An Open Letter to Tom 1 Year From Now

Hi Tom, I'm you 1 year ago. How was the year? I hope you are doing fine, you should be if I have been following the guidelines I gave myself 1 year ago. You should be a more complete person now, at least be a better version of you currently.

Do you still remember the list I made of things that I was gonna do for you in year 2016? I hope I have been following that, I would be very disappointed if I hadn't. I didn't want you to stray away from your dream anymore so I decided to write them down. Here was the list:


I am going to write something everyday. You have always wanted to write a story, so you can freely express the creativity in your thoughts. You always have a lot of interesting(at least to me) ideas but my ability to write hinders you from putting them to words. I thought that you could at least share those ideas with others, who knew you might be the next George Lucas.

I am going to design something everyday. You know, the answer you have always wanted to tell others when they asked "What do you do for a living?" was "I'm a designer.". You couldn't because I wasn't really steering towards that direction, it could be a dead end with a concrete wall, it could also just be a dead end road sign that had been stopping you. I'm going that direction now.

I am going to draw something everyday. A picture tells a thousand story, but mine can't even tell one now. This is sad, considering that you started drawing 4 years ago(by your time it should be 5 years ago) and your drawing foundation still was bad. I decided that things can't continue like this if you want to realize your dream.

I am going to understand more about music everyday. It's been a while now, but you still believed that music was still the only thing to remind people who they really are. Do you still remember the busker who was playing a guitar in a busy street? You thought that he was the only one alive. Everyone else who walked passed him was like zombies. You know you want to be that busker and not those lifeless zombies. (My example is probably exaggerating, but it is close.)

I am going to smile everyday. Life's cruel, too many unexpected thing happen. 100 years from now, they really don't matter. If you are still smiling now, that's good, if you are not, I hope this letter can remind you the way to do it.

That's a lot of things for me to do for you, were you being too greedy? Probably, but I knew these are the things you want to do in your life. Remember, your goal before 30 was to create an animated video by yourself. You won't be able to achieve that without I starting doing these things now.

Stay positive, exercise often, eat vegetables, watch Anime, read books, get a girlfriend. Hope to hear from you soon, Tom.



Best wishes,
Yourself

The 2 days that just passed, they were like dreams. The kind of dreams that make me want to keep on dreaming. 48 hours ago, I wasn't expecting I would be dreaming for the next 2 days, by the time I realized they were dreams, I was sitting in front of my PC talking about them. They were good, I don't want them to stop, I don't know how much I'm willing to sacrifice just to have them prolonged, but I know they will be a lot.

Tyndall effect through Pandan leaves

What I learnt this past 5 days were disappointingly not much. All I could easily remember is I had  always been confused. It was wasting a lot of my time because I didn't know if it was the best use of my time. I kept going back and forth doing multiple things at once keeping my self distracted. Strangely, I had fewer things done. I'm always contemplating and I should seriously do more and think less.

Alright, I am suppose to talk about what I had been learning and if I had been a better person than who I was last week.

I continued to watch more music theory lessons since last Monday, I would say about 15 of them, and I could understand them as soon as I finished them. Those are probably just the beginning but I find music theory is intriguing enough for me. I would like to have more understand in it.

Beside Music, I adjusted most of my MTG cards for sale last as I realized that Singapore MTG market is too saturated on cards. People simply already have all the low and mid end cards they want, either they have played long enough to justify the buy or they got it somewhere cheap. For high end card that is not the case, but since I don't have much high ends left so I usually go with the low and mid end business strategy. I round down TCG mid prices for all my cards, although a exception here and there, so when they are checked for market price, they will be seen below market average price. People will think they are getting a good deal thus my sales.

I also learnt that making my own green tea is much more economical than buying a bottle one. A 1.5L sugarless green tea would cost me $1.8 where it is only $0.50 if I make my own. I like the taste of the homemade one more, anyway.

I usually am pretty easygoing on my meals, but sometimes when time call I won't mind going for some classy options. Especially when I don't have to spend a single penny. I was invited to a belated birthday celebration dinner at W Hotel Sentosa by 2 friends of mine. Huge thanks to both of them or else I would never know how a $100 buffet dinner tastes like.

I would never know how much I needed love.

The reception at the buffet restaurant was a young girl, she was friendly, greet us with a smile when we arrived and was always smiling when seen. I think she was pretty, I was glad to have her around the restaurant as she helped a lot with our dinner mood that evening. My heart definitely skipped a beat or 2 whenever we met at the eyes. I had a crush on her, for 2 days.

Frankly speaking, she wouldn't be the one for me even if we got to spend more time together, it was just that her appearance had made me feel love was actually a thing in me. I still wanted to love and to be loved. She made me remembered I had cut off that emotion somewhere along the way in the past years for I thought it would be unnecessary given my current stage in life. I have other priorities at the moment and affection is probably not in the top 10 list at the moment.

I would want to thank her if I ever see her again; It was good to feel love again, it was good.

Okay, before I start talking what I learnt yesterday, I have 2 choices to make. I can go all negative and rant about it and make myself look miserably pathetic, or I can treat it as a valuable reference for my future challenges. Obviously, I decided to do both at once.

The negative Tom:

Yesterday was tough, everything didn't go the way I wanted. People told me otherwise, but I was not satisfied with my TV host performance. 

I don't know, no matter how hard or how many times I tried to look natural in front of the camera, my attempts were futile. The TV hostess, Lizzee, probably noticed my struggle and tried to do something about it, too, but I couldn't give her attempts justice, either. The struggling was real, the whole 30mins, the length of the show, was probably the longest I had felt ever in my life so far. 

After the show ended, I started blaming myself for my performance prior and was feeling down the whole night. I went straight to Jerii to help him packed up the equipment. I tried to look normal to him but there was a lot going on inside me. Thinking that a good night rest could help ease off my gloomy mood, I hurriedly packed everything and skip eating dinner with Darren and the gang to head home as fast as I was allow to. 

After I cleaned myself, ate dinner, I positioned myself in front of my computer ready to start sorting my thoughts. Then my father came out from his room and told me he wasn't feeling too well. He said he might have caught the cold but felt it could be more than that. I advised him to go see the doc but he refused, worrying about the consultant fee. 

I know he was trying to help us save money by not seeing a doctor when he is ill, but that usually ended up costing more. I insisted and we went to the 24 hr clinic 3 bus stops away. He was trying to talk to me thru out the whole thing but I just wasn't in the mood. I was being non-responsive to his talking. We exchanged less than 10 words. He must had been feeling really sorry to me, to the whole family for it was too late at his age to do anything. 

To live a life this miserably, know anything he could have done would change the situation he is in now. I felt sorry for him, but at the same time, I know that even if he has another 50 years to live, nothing would still be done. He is just a coward. 

The positive Tom:

I learnt a lot yesterday. 

My MTG selling thread has been updated with new card prices. After I learnt that non standard MTG cards are hard to sell at their mid TCG price, I adjusted them reasonably. Almost immediately, I got an offer from somebody for a total of $100 worth of cards. I was happy that my observation was correct. 

Given that my Sunday was spent outdoor, I proceeded to watch music theory tutorial as soon as I'm unoccupied. I was happy with my progress as so far I had been able to grasp what the videos are trying to tell. I also had my level 1 musical terms refreshed, here are they:

Accento = Stressed note(I cheated) 

Adagio = somewhat slow pace, between largo and andante.

Allegro = very fast

Allegretto = fast

Andante = at the walking pace, moderately slow

A tempo = return to the original tempo

Cantabile = in a singing voice

Crescendo = gradually getting louder

con pedale = on pedal

Da Capo = repeat to the beginning

Da Segno = repeat from the sign

Decrescendo = gradually getting softer

Diminuendo = gradually getting softer

dolce = sweet gentle

fermata = pause, and hold for half the value more

forte = loud

fortissimo = very loud

fine = end of the music

grazioso = graceful

leggato = smoothly

largo = very slow

lento = slow

maestoso = majestic

macato = marked or stressed

mano destro = right hand

mano sinistra = left hand

mezzo forte = moderately loud

mezzo piano = moderately soft

moderato = moderately pae

ottava = play one octave higher or lower

pianissimo = very soft

piano =soft

presto = very fast

prestissimo = as fast as you could

rallentando = gradually getting slower

ritardnuendo = gradually gettig slower

:|||

slur = play note leggato

staccato = short and detached

tie = hold for combined note value

tempo = the speed of which music is performed

tempo primo = return to the original speed

That's all, not many, just a few.

I also did some music exams, but I didn't finish them. I'm planning to do it today. After I finished writing. 

I also managed to write consecutively for 3 days, I'm satisfied with myself for it. I enjoy writing so far. 

I learnt that overthinking was bad, I should be worrying too much. Everything would come together eventually. But what I did yesterday at my TV show was the exact opposite. I was trying to hard to control everything when all I did was making the atmosphere felt forced. It's alright, now I know. 

I feel much better now, even though my father wasn't feeling too well when I reached home yesterday and I brought him to the doc but I think he is just lonely with my mother oversea. He is getting old, so the occasional helplessness seems to have caught onto him. I will try all my best to help him, to help the family, to help myself. 

Thankfully I chose to sleep early even after a not so optimum day. 

I went to bed 230AM today. The time needed to put me out of my conscious was probably half the speed of light, and that made revision of what I had learned yesterday impossible.

I woke up at 830AM and felt refreshed. While speedily cleaning myself, I tried to recall what were learnt yesterday:

Excessive emotions can only hinder my thinking circuit, they cause more harm than benefits.

Saving Private Ryan is a good movie. Tom Hanks, and the others were all very good at their roles. My understanding for WWII had grown for the most part, I know who Private Ryan is, and I also now aware that canteen means water bottle. Oh ya, and FUBAR.

I know the name for the 8 scale positions: Tonic, Supertonic, Mediant, Subdominant, Dominant, Submediant, and Leading Tone. With which the Tonic and Dominant have the most power in a scale.
53 means position root, 6 means position 1, and 64 means position 2. My drawing speed for Circle of Fifths has been increased.

I re-organized all my MTG cards with Excel, basically retyped a new card list. Filled in a few card prices.

That's basically it. I don't intend to use it as a excuse, but I want to start slow and keep going at a steady pace.

I started today with a MTGO draft, wanting to lose and uninstall. I didn't, I ended up winning 2 matches and got my entry fee back. Apparently trying to lose to win was quite a strategy to have. The whole afternoon was spent almost entirely under the sun, feeding mosquitoes, under more sun (I lied, that was actually only 1 sun at all time), feeding more mosquitoes. After we make sure enough mosquitoes were fed, Jerii and I went to town, ate dinner, and went home.

I was opening up my mind to let thoughts flow into it, what I learnt today were:

I want a thin frame circular lens spectacles.

I want only 1 pair.

Paying extra $100 for PC lens probably won't justify them.

I can get my clothes at Carousell.

And once again, in order to meet the person I want to meet, the places I want to go, and the things I want to talk about, I have to become a person who deserve them. That will be my goal from now on.

Endlessly ask yourself, " Are you really happy, or just really comfortable?"

"What kind of person do I want to be?" That is the question I'm always asking myself. Trust me, the struggle to finding the answer hasn't been straightforward.

Slow down, think, would the thing I do mindlessly direct me to my destination as planned? If it obviously won't, should I stop doing?
Slow down, Tom, take a step back and carefully think about it.

Unsurprisingly, I go to work everyday like most of the people at my age; I go home after 9 dreadful/joyful hours. I'm no different than the rest. This isn't right, if everyone is like that, why are there great people on the news paper? Why aren't they us? That must be something I overlooked. Luckily, I found a explanation for it. Everyone go to work in the morning and go home in the evening, estimating 10hours gone in a typical day. Eat, rest, sleep are the standard routine everyone follows before they start another robotic day.

That is what "everyone" thinks. I don't really want to be different just for the sake of being one, it is just coincident that the person I happen to want to be are.

Lying is bad, especially when you're doing it to yourself, so making resolution hasn't been my thing, so far. What I'm going to boldly say now are going to be the list of trainings I'm preparing for myself, in order to be "different.

Obviously, the thing that is hindering my progress, or so I'm thinking, is my lack of self control for my desires. Desires, other than those that are educational, made me spent time on wastefully. I would find out only after some time had been spent, but nonetheless I did manage to. After which I just had to pay more attention the next time those desires arose...

...and that is basically it, I just have to put myself in boredom to be the person I hope to be.

(Unfortunately, that's not it. I'm just getting tired and have to end the article abruptly. There will be more tomorrow, hopefully. )

Return to Magic

I found it amusing going to the casino last Thursday. I had planned to spent $50, but I ended up spending $100. Truly, I thought I could win back the $50 I had lost. I didn't yield. Even though I ended up spending more than I expected to, that was $100 I could afford to lose. I got to admit I learnt much from this venture into the casino.

I felt terrible last Friday after I woke up. Spent the first 2 hours in morning on a movie. After that, I cooked, and I sat down prepare to read. I didn't manage to find any mood for reading. I kept staring at the same sentence over and over again. So I attempt to draw, nope, didn't work either. So, I laid out my thoughts on the table. I was attempting to filter them and see what was stopping me. It turned out to be Magic. I wanted to play Magic. I contemplated and I selected Magic online over paper Magic. The reason was because I wasn't too sure if I was just lonely or truly yearn to play Magic.

I installed the Magic online client and spent $15 on a draft set. I chose Origin draft, which I'm more familiar with, and determined to lose the $15. I lost in the final and got away with another free draft set, then, Melvin called.

He was wondering if I had free time in the afternoon, I gave him a positive reply and we decide to meet a cafe at Ginza. I was late for a bit, by the time I arrived it was already 15mins late. He brought with him a normal size plastic bag. I looked inside and saw 3 deck boxes and a 500cards carton box. Since I was eager to get my hands on real magic cards, I immediately went for the bag and start browsing through them. I found some gems in the form of foils, and foreign cards. When he returned from the food counter which he went for food ordering, he urged me to prioritize the 500cards box first. He said it had the most valuable cards. I obeyed and looked into it. There were many valuable cards, among which had foreign white border Volcanic Island, Savanna, and Brushland. Judging by the conditions, the cards can be easily sold for $200 a piece. I evaluated all of the boxes content and informed Melvin they are worth approximately $10k. Except they weren't. They were actually closer to $7k. Then I told him I need to get at least an album for exhibiting the cards so they can be made known to the players he, almost immediately, suggested that we should go to his warehouse and get the rest of his Magic collection which includes card album. I obliged and of we went to the warehouse.

It was in Bukit Batok, I arrived with a anxious heart. I didn't anticipate much could be left but I was quite wrong. There were 7 carton boxes in the warehouse, 5 of which were what we were interested in. Melvin only inclined to transport just 3 of them but I voted for all since I wanted to check out everything. He surrendered and 5 boxes were transported to his car.

Everything were unloaded to my house safely and now it is up to me what means do I have to use to turn them into cash. I'm confident I'm capable to maximize their potential. I'm confident.