AMEN

In my life, there haven't been any successes.
I have never participated in any school exams, needless to say nor I have any certificates.
I hadn't been worried, not until the summer of 2008.
I quit my first ever job back then, thus I was given a lot of time before my next job.
It had turned up to be a whole damn year.
During the early period of my jobless time, I spent most of my time to get myself entertained by all sort of things, going out with friends, surfing the internet from morning till night, playing computer games, and thinking what fancy food I should eat everyday are among them.
That was a normal day in early spring of 2008.
Sometimes, I realized I hadn't got enough money to pay for the entertainments I found, and when I found the situation was getting worst, I knew something wasn't right.
During the early winter of that year, I stayed at home everyday, for I only had $5 to spend everyday.
There were many things I want to own, but I couldn't as I had got little money, and having no income meant even if I had waited the situation won't get better.
That was when the disaster struck.
I started losing confidence in myself, I would get pissed off very easily by trivia matters.
I spent the whole day fearing some unknown stuffs, I couldn't eat nor sleep well.
Sometimes I would tear under my bed sheet, sometimes I lie there for the whole day without cleaning myself.
I wasn't the usual self.
I did try to improve my situation, I tried to ask for help from my parents, but, what can they do?
I wasn't the only one having issues in my family, in fact, my whole family has been in a bad scenario ever since I can remember.
I know, everyone have their own problems, and they would ask for help, however, I wasn't given the option to do that, that wasn't fair.
Since I had got myself a new job, my condition got stable down a a but, but the scars, once there and they will never be gone.
The feeling of the unhappy time gets reminded occasionally, especially when I'm feeling down.

By writing this down, I wasn't hoping anyone would feel sorry for me, I just thought I would give myself chances to let other knows about what obstacles I'm currently facing.
At least I won't feel so lonely.


I'm being emotional now, and that emotional side of me has not brought me anything worth mentioning today, I hope tomorrow morning when I open my eyes I would calm down a bit.

Life has to move on regardless how my emotions flow.