The thinker

When it comes to studying, be it with Youtube videos tutorials or actual books, I can say it is using majority of my free time. Based on my 20+ years of observation of everyday things, there is no bottom for any subject being studied. For obvious reason, us human are basically using limited amount of our time to explore this infinite amount of universe, no matter what direction we take, there is no end. But we are very naive, to the extent that even if we knew the result at the end isn't really "the" result, we still keep going. To me, that is the most powerful and wonderful thing to any human being. We just have to keep going forward, keep exploring, getting as close to the goal as we can. Beautiful.

When people stopped learning, people died. They simply stopped functioning as a organism. They become robots. Robots don't learn by themselves; they don't choose what they want to learn. But they still do, with the help of an organism - human, one who is still consciously learning. The bots received what ever knowledge or instructions the human presented to them. They become what the others wanted them to become. Big surprise, most of the people I know are bots, some of them are cyborg(half bot, half human, they can go either way depending on their will), only a handful of them are still human.

Myself? I don't really want to be all arrogant and all, but I like to think I'm a human because I think, and also because I think why I think.

Rarest creature - God of Gambler

"I'm in a bad mood today, let's go and have some fun."

"By fun, do you mean let's go to casino?"

"Yeah."

And that conversation helped the casino by deducting $200 from my bank account. But the money weren't as well spent as my first casino donation. It was withing my expectation, that I would never get to have the same thrill I felt during my firs trip to the entertainment center. It's probably the 5th, or 6th times I entered the door of the casino, and I had been having less and less reason to do it. Eventually, they will be reduced to only 1, and it will be the worst 1--to make money. I wouldn't say that never happened to any one during the history of any casino, but their number you can probably count with both of your hands. 

"Carry a large sum of money, get into the casino, win a round, get out of there. "

This sentence will most likely be 1 of the more ridicule 1 among all the life jokes. (And most of the life jokes are pretty tough to beat.) I can't be too sure of myself when speaking of ever to enter the casino again, because I can get quite yes-man-ish when I'm among friends, I just hope that the next time when I'm going there, I'm doing it with a lot of reasons. I also need to learn to be sad when I lose money, or win money, whatever. 

Best invention are done by worst intentions.

Chill, I'm gonna take go out and take some photo tomorrow. I think late afternoon, somewhere between 4pm-6pm, is a good timing for the plan. I've gotta find a theme to go along with it, though, I'm trying to not just take photos, but make them. Because when I think of how Maurice see his photography, he always let his camera and lens take charge on how his photos turn out to look. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that if he hands his photography gears to another person, who at least knows how to press the shutter button, the shot that will be taken will more or less look the same. The photography online lessons I've been attending in the past 2 weeks have thought me that every good photos have a story to tell. The photographer is the author of the story, he must carefully write it, make sure its sentences flow smoothly, are passing a clear message. Yes, sometimes the camera and the lens will get everything right, which surprises even the photographer itself. But good photos are the ones followed closely the intentions of the photographers. The viewers reaction should be more or less be predicted by the person who shot it, or even before he did.

Puzzled Maze

I feel so uneasy with my father and decong around, that seem to spoil the balance of the peacefulness in my house. I feel restrained with them around, so strange. They are by no mean strangers to me, but I just can't bring myself to talk to them sincerely. I usually want to complete my daily tasks when I have free time , but with them around I have so much more to worry. I gotta change this situation, else it will hinder my training. Like now, I'm writing just to make myself follow my training schedule, it should continue no matter what is stopping it. After this, I'm planning to do one more thing. Maybe listen to some music and read for 20 mins, or play my FF13-2, yeah, probably that. I'm quite inclined to watch some Premier pro, inDesign, or Photography videos but I have watched a couple of them already this afternoon, so I'm probably not going to until tomorrow. I think I also have some tasks to complete, I can find them in my to do list. I better sort them out or else they gonna get piled up. That's cool, I get to sort my thoughts within 20 mins, I plan to spend a whole afternoon to concentrate on that task. Most likely gonna do it in Starbucks, ones with outdoor sit so I can observe people, observe life. Slow down, think, slow down even further. That is a luxury to me, I, like most people at this age, am occupied with 1 too many worries to slam the break. I like to think, I also like to think why I think. Sometimes I think before I realised why or how I think, I like to know the causes. By writing them down is the best way I can think of, there are probably a better way out there, but I just gonna try to write them down once before I start judging which is the winner.

Yeah, write them down, think, write more of them down so I can interpret them visually, to see what is not necessary, keep the gem, streamline my thought process.

You've got a message!

I went to sleep last night with very little hope that I could wake up refreshed. Surprisingly I was wrong, it was not as bad as I predicted before I sleep, although it was pretty bad. Energy surrounded me were having a hard time finding an entrance into my body shell. They were absolutely there, I could feel their presence, just that the locks that guarded the entrance were too solid. Admittedly, no matter how stubborn a lock wants to be, if can be opened with the right key. With the aforementioned key, I can let the energy not go to waste, but my mind was rejecting the search for it as well. 

Okay, so no energy for me before lunch, I gave in and accepted the fate. My body had switched to auto-pilot mode to conserve the isolated energy within it, my mind drifted along. I had very little memory of what went passed in front of me, they were light flash light at maximum power, too bright be accepted by my eyes's pupils. The only thing that made an impression to me during the train ride to office, was a white lady who sat beside me. Her figure was quite slim, we didn't need to fight for room in our sit. Nothing special, except that out elbows touched each other's unnecessarily. 

Was she trying to send a message? 

Happy Chinese New Year 2016!

When you are alone, festivals don't bring you the same amount of joy as they do to the companied. People like to get confirmed on their idea, when you are alone and you are feeling positively, you need somebody else beside yourself to also tell you they are feeling the same way, too. Without them, your joy wouldn't be complete, because you are not sure if it is really what you feel like, or is it just you hallucinating. Some people feel a affirmation by a person is good enough, some need more. I am the former. True screams are buried under false music. 

This year's CNY is very unique to me and my sisters, because our parents are celebrating over Malaysia while we are doing it in Singapore. Even for me, who can be quite emotional but stays logical most of the time, the separation feel kinda tough. I hope my parents would not get too emotional over there, hope Teck Cong's sister will do a good job making them forget about the tough time we are going through now. 

After CNY, life will be back to normal for a while, I hope our things will get sort out by end of this year, or even before the start of June.

Work, happily

It's a good thing to be doing something, but it's a better thing to be doing something for people you like. At work, especially, the people who you would be doing things for aren't always gonna be the most worthy of your service. Don't get me wrong, you would still complete your job, but how much satisfaction would you get out from it? Of course, when you can't control the person you work for, that usually means it is also out of the question to talk about it with anyone at work. Most of your potential listeners would have been seasoned, trying to get a piglet airborne will be easier than have one of them agree on your complains.

Not to say that you are alone on facing this, at least not during office hour and in the office. I hope your world doesn't just consist of your colleagues and your boss. You should still have people to talk to outside during non-office hour, they probably will do a better job than your co-workers. Well, what if the people you meet at office are your world? Can you know beforehand that if these people are worth your time?

Unfortunately, I doubt there is a fool-proof way to tell it, you really have got to be part of them before their true faces are unveiled. I also don't encourage you to follow the " if you can't beat them, join them." strategy, being part of them will only make things worst for the next person.

The best solution, in my opinion, is choose another job, and never ever surrender yourself to one if you find no pleasure in your work.