Party

I went to the Embassy of Malaysia in Singapore yesterday, I was feeling kinda nervous not knowing what to expect. I went there with my parents, to apply for an temporary passport for my mother. We took a cab there, the trip took around 15mins. I approach the guard house and was asked to provide IDs, 3 IDs in fact. My father provided them and we were off to the main hall. We arrived there before lunch time to avoid crowd, but we were surprised to find out there were quite a lot of people there already. Fortunately the staffs there were very helpful, we were able to get everything (forms, photos) ready and queued up. We got a queue number 3000 and were asked to sit down to wait. Around 45mins later we were called directly from the counter instead from the LED screen. My mother's temporary passport was issued to us.


After the past 6 months investigation in Singapore, my guess is my mother will be scheduled to go back to Malaysia by next week, after that there are still a lot to be done there for the family. I'm not allowed to follow her, so I have to instruct here what to do now and hope everything will go our way. It will probably take another 6 months before any answers can be heard. I know this day has to come sooner or later but I'm still a bit nervous.


We will be strong here in Singapore waiting for you, so mum, you have to be strong and take care of everything at Malaysia too.

Food

For the past few days, I've been craving for food even after I'm done eating. Most of the time I can overcome the crave and forget about it after awhile, but sometimes it makes me unable to concentrate on other tasks. I've come out a few explanation for it; I've been working out with empty stomach and haven't been restoring my energy immediately after that.; there have been too much temptation around me and have made me kept thinking of all those tasty treats; stress. 

I guess they all contributed some percentage of it, solving just one isn't going to help me out of this. 

I'm hungry.

One heart two uses.

I got to admit ever since my 7 days adventure with online games last week, I've been quite lazy ever since. Usually, when I'm studying, I'm studying. But recently I picked up the habit of doing two things at once. I would open my Japanese news website and Hearthstone together. Then I would practice my Japanese oral pronunciation and play Hearthstone at the same time. I would be busy switching between the game and the news site. Sometimes I confuse myself quite a bit. I hope to save time and the dullness from studying but I guess it doesn't work. That usually takes me longer to complete two tasks together than doing them separately. I know that's bad, I should be looking at the benefit of studying than finding the boredom of it.

I'm actually writing this post with a split screen stream, but I think that's fine, it actually make my brain more active.  

Patient

Previous week was quite a literally sleepless week for me. I picked up a massive multiplayer online game. I'd been playing since last Friday. I even sacrificed my studying time for it. I know I wouldn't play for long since losing precious studying time for it hadn't been my intention. So I stopped yesterday night. Today, everything back to normal and I enjoy it. I enjoyed the game, too. It's just that it couldn't quite fit into my schedule. Not only that, the whole week I spent playing the game gave me some insight on what to do with my mother issue.


I've talked to my family, I'm trying to let them know what are going to happen and what they are going to go through. I let them know the good and bad things altogether. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be quite difficult, especially at the start, but when you got to do you got to do. Human are very good at adapting when it is your only choice.


Everything are going to change in a month or so, we can only plan until the day comes.

Split Second

For the next few months, the life for my family member will have huge changes. My mother has to go to Malaysia embassy and ask for a temporary passport to return to her home country. She has to apply for new valid documents there, settle down, and help me and my sister to apply, too. My father will go back with her as she is going to be scared alone in a place that she had not been seeing for 25 years. For us who are left in Singapore, we have to take care of ourselves and the house. That are going to be some plannings involved. 

Money, while my Mother is absent, 1/3 of the family income is gone. That means careful planning of the expanses cannot be avoided. She also does most of the household chore. Washing clothes, cleaning, buying the daily necessities. I'm sure with out her, there are going to be a lot of troubles surfacing that we never thought would have. 

Looking at the family, that is only one person who can arrange all these things, that person is me. That is a lot of pressure. Too many issues are coming together and there isn't much time. I know I have to come out with a plan and present to the family. But before that, I need some time to digest. The way I tackle this kind of problem is I let myself indulge in something for a few days and once I have had enough, I will just spend the whole day facing the problem seriously. 

I hope that works this time. 

When I don't talk to others, it is not because I'm angry. When I don't dress up, it is not because I'm being disrespectful. When I don't argue, it is not because I'm wrong. They are all because of laziness. I'm lazy.

I'm 25 and I don't have any certificate of any kind. My family is poor and in debt. My parents are old and not educated and cannot help the family progress. I have annoying friends. I'm bad at expressing myself. I learn things that are not mainstream. I'm being investigated by the Immigration Authority.

My point being, I'm aware of my situation. To others, I look like a pool of stagnant water right now. When comparing to their bright future, I'm the last state they want to be in. I'm aware of all of this. But what they don't know is, I have my plan, too. The reason they dunno is just because I'm not showing them and I don't intend to.

We are all human, but we all have different backgrounds and received different teachings. It would be bets in my opinion not compare against each other.


My plan probably isn't my best option, but it is what I'm happy with.

Living Death

I like to express my sense of humor whenever I have the chance and I think it is appropriate. I think that is a good way to let others know what kind of a person I am. From their reactions, I can also get some clues of who they are. This may not be the best method, I think it is close. Also to note that this method may not be suitable for everyone. 

Some people are good at it, some people are not, but there are something that just can't be joking around. Hair loss? Money? Height? For me, matter of life and death. I avoid making jokes about illness, health,accidents, terrorism, catastrophes. They are just not funny, not mater which angle you look at them. 

Of course, they are some people who think the opposite. My reactions to them when they make these kind of jokes are usually just give them a stiff laugh and make a mental note to myself that they are not going to be the person I'm interested to know more about.  

Recently, there has been a news that bothered me. A celebrity committed suicide. No big deal huh? How much can a stranger's, that you have never meet in real life, death bother you? Yes, a stranger, but not a complete one. She had been the special guest for a show that I liked a lot a couple years ago. She probably would be one of the last person you would think of when talking about self hurting. Her sudden death just made me sad. It's a pity, I think they must had been someone who could reach out to her. They missed the chance and it's gone forever. She left a posthumous papers, saying that she had been living with grieve because of criticism from the bulletin board from the internet. The papers also talked about how she was trying to fight back but with no result. She was misunderstood and ended up resort to use death to let the world know her innocence. 

The sarcastic thing is, most of us will forget what she was trying to tell with her death and continue to bring the misery to the next person.