Rope, nope

I'm at work, I'm supposed to look occupied with work. Mostly, I can't do the things I wish to do. I have to resort to secondary options like going to toilet, chit chat with colleagues, reading in a unconfortable manners. I'm not allow to sing, listen to music with out earphone, or do cleaning. I have to get ready anytime during work hour in the office which seems pointless to me. I'm waiting for orders from people I don't know, pretend to speak in the most professional and boring way I can think of. Emotionless, like a zombie. All because of money. For survivability. We were asked to do so. Do we have a choice? I believe yes. We are just not willing to step out of our comfort zone. We hate uncertainty, we want to feel safe, even if we risk sacrificing many more. We often get something big, but what we don't know is we are stopped from getting something bigger the smaller thing are too close to us, too close to our eyes and blocked our view or the bigger objects. Step back a bit, leave everything else where they are, you are deserved to see more things even bigger across the horizon.
Often time we don't have the courage to do so, even I who are constantly thinking of this, I need more than courage to do it. I'm not alone, there are several people with me looking at the smaller object at the same distance. What If I step back and they don't? Are they gonna believe me what I see? You have  ways to make sure they do. You can sever your connection with them, so you won't have to explain what you see because you are not obliged to do so anymore nor they have any intention to know. The other one is you can tighten the rope that are tying you all together, so when you step back you pull them along as well and none of them will see different thing than you do. I don't know which one is the preferred way to do, nor which are more superior than the other. It's all up to personal preference, the one who are responsible are yourself. Choose, stick to it and be responsible is what every man, no, every human being should do. Don't live in other people's shadow or decision. Live yours, sever or tighten the rope is your choice. You are probably not the only person who are troubled with it, the other also have the cut or tighten dilemma, you can be the executor or be executed. You can also turn on passive mode all the way and eventually you will be left with yourself. That is essentially sever mode, but not actually, because you didn't make any choice so you are not responsible to anything. As far as my understanding goes, try to avoid that situation, that is not going to sculpt you in any way. Be active, take action. Good luck!

Let's do it

It has been 20 days since my last entry, "I've been busy lately." is my reason. But in reality, I'm not actually telling the truth. Yes, my tasks in hand had grown since the last 6 months, I no longer have the privilege to daydream. But yet, they haven't deprived me of mine sleep time, what have was the amount of time I procrastinate. I have been doing that a lot, when ever I stop to take a breath, sitting in front of a PC not doing work related things, and/or when I have a lot of free time. That is not good, because when I don't have much time left for non-work related stuff, I have no time, and when I do have some time, I have little. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY. I just need to talk myself out of it, stop thinking that I still have a lot of chance to do them and I should focus on things that pleasure me. I DON'T. When I think some thing isn't done, I should get it done, not set it aside for later. Because that is how time is wasted, we should not be wasting any time doing things that don't benefit us. Every actions, every thoughts must come with reasons. Not because I think I "should", "it is the safest", or "I don't have time to think over the rest of the options." Do it immediately, or when the next possible time appear. Not leave it to the future. The "you" now and the future "you" are the same "you." That is no reason for us to think that the future "you" won't mind the things the present you do now. Only them our mind can then be free, resulting more time to think straight. Everything get done, less worries. There is a dreaded cycle, "you need to do something, leave it for later,later, leave it for later again," eventually they just heaped up so much that it become a daunting task just to think of it, and when you are not thinking about it it heaps up even more and you want to think of it even less. Eventually you forget about it. When it comes back to haunt you, the mass if so large that you simply won't be able to take it. And the cycle begins, and sooner or later it's size are so massive that you stop doing meaningful things. Your life become bad, stale, stinky, when you realise something is wrong, that's nothing you can do about it. Be thoughtful, fix the problem immediately, live good life, be responsible to yourself so you can do it to the people around you. Smile, everyday, everywhere, anytime.


Love, Peace, Hope, and Dream.

A picture speaks a thousand words

It all started when Maurice bought his first DSLR. It was a semi-beginner model, had one of the best functions among the options he had financially. It was bought at the digital lifestyle convention during the weekend sometime in the late August on 2014, we decided to go for a photography session the weekend after. That also meant we had only 1 week to learn how to use a DSLR. But my job then was a very relaxed one, so I began my research on it. I encountered all kinds of photography technical terms, but soon they all made sense to us. We were very excited, as if a whole new door had opened in our life. 

We chose town area as our first ever photography virgin experience location, it being convenient and all. Till now, I still remember we would get attracted by all kinds of lights, went to places we didn't know exist, saw things in a different view. Soon we found out that photography was really fun.

A picture speaks a thousand words, I'm a very talkative person so I usually let the pictures do the talking for me. 

Trial and Tribulation

I had a nightmare last night, it was scary.

In the dream, I killed somebody, left him somewhere in the wild, where it wasn't very remotely far. I lived in constant fear of the corpse getting discovered, I kept blaming myself and my friend for not choosing the location wisely. Oh, did I mention I had a accomplice? It was Jerii. He too was living in the same worry I had. Both of us were very scared, there wasn't anyone we could ask for help. Jerii even said he didn't even have his father inform. The world had just been split into 2 sides: Jerii and I, and everyone else. Somehow, I know I was in a dream, but being in that position was unbearable. I started trying to get out of that, being actually asleep, I woke up.

Killing people is probably 1 of the fastest method for shutting people up, as well as yourself, for the rest of your life. But it takes no effort from them.

I'm not stupid, maybe I'm

Hi guys, I knew yesterday was different, I did things that I have never done in a long time. I went shopping, THE SHOPPING. I go in a fashion shop, pick some clothes I fancy, go in a fitting room, try them out, and actually bought them. Unbelievable, right? Previously, the course of events were much complicated. I think over what I'm buying, 5 times, I go in 5 different fashion shop, finally pick some clothes I think "is OKAY",  go in a fitting room and get out in 10 mins without even being able to remember what I wore, and put them back on the shelves. 5 times. I always ended up home empty handed. The feeling is weird, do I enjoy it? I can't say I'm.

What was so different this time? I think because I spent less time answering questions inside me and more time asking them. When I went to shopping previously, I only had myself to consult opinions, I was limited to what I knew then. I wasn't going anywhere. This time I actually had shop clerks to help me with my questions, they work in the shop and know their products a lot better than me. Which it was proven to be true.

Why didn't I do it until now? Very simple, because I didn't trust them, I thought that I would not want to bother asking questions if the answer I get is bias. But I was quite wrong. Since when answer weren't bias? The only time they weren't was probably when you and your twin sibling asked your mum which of you draw better. So I know answers were almost always bias. What could I do with them if I want my questions to be answered by a different person other then myself? I get answers from others, and then I filter them myself. That was like hitting 2 tigers with 1 stone (not like you should ever do that). My questions were answered, and I spent less time getting them.

So you should always ask questions, 1 more question you ask is 1 hours less thinking you do.


"A person looks stupid for 30 seconds when he asks a question, and lifetime if he doesn't."

An Open Letter to Tom 1 Year From Now

Hi Tom, I'm you 1 year ago. How was the year? I hope you are doing fine, you should be if I have been following the guidelines I gave myself 1 year ago. You should be a more complete person now, at least be a better version of you currently.

Do you still remember the list I made of things that I was gonna do for you in year 2016? I hope I have been following that, I would be very disappointed if I hadn't. I didn't want you to stray away from your dream anymore so I decided to write them down. Here was the list:


I am going to write something everyday. You have always wanted to write a story, so you can freely express the creativity in your thoughts. You always have a lot of interesting(at least to me) ideas but my ability to write hinders you from putting them to words. I thought that you could at least share those ideas with others, who knew you might be the next George Lucas.

I am going to design something everyday. You know, the answer you have always wanted to tell others when they asked "What do you do for a living?" was "I'm a designer.". You couldn't because I wasn't really steering towards that direction, it could be a dead end with a concrete wall, it could also just be a dead end road sign that had been stopping you. I'm going that direction now.

I am going to draw something everyday. A picture tells a thousand story, but mine can't even tell one now. This is sad, considering that you started drawing 4 years ago(by your time it should be 5 years ago) and your drawing foundation still was bad. I decided that things can't continue like this if you want to realize your dream.

I am going to understand more about music everyday. It's been a while now, but you still believed that music was still the only thing to remind people who they really are. Do you still remember the busker who was playing a guitar in a busy street? You thought that he was the only one alive. Everyone else who walked passed him was like zombies. You know you want to be that busker and not those lifeless zombies. (My example is probably exaggerating, but it is close.)

I am going to smile everyday. Life's cruel, too many unexpected thing happen. 100 years from now, they really don't matter. If you are still smiling now, that's good, if you are not, I hope this letter can remind you the way to do it.

That's a lot of things for me to do for you, were you being too greedy? Probably, but I knew these are the things you want to do in your life. Remember, your goal before 30 was to create an animated video by yourself. You won't be able to achieve that without I starting doing these things now.

Stay positive, exercise often, eat vegetables, watch Anime, read books, get a girlfriend. Hope to hear from you soon, Tom.



Best wishes,
Yourself

The 2 days that just passed, they were like dreams. The kind of dreams that make me want to keep on dreaming. 48 hours ago, I wasn't expecting I would be dreaming for the next 2 days, by the time I realized they were dreams, I was sitting in front of my PC talking about them. They were good, I don't want them to stop, I don't know how much I'm willing to sacrifice just to have them prolonged, but I know they will be a lot.