I want to live the way i want, what I want isn't very hard why cant I live the way I want. Why am I paying the debt for what others have done, why cant he understgand, cadoes he think he deserve it since he is old already
isn't that unfair?
sometimes i hope he dies or go somethwere ther is out of my range, i truky odont want to see him anywmore
no matter what other says, i don vxare,
he is been too selfish,
and he doesn't even know that and continue to act like what
mi f i hvea choice i really dont want to face it
i dont know myi dont know if my limit is near, i dont know how much longer i can hoold, this is getting tough,
i want to do the things i want, i want to start doing th ethigns i want, i dont want to take care of the people i dont like,
i dont like him, i dont like her
but i culd bring my sel,f to abandon them,, i still need their help
afte that i will llive the life i want,
really
really...
日曜日, 8月 16
Black Jack
I don't know why I didn't suggest a cheaper dinner today, probably I was afraid to be the spoiler. One of the things that help in having a healthy friendship to always have a good mood when going out together. Having a person in a group of friends who always have an opinion against everyone else is one of the worst thing that can happen and I surely don't want to be that guy. That makes my decision making sometime against my own will. Going out with friends is nice and all, especially when I think I learn something at the end of the day. It becomes less nice when I think I've wasted the trip. Both time and money. That's when I think going out with friends isn't so attractive to me. The problem is, you only know if you have gained anything after you are home by the end of the day. There are so many thigns that can happen that will make the tirp worthwhile at the same time there are also as many things that can ruin it. It's like a gamble, the safe way to handle it is to always have enough for yourself, in this case, time and money, before you can start to try your luck on it.
火曜日, 8月 11
Reflection
I feel like this is a place for me to ask for forgiveness. It's like a place to talk to myself, and I don't like to talk about positive things here, so that makes it an exit for my negative emotions. By no mean that is a bad thing, thought I should just make it clear. I'm not as negative as I think.
About 3 hours ago I downloaded MTGO, again, and spent around $16 on it. Not a lot I know, relatively speaking, it is. Is there any reason that made me spend that much? Yes, I want to remind myself once again the commitment I need to put on playing Magic again. The urge was getting huge and I need a reminded again. I reckoned Magic Online could be a good candidate as it is quite convenient. And so I did. Yeah I did a draft, played round 1 and lost. I felt that was enough for me. I don't have the money and don't want to spend my time on it. I won't feel right about doing it. Magic is a great game, I would recommend anyone who wants to table top game and also have a lot of time to spend. I had already had my share of Magic 10 years ago so I would rather spent on something else to make up for that. Phew, I feel better now to reflect on myself.
About 3 hours ago I downloaded MTGO, again, and spent around $16 on it. Not a lot I know, relatively speaking, it is. Is there any reason that made me spend that much? Yes, I want to remind myself once again the commitment I need to put on playing Magic again. The urge was getting huge and I need a reminded again. I reckoned Magic Online could be a good candidate as it is quite convenient. And so I did. Yeah I did a draft, played round 1 and lost. I felt that was enough for me. I don't have the money and don't want to spend my time on it. I won't feel right about doing it. Magic is a great game, I would recommend anyone who wants to table top game and also have a lot of time to spend. I had already had my share of Magic 10 years ago so I would rather spent on something else to make up for that. Phew, I feel better now to reflect on myself.
月曜日, 8月 10
Video editing
Finally I managed to get my hands on video editing, I got to admit it was certainly my thing as I like to create stuff. I've been quite curious on how special effects were applied to films and how cool it would be to create my own. So I made a video while playing around the settings, it really was quite an interesting experience. I would like to make more but I don't have anything that can reliably record movies so it would require me to use other people's footage if I want to make a movie. The one I made was using pure photos so I wasn't really able to touch on the video settings.
Finally I bought a drawing tablet, it was a second hand and the cheapest model, so far, I like using it.
我希望可以因为他的便利而更勤奋的画画，接下来我想我还是会继续创造。我也希望我可以更有条理的写作。
日曜日, 8月 2
日曜日, 7月 26
随波逐流
我想加强我的表达能力，我总觉得从我嘴里出来的和我脑袋里想的不一样。就像今天我觉得作者也不对做那也不对。我就像一个充了气的球一样，一被触碰就爆炸。我不知道我在说什么，我不想和人打交道。我中觉得在浪费时间。我想旅行，想到世界的很多地方流浪。可是我没有能力，我很恨自己的无能为力。可是我又不想过着舒适的生活。那不是我的目标。我会后悔。我知道。我想做可是我在拖延时间。我想过自己的生活。我想无依无靠。我也想不被依赖。 像风一样四处流浪。我想创作。可是我静不下来。这世界它多诱惑而我有没有信心去抗拒。我怕抗拒了我会疯掉。我只能随波逐流。我想开始什么，可是我又害怕不能结束他，怕我的信心会动摇。我好像整理整理我的想法，如果可以把它们都摆出来就好了。我有事都不知道自己在想什么要什么。我希望可以了解自己多一点，加油。
日曜日, 7月 19
Road Block
I'm about to finish my FF13's main story, I don't know if I should continue with the sidestory or not. The reason for not wanting to continue is I thought I would have an easier time to concentrate on other tasks. I think my life has come to a point that time is a luxury to me. I shouldn't be spending time on "games". I'm kind of struggling, because I want Final Fantasy to be part of my life.
I think my father has be coming more unpredictable to the extent that is quite troubling to get along with. He started work, it is actually quite normal at this era to be still working at his age, but his health is also a concern. He simply can't make decisions for the family, he can't make decisions that affect people other than himself. Either he doesn't know this fact or he doesn't want to admit it. That makes him think that he has everything covered, when things don't go the way he wants, he freaks out and starting releasing all his negative emotions that have little or no connection to the issues at hand. He is one of those people that is very hard to talk to because he only has his own explanation and won't accept people's opinions. It's is inappropriate to say the least, but the family would have been better without him, for now, it's probably too late. I don't want anything bad happen to him of course, at the same time I also want family's harmony and he is going to be the road block at long as I can tell.
I think my father has be coming more unpredictable to the extent that is quite troubling to get along with. He started work, it is actually quite normal at this era to be still working at his age, but his health is also a concern. He simply can't make decisions for the family, he can't make decisions that affect people other than himself. Either he doesn't know this fact or he doesn't want to admit it. That makes him think that he has everything covered, when things don't go the way he wants, he freaks out and starting releasing all his negative emotions that have little or no connection to the issues at hand. He is one of those people that is very hard to talk to because he only has his own explanation and won't accept people's opinions. It's is inappropriate to say the least, but the family would have been better without him, for now, it's probably too late. I don't want anything bad happen to him of course, at the same time I also want family's harmony and he is going to be the road block at long as I can tell.
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