I can't spell LO_E

I don't know what I can write here,
I don wanna keep on sharing usual things happening around me,
I also don't wanna criticize on issues here.

I wanna write about my emotional side, but I don't know where to start,
or where to stop once I have started.

I can be a very emotional person sometimes, especially to things and people around me.
And my emotions are very those very extreme ones, if I have the choice I will not want showing them around.

Keeping them myself is a safer choice I suppose, because I think showing them isn't going to solve my problems in life, so I think might as well keep them hidden.

I'm afraid of crisis, I won't have any plan to deal with it when the time comes.
My family has a weak foundation, we don't have the money nor the place enough to handle big problems, just by hearing how is my family going to pay the house rental is an enough force to pull myself down to the abyss.

My family has been having a lot of troubles ever since I can remember, and the troubles always involve money.
The family has been quite a few stage before when we don't need to worry about money, but things had always gone wrong.
I remember once, there was a time me and my two younger sisters had only instant noodles to eat for lunch and dinner, and after the meals we didn't know will we still get to eat the day after.
Not only that, I recall there's another time, my mother, who was bringing me and my two sister, was once begging to the landlord to let us in our house. The landlord had changed the lock because the rental fee had not been paid for too long.

Ironically, my family is still having the rental feel difficulty even though I am much older than that time.
What does that mean? That means the family still hasn't improved a bit since then.
Having that in mind every morning is enough to depress me, I don't know if my motivations are enough to keep me going any longer.
I'm not begging for help here, I just want changes to my family, positive changes of course.
We don't need to be rich overnight, we don't need to live in a bigger house nor do we want to have high education children.
All we want is to have an identity for everyone of us.
From there then we can start moving, otherwise no matter what we do now is redundant.

I know I should not be saying this by now after been through so many troubles with this family, I can also understand this is being too selfish, and saying this is not going to help the family to grow.

But I have to let it out sometimes, I can't always keep it inside my heart or I will become suffocated.

...
...

I hate this family.

Iris

To have goals in life is very important, the applies to me too.

I woke up each morning hoping that I'm able to remember my goals well often.

I wish I could live always bearing my goals at heart everyday.

I like to go sleep counting how many goals are there.

I haven't had any real goals in my life till now,

I made some recently.

They have been the things that keep me moving.

They also help me remember what I am.


I woke up at 1230pm today, though the initial plan I made yesterday was 930am, in order to have breakfast.

But I didn't make it so I woke up eating lunch instead.

After watching a few video clips I went to study my English.

Half an hour before 3 I went to take a hot water bath, I always prefer taking hot water bath over cold water bath even though I don't take that often.

I stretched my legs and body after a 10mins rest coming out from bathroom.

Ate a banana in fear of hunger before dinner, and I set off for work.

Reached work after been in a wet trip, realising I have already had my eyes on the food I brought to work that I bought from a food stall, I had wanted to eat it.

Although I had managed wait until 6pm before I started eating it, the time I spent waiting for the time was suffering enough.

During work, I figured that My 2years old spectacles could made my eye sight worse, due to the fact that I haven't gone to a spectacle shop to check my eye sight every since I bought it.

I have been feeling soreness on my eyes every now and then, sometimes it would spoil my mood for a day.

Still, I don't want to spend the money to make a new pair of spectacles, I don't think this is a good time for that.

I guess I will try some free methods to ease the pain, it could me cutting down the usage time on computers or having diet is good for eyes.

I am still in the middle of saving as much money as possible even though I have slightly overspent this week, I guess I will let the coming weeks make up for that.

I'm letting my eyes to take some rest by slowly shutting down myself for the day after a short while.

Good night.

Naught

Today's Friday, should be a day that can cheer people up.

But for some unknown reasons, people around me doesn't seem to be happy today.

One of my colleagues has been scolded by our boss because of a stupid reason, even though he didn't say anything, I could tell he has been feeling upset from his expression.

Also, I have been given hints of anger from another colleague of mine, he has been gentle ever since we met at work, but today he seemed to be acting stranger than normal days he have been.
From the given hints I'm able to figure out that I have better be more careful on how I will act and speak until the end of today's work shift.

Writing an entry for blog everyday is a habit I have been cultivating, I think by consistently doing that I can improve my English slowly but steadily.

I cannot possibly fully express myself here, even though there is so much to be said.

Adjectives:
Inquisitive - Inclined to investigate; eager for knowledge.

Mushy - Resembling mush in consistency; soft.

Prickly - Prickling or tingling or smarting.

Tame - Brought from wildness into a domesticated or tractable state.

Vast - Very great in size, number, amount, or quantity.

Bewildered - To confuse or befuddle, especially with numerous conflicting situations, objects, or statements.

Ashamed - Feeling shame or guilt.

Combative - Eager or disposed to fight; belligerent.

Flipped-out - To lose control of oneself.

Defiant - Marked by defiance; boldly resisting.

Envious - Feeling, expressing, or characterized by envy.

Frantic - Highly excited with strong emotion or frustration; frenzied.

Grumpy - Surly and peevish; cranky.

Jittery - Having or feeling nervous unease

Nasty - Morally offensive; indecent.

有一种营养， 叫作眼泪。

I often remind myself that I still have dreams, because that keeps me motivated.
Dreams are a must to let a person look like a person, otherwise a person without dreams is just the same as a living dead, or a zombie.

Unless I want to live a zombie live, I'll keep dreaming.

And it is important to remember what are your dreams, you can do that by either sharing them with others and make them remind you once in a while or you could write them down.

I've heard someone wrote his dreams on a small paper and keep it in his wallet so that he can read them whenever there is a need.

I think that act is pretty cool, I won't be surprised if I find a note in one of the compartments in my wallet with all my dreams written on it.

Well, I truly understand that not all the dreams will come true, however, just the thought that one of my dreams might come true is already enough to reignite my spark.

Currently, besides my dreams, there aren't a lot of things that have the capability of cheering me up, that is why I haven't been feeling too happy for anything.

I just want to keep my life as simple as possible for the current time, I don't think it is a good idea to drop a rock into an already blurred water.

What you see, may not always be what you get,


at least from me.



More adjectivesss:

Avidly - Having an ardent desire or unbounded craving; greedy.

Boastfully - In a boastful manner.

Busily - Engaged in activity, as work; occupied.

Clumsily - Lacking physical coordination, skill, or grace; awkward.

Crossly - In an ill-natured manner.

Defiantly - Marked by defiance; boldly resisting.

Dimly - Lacking in brightness

Enthusiastically - Having or demonstrating enthusiasm.

Frantically - Highly excited with strong emotion or frustration; frenzied.

Joyously - Feeling or causing joy; joyful.

Tensely - Tightly stretched; taut.

vibrantly - Pulsing or throbbing with energy or activity.

Vivaciously - Full of animation and spirit; lively.

Wearily - Physically or mentally fatigued.

Zealously - Filled with or motivated by zeal; fervent.

Reponding to your reponse

Although I have quit Magic due to lack of time and resources, I still like updating myself of what's new about this hobby.

It's very rare of me to like a game that is not from made from an Asian country, however Magic has been an exception.

Especially when you could break down Magic into many parts, you could be of zero interest on one but totally fond for another.

For me, I like playing Magic online rather than face to face as the computer keep tracks every thing like life totals of mine and my opponent's, some phrases issues, and permissions to do stuff, to mention a few.

By the way, I like the arts that uniquely come with each of the cards, even the most useless card for playing use could come with one of the most amazing arts.

Like Desolation Angel, Wrath of God, Gush and many many more.（These cards aren't useless by the way.)

For every great game that comes with a great player, to me Luis Scott Vargas is the proest among the pros.

I like watching his videos from Channelfireball.com, which is a website he owns for sharing tips on how to play Magic well, whenever I want to know about what's going on in Magic.

LSV, keep up the good work!

Ad ad ad:
Comical - Provoking mirth or amusement; funny.

Reasonable - Capable of reasoning; rational.

Poised - Held balanced or steady in readiness.

Quaint - Charmingly odd, especially in an old-fashioned way.

Sparkling - Shining with brilliant points of light like stars.

Shiny - Radiating light; bright.

Smoggy - Clouded with a mixture of smoke and fog.

Spotless - Perfectly clean.

Unsightly - Unpleasant or offensive to look at; unattractive.

Wide-eyed - Having the eyes completely opened, as in wonder.

Annoying - Causing vexation or irritation; troublesome.

Brainy - Intelligent; smart.

Cautious - Showing or practicing caution; careful.

Concerned - Interested and involved

Doubtful - Subject to or causing doubt.

夏祭り

Few days ago I decided to spend my one of the only two nights of in a week, which is on tomorrow, to go buy some stuffs for the BBQ this weekend.

But just a moment ago I thought wouldn't it be a waste spending this precious day to go shopping?
Since I can always go shopping in the after noon on any days in this week, why must it be at the particular night?
So I think I will actually end up doing it on other days, maybe on Thursday afternoon, or Friday afternoon.

I've been feeling down for some reason, probably because life's been too bored for me.
I've heard and seen the fun in the outside world, still, I don't know if I'm ready for all the fun out there.
But I really want to step outside and experience what's the feel like, I want to fly outside of this cage that is limiting my moving area.
I'm even willing to break a couple of bones and lose some feathers to break free, I truly understand that those would be the required costs that I would have to pay in order to free myself from my current situation.
Eventually, all will be worth it.

I'm not complaining, nor I have the options to do so, it is just some problems I've been living with for so long before I could remember.
Honestly, I admire myself for having tolerated my saddening life for all these years.


It's not that I'm smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

Adjectivesss and adverbsss:

Daring - Willing to take or seek out risks; bold and venturesome.

Well-received - having been greeted or reviewed with approval.

Unscrupulous - Devoid of scruples; oblivious to or contemptuous of what is right or honorable.

Ominous - Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

Torrential - Resembling, flowing in, or forming torrents.

Unrepentant - Having or exhibiting no remorse.

Filthy - Covered or smeared with filth; disgustingly dirty.

Glamourous - Full of or characterized by glamour.

Gleaming - A brief beam or flash of light.

Graceful - Showing grace of movement, form, or proportion.

Grotesque - Characterized by ludicrous or incongruous distortion, as of appearance or manner.

Homely - Not attractive or good-looking.

Magnificent - Splendid in appearance; grand.

Misty - Consisting of or marked by mist.

寂寞，是一群人的孤单

I supposed to wake up at 930 but end up at 1130 instead.
And the rest of the day I haven't been in a good mood.

For whatever reason, I kept yawning from evening, it has only stopped awhile ago.
Maybe that signaled that I was tired, though it didn't have to mean physically.
Mentally fatigue, should I say?

Whenever I was in a bad mood, I usually would be very quiet, by talking less and let my mind to slow down and think would lift me up from my downed spirits.
I wonder why was that, maybe I just wanted to be myself, but for sometimes things just didn't go right for me, to which I needed to betray my own self and swapped my face into somebody I couldn't recognise.
I didn't bother to explain to those who couldn't understand my thoughts whenever that happened; If they failed to know me, there wasn't a point for me to care for them.
At the end of the day, the person I'll be facing is always myself.
if I won't even be able to take care of it now, how am I going to care for others who are around me in the future? At what stand point should I be in?

So, save your breath from understanding me, it you didn't manage to do it, that meant you don't need to.

What else is there?
I'm not having the craving for food tonight, though strange because pass few days I've been having suppers before I slept but not that I mind, it is good for my diet anyway.

I won't be having BlackShot fun with my friends this week as I requested my off day for this week on a different day attending a BBQ organised by an old friend of mine.
I hope it will all be worth it for such a big sacrificial.

I guess that is all for tonight, see you around and hope tonight I'll have some quality sleep time: no noise, no light, and no chilling wind.

Adjectives and adverbs I learnt today:
Hysterical - Of, characterized by, or arising from hysteria.

Manic - An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze.

Rustic - Of, relating to, or typical of country life or country people.

Dismissive - To stop considering; rid one's mind of; dispel.

Groundless - Having no ground or foundation; unsubstantiated.

Illegible - Not legible or decipherable.

Deadly - Causing or tending to cause death.

Accursed - Abominable; hateful.

Adorable - Delightful, lovable, and charming.

Adventurous - Inclined to undertake new and daring enterprises.

Blushing - To become red in the face, especially from modesty, embarrassment, or shame; flush.

Drab - Faded and dull in appearance.

Distinct - Readily distinguishable from all others; discrete.

Dull - Intellectually weak or obtuse; stupid.

Fancy - Highly decorated.