Time, Town, Test

Has it been that things around me changed too rapidly or has it been me not being prepared for them? I don't know, but I'm starting to feel that I need some help reading my life. My mother would be leaving tomorrow for her quest of bringing me and my sister identity at Malaysia. Beside at the start when she would be accompanied by my father and my sister friend, she would be alone most of the time after the first few days. Our family haven't been separated ever since 20 years ago, her Malaysia trips this time is probably going to take months before we even get the chance to see each other again. I hope she can handle it, I hope all of us can, too. This is only the first big changes this week for me.

I'm starting work the coming Monday. I've got the consent from the authority and I'm allowed to work legally now. Not only I have little knowledge for the company I'm working at, which is my friend's, I don't quite know what I'm supposed to do there. My friend told me I would be learning and working at the same time, I hope I would not be a burden to him. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a little nervous. A bit more, maybe.

I don't know.

When you said 'Leave it to me.', I left it to you. When you said 'Everything is gonna be alright.', I trusted you. When you said 'Never mind about it.', I lived carefree. I continued to live that way, until all your lies crumbled slowly day by day. I had to start worrying. Worrying about everything. It was too much for for the young me to realize and to face them all at once.

I ran away. I deny to admit them. I deny to admit the troubles you had failed to solve. I hoped to let the problems solve itself. That didn't happen. I had to take over. When I started collecting the puzzle pieces for the problem's solution, you continued your lies. Only then I knew, the reason that you lied. Your lies not only deceived me, but they also you, the person who came out with them. You believed what you said, even when they weren't even close to the facts.

I was confused, I'm still being confused. Should I put the blame on you? Why should I not?

What face should I put on when facing you? Face of hatred or face of forgiveness?


I don't know.

Party

I went to the Embassy of Malaysia in Singapore yesterday, I was feeling kinda nervous not knowing what to expect. I went there with my parents, to apply for an temporary passport for my mother. We took a cab there, the trip took around 15mins. I approach the guard house and was asked to provide IDs, 3 IDs in fact. My father provided them and we were off to the main hall. We arrived there before lunch time to avoid crowd, but we were surprised to find out there were quite a lot of people there already. Fortunately the staffs there were very helpful, we were able to get everything (forms, photos) ready and queued up. We got a queue number 3000 and were asked to sit down to wait. Around 45mins later we were called directly from the counter instead from the LED screen. My mother's temporary passport was issued to us.


After the past 6 months investigation in Singapore, my guess is my mother will be scheduled to go back to Malaysia by next week, after that there are still a lot to be done there for the family. I'm not allowed to follow her, so I have to instruct here what to do now and hope everything will go our way. It will probably take another 6 months before any answers can be heard. I know this day has to come sooner or later but I'm still a bit nervous.


We will be strong here in Singapore waiting for you, so mum, you have to be strong and take care of everything at Malaysia too.

Food

For the past few days, I've been craving for food even after I'm done eating. Most of the time I can overcome the crave and forget about it after awhile, but sometimes it makes me unable to concentrate on other tasks. I've come out a few explanation for it; I've been working out with empty stomach and haven't been restoring my energy immediately after that.; there have been too much temptation around me and have made me kept thinking of all those tasty treats; stress. 

I guess they all contributed some percentage of it, solving just one isn't going to help me out of this. 

I'm hungry.

One heart two uses.

I got to admit ever since my 7 days adventure with online games last week, I've been quite lazy ever since. Usually, when I'm studying, I'm studying. But recently I picked up the habit of doing two things at once. I would open my Japanese news website and Hearthstone together. Then I would practice my Japanese oral pronunciation and play Hearthstone at the same time. I would be busy switching between the game and the news site. Sometimes I confuse myself quite a bit. I hope to save time and the dullness from studying but I guess it doesn't work. That usually takes me longer to complete two tasks together than doing them separately. I know that's bad, I should be looking at the benefit of studying than finding the boredom of it.

I'm actually writing this post with a split screen stream, but I think that's fine, it actually make my brain more active.  

Patient

Previous week was quite a literally sleepless week for me. I picked up a massive multiplayer online game. I'd been playing since last Friday. I even sacrificed my studying time for it. I know I wouldn't play for long since losing precious studying time for it hadn't been my intention. So I stopped yesterday night. Today, everything back to normal and I enjoy it. I enjoyed the game, too. It's just that it couldn't quite fit into my schedule. Not only that, the whole week I spent playing the game gave me some insight on what to do with my mother issue.


I've talked to my family, I'm trying to let them know what are going to happen and what they are going to go through. I let them know the good and bad things altogether. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be quite difficult, especially at the start, but when you got to do you got to do. Human are very good at adapting when it is your only choice.


Everything are going to change in a month or so, we can only plan until the day comes.

Split Second

For the next few months, the life for my family member will have huge changes. My mother has to go to Malaysia embassy and ask for a temporary passport to return to her home country. She has to apply for new valid documents there, settle down, and help me and my sister to apply, too. My father will go back with her as she is going to be scared alone in a place that she had not been seeing for 25 years. For us who are left in Singapore, we have to take care of ourselves and the house. That are going to be some plannings involved. 

Money, while my Mother is absent, 1/3 of the family income is gone. That means careful planning of the expanses cannot be avoided. She also does most of the household chore. Washing clothes, cleaning, buying the daily necessities. I'm sure with out her, there are going to be a lot of troubles surfacing that we never thought would have. 

Looking at the family, that is only one person who can arrange all these things, that person is me. That is a lot of pressure. Too many issues are coming together and there isn't much time. I know I have to come out with a plan and present to the family. But before that, I need some time to digest. The way I tackle this kind of problem is I let myself indulge in something for a few days and once I have had enough, I will just spend the whole day facing the problem seriously. 

I hope that works this time.