitude towards another being as soon as you have the chance, otherwise once the chance is missed
the disappointment of the irrecoverable chance might follow one's life for a long long time.

I digress, the whole point of this resurrection of this blog was to help me on my writing skills and also help me to recognize the importance of reading. I think if I can enhance my writing skills my interest and passion for it will have positive effect too. There are also countless of books I wish I could start reading but I always prioritize other hobby over reading.

I expect consistency in my updates for this blog, something that I have been struggling with.

I'm going to start with a friend, who is a Hunter, an Assault and a Headliner.
I'm pleased to have him as friend. He is notably important when sometimes I feel disoriented, although he gives guidance unknowingly but always cherish this type of advice. He is also resourceful when it comes to directions, to me he is like a walking atlas!

When I'm showing my weakness, his recognition would be my belief and his respectful nature to friend would be my enlightenment.

Thank you, my friend. 

好讽刺, 有好多话想说却又不想说. 这些年我到底成长了没有。觉得人家长不大，还是其实是自己才是没在长大的那个人。我已经搞不清楚了。

决定六月前再一次确认情况。我需要很大的勇气，该上哪找呢？

有些人喜欢勉强做一些事，明明能力范围内做不来，却表现得无所谓，到最后把别人一起拖下水。我一点都不佩服这种人。希望自己能做多做一些事，但其实都是别人在受苦。

我常常做那个别人。

我有一个缺点，也是个优点，就是我容易忘记小事。每次受到委屈，当下我有很多想法，过了一下子我就会忘记了。往往同一个错误一段日子我就会重犯。

最近我买了一些玩具。

我有一些目标必须用那些玩具来完成。

后来发现玩具有一个以前用过的功能，就开始用它。

然后就忘了本来的目标。

有点后悔，要是当初想清楚一点，就不会走偏了道路。

逼

明天需要早起出门，六点之后才会到家。 可是我现在还不想睡。
想很多。思绪很乱，我没办法整理，我不知道该如何是好。
我很怕，怕到不敢睡，怕到发抖。
我提不起劲，没心情做任何事。虽然我表现的不以为然。
我不敢对任何人诚实，我怕会被背叛，我只能不以为然。但我又不知道如何是好。
对朋友，家里人，陌生人，任何人，都不敢，我怕。
不管是谁对我来说都一样，我只能表现得不以为然，我真的不敢，我真的很怕。
我不知道该相信谁，也不知道谁能帮我。
真的只能这样下去吗？
一想到这里，我就浑身发抖。。。