拖延症

这几天感觉没什么精力，可能是因为吃多了重口味的东西，少吃了蔬菜肠胃负荷不了。用了两天的休息日来休息感觉比较好了。下星期开始可以吃回我自己准备的东西了。

在周末花了几个小时来准备下星期要吃的东西。为什么不好好休息呢？我想是因为吃自己准备的东西会有成就感。因为开心累一点也没关系。

跟同事感情跟好了，也开始加了FB好友，总觉得现在的我处理新的人际关系更加成熟了，不会再对朋友胡思乱想让自己不开心了。

原本要去上日文课的，到最后反悔了。觉得应该省下学费然后自修。只要有心，哪里都可以学语言。

越来越发现拖延症不可取了，要克制自己。我想睡了，但因为拖延症我还有一部电影还没看完。

晚安。

Multitasks

My mind has been quite occupied with stuffs lately. I seemed to have many things I want to do this past week, and I actually went ahead and finished most of them. (I ditched some impractical ones, like filling out lyrics of a song.) That actually made me quite satisfied with myself. I dislike wasting time, I feel like I put my time to full use last week and that made me feel good.

The incident last weekend made the following Monday terrible for me, as I kept thinking about it the whole day. I managed to pull through, and the rest of the week was quite peaceful for me. I had many thing planned when I got my first salary. I had to make every penny counts as I didn't deserve much. I'm going to make my self worth more at the same time enjoy the process. I don't want to earn money like a droid. 

I'm starting to feel like since my thoughts are starting to get crowded with stuffs I want to do, I don't have much else for other tasks, like my reacting and expressing my thoughts. I'm sure working on those issues. I want to spend least effort for expressions at the same time being able to convey them surely. 

Ka-boom

After quite a long period of peacefulness in my family, I knew I didn't have to wait to long for another conflict. It happened yesterday, and it changed everything.

It started just between two people, soon it involved everyone. (Including me, though not directly.)
It shouldn't have and shouldn't be affecting everyone. The reason it was having an easy time putting everyone involved is because in our family, there are too many mines between one another through the years. To say the least, we weren't really feel together. Most of us hadn't been treating each other as family. We've only been doing what is just enough to avoid conflict withing the house. I already knew about this issue since I was still a kid. I also didn't foresee this to change anytime soon, or it ever will. Most of us, at least for the youngs, are just waiting.

We are waiting to get out of the house. To leave the "family". We are just a bunch of extremely dry wood, even a tiny spark will ignite us. We need some moisture that we will never be able to get if we stick together. That sounds sad, just like most of the truths are.

Tasker

It's been a tough week. I kinda lost my focus on most things. I'm still trying to figure out the work I need to do at my job. So far not much have passed on to me as I'm still a newbie at this job. 

So, whenever I turn on my PC in the morning at office, I start to wander how I'm gonna spend my next 9 hours there. I usually start checking Email, wait for my superior to reach office, when I feel he doesn't want me for any task, I start my morning software lesson. I spend the hours before lunch researching the softwares, try to get myself familiar with them as soon as possible. Then I lunch, there's when the challenge comes. I NEED something to do before knocking off.

I spend this past weekend trying to think of some tasks to do after my lunch time at office. I kinda skip the usual entertainments like videos or games as I don't want to spend the time unproductively. I ended up decided on reading and drawing. These are the things I will do if I'm not working. 

I just thought of writing might be a potential candidate also, we will see. 

如果还有如果

你在我面前伪装，逼得我也在你面前强颜欢笑。我不开口，你也不开口。你到极限的时候，可以变得脆弱。我到极限的时候，只能接受你的脆弱。而你的脆弱，可以换来答案。我的脆弱，只能换来更多的脆弱。你还有我，我谁都没有。我其实不想再给你找答案了，可我的良心却一次次的说服了我。

我不敢在一个人的时候想到你，因为那只会提醒我其实有多恨你。对，恨。五年前我以为事情明朗了以后我会不再恨你。我高估了自己。只要一想到我们现在的情况，我怪你，我只想怪你。。。

我只能怪你。

A little blues

I dislike complicated things. I don't feel safe if I can't figure something out. Although much less than before, I still find myself in that kind of situation every now and then. There aren't many things I care about and I still find them to be a few too many I want to spend my brain cells on. I prefer simplicity. 

I've always been trying to simplify things, simplify my life. I keep the things I care about to the minimum--the games I play, the type of asset I own and the people I talk to etc. I keep things simple at the same time I make sure they are still interesting enough. I wouldn't go as far as to sacrifice the fun in something just because I think they are troublesome. I've got to be practical. I guess that is the difference between the kind of person I'm and people with autism. 

I don't put on the headphone because I like to listen to music, but because I don't want to hear the noise of the world around me. 

Relationship

One of the most important task when I started working last week, besides trying to quickly pick up new software, was to build up some kind of relationship or another with my colleagues. As we are together 5 days a week, 9 hours a day, the time we are together are almost as much as a family, I can't imagine myself in a working environment like that if I make myself an outsider to them. I always keep them in mind and whenever I've got the chance I'll approach some of the people and chat.

My first day working I had the chance to have lunch with two of my colleagues, but since it was my first day we still have the awkwardness when we sat down at a table. Even when we were on the way back to office we didn't talk much that could help in developing the relationship between us. The next day got worst because I was to be late for work and missed the lunch time. When I got there everyone had started their second half of their work. That was a terrible afternoon as I literally didn't do anything until I knocked off.

Here comes Thursday(I started on Tuesday), when things are starting to look better. I reached office half an hour earlier and was the third to reach there. The first two who arrived earlier are the kind of person who likes to chat a lot, so I took my chance and introduced myself, find out more about them and the rest of the office team. I even manage to show some of my humour to everyone at lunch time when we all sat together in a briefing. Trying to let my colleagues know more about me is my objective and my humour is something I want to show them as soon as possible.

Friday went very well, as everyone was quite relaxed on that day. My direct superior started using Mandarin to talk with me more, I know that is a sign that he is treating me as something more then a new comer. I was pleased. He even told many stories when we were having lunch together.

My relationship development, it didn't go well at first, but was starting to progress slowly but steady.